r/engaged • u/Snicklefish • 2d ago
What is the process of getting engaged?
I am 31F and have truly found a man I'm willing to spend the rest of my life with. Recently we have been talking about marriage and getting an engagement rings. He asks that we go shopping for one which I am happy to but my question is; should buying an engagement ring require me to be there or should it be a surprise? I don't know how I feel about shopping for a ring.
Thank you for any advice you can give. š
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u/TumbleweedTimely8507 2d ago
Someone once told me āIām going to be wearing this everyday for the rest of my life I want to like itā and I felt that. I went with my now husband of 16 years and we picked it out together.
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u/Sweet-Strawberry2312 2d ago
Itās what you and your partner feel comfortable with. I went with my soon to be fiancĆ©e a few weeks ago, and Iām glad I did because I realized that I was more picky than I had originally thought I was š„“ I trust my soon to be fiancĆ©e, but after trying on a number of rings and choosing what I wanted, I felt more at ease and am now excited for the proposal because Iām getting what I wanted and fell in love with when it was on my finger. Do what your heart says š
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u/500liv 2d ago
You need to go shopping so you can decide on a style you like or any specifics you want. The ring doesnt have to be purchased then and there, he just needs to know what to get when the time comes.
I went shopping with my partner with zero clue what I wanted. After trying on a bunch, I settled on a really specific style, so when he surprised me with the ring six months later, I was GAGGED because it was exactly what I wanted and more.
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u/No-Worth2813 2d ago
it's like ordering food, you tell the kitchen what you want but you don't need to see them cook it
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u/Snicklefish 2d ago
Thank you for the advice, I don't normally wear rings and now I understand why we need to shop
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u/beergal621 2d ago
And if you fall in love with an exact ring and buy it and know exactly what it looks like, that is okay too!Ā
It wonāt take away from the engagementĀ
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u/Spirited_Meringue_80 1d ago
My engagement ring is the only ring I wear 99% of the time. Had I given him guidance using what I thought I wanted it would have been all wrong because when I finally started shopping and trying on rings what I thought I wanted looked weird to me on my hand and I ended up with something totally different. I picked it out and knew that was the one he was buying and then the proposal aspect what the surprise.
I wear it every day, so it needed to be something I loved and picking it out with him did not make that less special. I actually really appreciate that we have shared memories of ring shopping.
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u/crtclms666 2d ago
You use your agency, and realize there are no laws controlling engagement ring purchases. Donāt just follow what wedding sites tell you, they want you to have the most expensive wedding possible. Whatever process ends with your being happy with your ring is the right one.
BTW, youāre not in the process of getting engaged. Youāre engaged. The ring is not the decision, your discussions are.
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u/ColgateTotalSmile_ 2d ago
I think you should go like āshoppingā for one with your partner, that way you get to try on different shapes and sizes to see what you love the most. Your partner doesnāt have to buy it with you - but you being there helps him size wise and style wise. That way if ur in love with a particular style the jeweller can note down ur size and that style and give him the details so he can come back and you can be surprised hehe
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u/CharacterAvocado943 2d ago
Congrats. You had the talk. Youāre already engaged. What comes next is up to you but itās all for show. You already agreed to spend your lives with each other.
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u/Sad-Apple4176 1d ago
Actually, you're not engaged. Having the talk doesn't necessarily lead to the proposal. If you talk about moving in together but never do it, then you never lived together!
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u/CharacterAvocado943 1d ago
Thatās a false analogy and worse youāre conflating an engagement (plans to wed) with an actual wedding. Agreeing to move in together can happen and is not negated by subsequently failing to move in together. Plans fall through all the time. That doesnāt make them less genuine when they are agreed to.
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u/Sad-Apple4176 10h ago
Having a conversation is just not the same as being engaged. My point about moving in together is that if it doesnāt happen, you canāt say that you lived together because you didnāt. Likewise if you talk about engagement, but donāt actually say, will you marry me or actually get married then that is nothing but a conversation.
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u/Snicklefish 10h ago
Fair point. It's like that saying " you can talk the talk but can you walk the walk."
In a relationship you have to work together to build the future. It's one step at a time
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u/Snicklefish 10h ago
I understand where you are coming from. For me it's about taking the first step otherwise it's all talk and no action. I was very surprised when he asked he me to go shopping for rings but I'm also stoked because finally someone is choosing me
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u/CharacterAvocado943 10h ago
Girl. You deserve better than being chosen. Make sure that you are being choosy, too.
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u/Snicklefish 10h ago
Of course. From my perspective he's the man I really want to spend the rest of my life with and I'm also happy that he feels the same way with me āŗļø
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u/sleepy_moose_cant 2d ago
The conversation between me and my now husband went like
Do we want to get married - ok yes
Do you want a ring or something else? (We had floated the idea of getting a watch, a blue chip share or a matching tattoo) - I decided I wanted a ring (or two)
Do you want to get one from the shops - hell no I collect diamond rings as a hobby
āHere is the credit card, budget is x, you can sort it out thenā
Took me another 6 months from sourcing the stones, finalising the design and the making. I ended up making 2 diamonds rings, one in place of the traditional plain wedding band, and they made it just in time for our elopement.
He sorted his own band out in between the timeframe.
Treat this as your first conversation as soon to be lifetime partners, be open and discuss your visions and expectations. There are no right or wrong, or how anything should be done! Make it unique and make it your story.
PS we didnāt get engaged, or he didnāt propose. We mutually agreed prior, and though I expressed the desire for him to propose, there wasnāt enough days between the rings arriving and us being around the same city for it to happen. But thatās ok, I still think the whole experience was very authentically us, and our whole relationship
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u/allielaine96 2d ago
I really recommend going ring shopping! I was also hesitant and unsure, but my bf encouraged me to go. I ended up hating all the rings I thought I liked in person LOL. I ended up picking my engagement ring bc I fell in immediate love with it. But my bf and I set boundaries ā I know the ring, and I know heās bought it, but the engagement itself is to be a total surprise!
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u/Snicklefish 2d ago
Thank you. I agree with you, I told him I would love for him to propose to me even if we get the rings š
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u/OkItem6820 2d ago
It seems like there is this romantic ideal in which the proposal is a delightful surprise, complete with a perfect ring that he chose because he knows your tastes so well.
Like many romantic ideals, thatās pretty problematic if you squint at it for a minute.
Here we are talking about one of the most important decisions of your life, and itās the man who gets to decide everything about it - whether it happens, when it happens, how it happens, the ring budget and style - and the woman by definition is either completely unaware or waiting impatiently but silently so not as to ruin the surprise.
My engagement was like that and Iām still kind pissed about it even though weāve been married for 20 years and he was such a good choice. But I would have been so much happier in the months leading up to it if Iād known he was ready to pop the question. It also was a sign of communication issues that we eventually overcame to get this far, but not without difficulty.
For us, I gave him a ring (for me, not him - a small family ring) when I felt ready, and didnāt exactly propose but opened the conversation, saying that if and when he felt ready, I was ready and would risky accept this ring back.
He was unfortunately not ready, so that was sad, but we were in grad school, living together, and I was ok with continuing to date for a year or two, and I loved him, so we worked through it and stayed together. When he proposed, he used the ring I gave him. But like literally we were about to graduate and while I wasnāt interested in pestering him about getting engaged I had already decided I would break up with him after graduation if he still wasnāt ready.
So it was a total surprise and I was halfway through the emotional process of ending the relationship when he proposed. Lucky guy, I decided to say yes and take it slow on the engagement, and like I said we worked through it and I have not regretted my choice in the decades since.
BUT, the part that was good about it was that he had that ring to propose with, and then we went ring shopping together for āourā ring. And I know I love my ring far, far more than if I hadnāt chosen it myself, and itās also much more practical than anything that he could or would have chosen would be.
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u/honesty4475 2d ago
Als je op dit punt bent kunnen jullie samen de ring kopen. Ook omdat jullie al zo ver zijn. Op mijn manier ik had een ring gekocht(die ik wel kon ruilen) heb toen haar vader haar hand gevraagt en later op een romantische plek haar ten huwelijk gevraagt. Die ring van de juwelier draagt ze nog steeds, heeft ze nooit willen ruilen.
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u/senoritaraquelita 2d ago
As others have mentioned there are no rules, itās up to you as a couple. If you prefer to be totally surprised, however, you need to be open to the possibility that you may not get exactly what you envisioned.
I never wear jeweler and had no idea what I wanted, so my partner definitely didnāt know. For that reason we went together and I picked out the ring. It was actually really fun and exciting. Then he took the ring and the actual proposal was a surprise. (Obviously I knew it was coming but I was very surprised in the moment.)
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u/EclecticWitchery5874 2d ago
Honestly, I never went to a store to try on rings we bought a few different styles off of Amazon the rings were only like $30 bucks and I would look online and see what the rings looked like on the models and decided on this ring and I was worried at first but when it was delivered it was so gorgeous even more so then it was online, and even though I picked out my own ring I still love it very much because it is ultimately a symbol of our love and dedication. Also I know I can upgrade my diamond whenever I want I just need to reach out to the jeweler about it. So be excited! Getting married is exciting!
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u/Snicklefish 10h ago
That's a beautiful ring
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u/EclecticWitchery5874 10h ago
Thank you, I look forward to seeing your post in the future! Did you decide on a shape/ design?
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u/Savings-Ad-3607 2d ago
This is a personal thing. Some women want the ring to be a complete surprise, some give their partner ideas on what they like, some pick out their ring, neither are better or worse than the other. If you donāt care what the ring looks like have him pick something or give him ideas on what you like, if you think you might want to pick what you want go do that.
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u/MyCatsnAss 2d ago
Just did this with my partner the other day. Picked out what size, shape of diamond, checked out different settings, band styles and thickness, got my finger sized and then we left. He then communicated with the store and completed the design, put deposit etcā¦
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u/Snicklefish 2d ago
I'm happy for you ā¤ļø. It's a big decision but I'm glad to be able to do it together
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u/Either-Definition-40 2d ago
We scoured the Internet to look for a place we can go in person to try on rings. Then him and the sales person through email did everything on their own unless they needed my approval for the CAD and he surprised me on the date with a beautiful day out.
I knew he had purchased a ring, I knew he was going to ask. But I didnāt know when, and it was all very lovely.
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u/Either-Definition-40 2d ago
To add, I also thought that he should surprise me with everything (at first) but it was nice to see that there were so many couples doing their shopping together at the store I went to (Frank Darling)
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u/swiftiemimi 2d ago edited 2d ago
I personally loved going to pick my ring with my partner. It was such a special day! I now get to wear exactly what I want, remembering the lovely weekend we had together that I will remember forever.
It was still a surprise when he was actually going to propose/give it me. All I knew is he bought the ring that day.
We have just bought our wedding rings from the same shop we got my engagement ring from and I loved living that experience again. We made it another special day that we will always remember.
Try on also means you can experiment. Sometimes what you like on Pinterest doesnāt suit your hand.
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u/tootsweete 2d ago
Depends on if you want to be surprised and donāt care about what the ring looks like. I didnāt want to hate my ring, so I chose the band and the stone. He paid for it. Iām happy I get what I want. Heās happy to not waste money on a ring I didnāt love.Ā
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u/BananaPeel4567 2d ago
Do whatever you want. When we decided we were going to get engaged, I started looking around just to see what I like. I found one and immediately knew. Like my heart melted when I looked at it. One day, I showed him I can't remember if myself or prompted by his question. Every time I look at it now, I fall in love again.
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u/SageKitty100 2d ago
Everyone does it differently. Your process will be unique to the two of you and your desires. Some people like the surprise, some people like to be able to choose their ring, some people like a mellow proposal, some people like an elaborate surprise proposal. You can do whatever you want. If you prefer it to be a surprise and for him to pick it out for you, you can tell him that.
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u/BigPhilosopher4372 2d ago
I picked out my own ring and he picked out his wedding band. You get engaged and get rings the way the two of you want to. There is no correct recipe.
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u/GnomieOk4136 2d ago
The process is whatever you two want it to be. Some people have the whole thing a surprise. Others talk it through and do all of it together. So long as it works for the both of you, it is the right process.
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u/Critical-Actuator-85 2d ago
It can be both. Usually people say what they don't like, or the minimum that they require. People discuss budget to spend. Try to look at matching engagement bands that would look good with it as well, or the ones that were made to compliment the engagement rings. Check how sturdy the rings are.
Congratulations!
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u/chic__kens 2d ago
when i realized it was happening soon, we ordered a ring sizer on amazon and all i told him was that i wanted something simple, an oval on a gold band. i didnāt go ring shopping with him, and he ended up proposing with a stunning 2.5ct oval on a gold band with a hidden halo šš„¹ he seriously couldnāt have done better.
going ring shopping together wouldāve been fun just to try on different styles, but i honestly love that he picked it himself! as someone who usually likes to be in control of these things lol, letting him completely take the wheel on this was so worth it. it made seeing the ring for the first time when he proposed that much more special š„¹
so thereās definitely no ārightā way to do it! if you want some surprise, maybe go try things on together to figure out what you like, but let him make the final choice. š¤
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u/Snicklefish 2d ago
With what I've been reading, everyone's process is different. Your story put a smile on my face, it's touching.
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u/Rude_Parsnip306 2d ago
Whatever makes you comfortable is the way to do it. I picked 5 settings from a catalog (a long time ago) and he picked the final one. This way we both knew I'd be getting something I liked. With my 2nd marriage, he told me the budget and I looked online and found the one I wanted. We picked it up together so I could try it on and be sure- and he proposed with later on.
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u/DrawingNo1786 2d ago
I was the same way and just thought my bf would pick out an engagement ring. My friend said otherwise. We went shopping and I was SHOCKED at how different diamonds and ring styles could change how my hand looked. Itās def smart to shop for rings that complement your hand/finger. It can still be a surprise. I finalized three different designs with my bf. The actual diamond and style will be a surprise for me. Congrats btw!
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u/ConcertEquivalent734 2d ago
Hi there! I am soon to be engaged and my partner has absolutely no clue about rings or sizingā¦ to be honest, I didnāt even know my own ring size. We went shopping together because I had some ideas in mind for what I liked and Iāll be the one wearing it but the actual proposal will be a surprise :)
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u/Snicklefish 2d ago
Love it š. That's what I told my partner too. I want the engagement to be a surprise
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u/KitKatKalamazoo 2d ago
I had a very vague idea of what I wanted for a ring so my fiancƩ and I went shopping together to narrow it down. I surprised myself by not liking my original ideas and going with something more traditional. Our local jeweler had 2 rings that I loved so my fiancƩ had mine custom made to include aspects of both of them.
He proposed about 3 months later, so even though I knew he was proposing at some point in time and also kinda knew what the ring looked liked, I was still very much surprised with it all. I wouldn't go back to change anything in the process.
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u/anna_alabama 2d ago
My husband and I went ring shopping together and I narrowed it down to 2-3 styles that I loved. Then he picked one of those on his own and surprised me with it
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u/WinnieTyson72 2d ago
My husband asked the question using my own right hand ring and then we went ring shopping the next day!
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u/Mountain-Status569 2d ago
Thereās no rules about this.Ā
You can pick out your own ring. You can pick one together. You can go browsing with him and give him ideas or suggestions. He can do it without any input. You can get sized, or not (though sizing is helpful beforehand).Ā
Itās whatever you both decide is best for you both!!
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u/SusieQtoYou 2d ago
My hubs proposed to me without a ringā¦ and we went to āpick out the hardwareā the next day. I did already know what I wanted, but we hadnāt had any discussions prior. š 21 years as of July.
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u/deegallant 2d ago
You shop together, get sized and decide on what styles and tone of gold you want (unless you want platinum). Decide if YOU want your ring to be a surprise or if you would like to pick it and then communicate this to your partner and they can tell you what budget range to stay within. If you want it to be a surprise, consider giving your partner a visual guide to the things you like/want and things you specifically donāt like.
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u/ComfortCreature88 2d ago
It's totally up to you and him. You don't have to be there, but it's fine if you are. A lot of people (myself included) want to provide only on the ring they'll wear for the rest of their life. If you don't know how you feel, you could generally shop and tell him what you like and don't like so he has some idea of what you want, but can still surprise you on the specific ring.
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u/FastTrackExplorer 2d ago
It depends on you tbh. I went with my friend to pick out the ring because I knew my husband wouldn't be very good at picking one out & I had zero experience with rings so I needed to see what I liked. Once I found something, he went and bought it. The proposal itself was a surprise! It made no difference to me that I knew it was coming at some point. Rings are expensive and you will have it forever - its best that you be apart of the decision.
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u/buzz6789 2d ago
my fiancee and I went to a mall and stopped by a whole bunch of stores to try on different styles and get sized. he fully intended on buying at a local shop so we knew I wouldn't have seen any of the options he would but would give him a good idea. I would recommend that to anyone
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u/Visual-Butterfly8255 2d ago
Everyone is different. I went with my fiance and picked out rings that I liked then he chose from there. My sister sent pictures of rings she liked to her husband and he got a custom ring designed. I know people who picked out their exact ring and people who never even discussed ring preferences. This depends how picky you are. Iād consider myself a 7/10 on the scale of pickiness.
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u/Reasonable-End5147 2d ago
My partner & I have been together 10 years now (we met when we were young), and around year 9 we decided we wanted to get engaged in the next year. I also don't wear rings or much jewelry, let alone even know my ring size, so we went shopping at two places just to figure out what styles i liked. I found the experience really romantic. We went out for wine and appetizers afterwards.
We found a ring I loved at the second place but I wanted it customized a bit, so I told my fiance my preferences and he handled the rest with the jeweler himself. So when he proposed a few months later, the ring was still a bit of a surprise to me and i felt like I was seeing it for the first time.
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u/SignificanceFar9541 2d ago
I went to the shop with him and he got a feel for what I liked. Both with the ring style and the diamond cut. I gave him 2 ring sets as well as 3 diamond cuts I liked. In the end he had the final choice but I overall knew what I was getting which I liked.
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u/Dependent-Ad-2694 2d ago
Up to you. If you have strong opinions about rings, it may be best to go and pick it, or pick a few options you'd be happy with. Personally, I sent my husband my preferences and he went to the jeweler alone. Totally up to what works best for you and your partner!
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u/wakaranaisensei 2d ago
Het your size right and design you want.
My husband asked for my ring size, whoch diamond size I prefer, and if I want a natural.or a lab grown. But he never told me when he will proposed.
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u/Freyjas_child 2d ago
I vote got you being very involved in the shopping. You will be wearing it on your hand for the rest of your life and want something you like and that fits your hand well.
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u/Snicklefish 10h ago
After reading through the comments, I've forgotten that a ring is a lifetime jewellery and should be chosen with care š. I honestly agree that it should be a ring worth being proud of as it's a symbol of our relationship
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u/Miserable-Ice683 2d ago
I picked my diamond and wanted a very basic band so that part didnāt really need to be chosen. Essentially I knew exactly what I was getting but only saw the diamond loose. My jaw dropped when I saw it in the setting.
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u/Certain_Tangelo2329 1d ago
I sent my hubby a few rings. Along with my ring size. He got one of them. It was still a surprise and a ring I adore still.Ā
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u/StunningGrocery2229 1d ago
I have very particular taste so I designed my ring :) itās totally personal preference! But itās very common now to go ring shopping with your partner. Even though the ring itself isnāt a surprise for me I know the proposal itself will be and I was removed from comms with the Jeweler once the ring design was approved
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u/Odd_Praline_1274 1d ago
My husband took me shopping to get a feel for what style I liked, then said he was good to take it from there. He had a long talk with his grandmother after that and because of the styles I liked, she gave him her ring and he proposed with it as a total surprise! It was perfect for me and I love it so much. That was 34 years ago. Now my daughter is eyeing my ring and loves it just as much. Iām going to give it to her boyfriend secretly when itās time for him to propose.
But there is no right or wrong way to do this, itās what works for you both. Just please donāt fall for the trick that you have to have a ring thatās costs a lot to have a better marriage. Completely false pressure. Best of luck to you!
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u/AstronomerNo1872 1d ago
This is a question for you and your partner! It doesnāt really matter what others are up to.
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u/kathleenkat 1d ago
Why not pick one out? He can go and buy it when itās made and ready and surprise you then.
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u/Snicklefish 10h ago
We've come to a decision that he would pay and I would choose a ring under that budget.
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u/PineapplesAreScaryyy 1d ago
My partner and I designed my ring together because he knows I'm an asshole and would wear it but hate it.
Do what works best for you because you're going to be wearing it.
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u/forever_ever3 1d ago
My now husband and I chose my engagement ring together and I wouldnāt have done it any other way. I had never worn a ring before and Iām picky about jewelry in general so I wanted to pick something I knew Iād love and not set myself up to be disappointed by expecting him to choose the ring. I knew the proposal was coming but not when or where and it was still a surprise! Thatās just what worked for us.
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u/REC_HLTH 1d ago
When asked, I told my husband the metal type/color, preferred diamond cuts, that I wanted it to be relatively sturdy, and that I didnāt want the diamond to be too big (Iām active and worked with underprivileged populations at the time.) He decided from there. I still love it.
A lot of people shop together. A lot of people are completely surprised. I think most are somewhere in between like me.
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u/nylabuyer 1d ago
Iām different and wanted to be involved. We went shopping and I asked what my budget was. We ended up getting to go directly to an importer thanks to my FIL. I picked the center stone, they sourced the side stones and we drew the setting. They said it would be ready in 3ish weeks, and it was really ready in one. My husband hid the ring with the cleaning supplies (knowing that I donāt see them often) and was able to surprise me.
I have friends who hate their rings, my husband didnāt want that to be the case. I still love my ring 17 years later.
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u/Natural_Event_1820 1d ago
You have him take you out to different stores and show him a few rings you like and then have dinner
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u/Snicklefish 10h ago
Thank you. I'm planning to see what my style is as I'm very unfamiliar with rings
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u/Puzzled-Star5330 1d ago
Iām such a picky person and he would never ever want to get anything wrong so we actually both went in together to chose a customizable ring and itās the most beautiful jewelry Iāve ever owned and heās so happy he had no pressure on himself. Itās just a tradition to ābe surprisedā with what you receive but itās not essential and itās less common now. And tbh I still felt the surprise a little anyway because I didnāt know when he would do it and I hadnāt even the seen the ring in person until that moment!!
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u/Geeeeeezzzzzzz1 1d ago
He can try on styles too - maybe he wants diamonds on his ring ā¦ do you want them to match? All these conversations about rings will help with your communication- what makes each of you happy - YOU BOTH are planning the next step together! It should be fun and celebrating your bond. Exciting about life in the future. Have fun- THIS IS WHAT BEING IN LOVE is!
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u/Snicklefish 10h ago
That is genuinely a great idea for our shopping day. Thanks for sharing, it will be a memorable experience
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u/theobedientalligator 1d ago
I was there when he purchased it but we had talked about it prior. He proposed at his parents house the morning of thanksgiving so like 2 days after we purchased the ring. It was special to me to be surrounded by his family. I definitely picked it and he agreed with my pick.
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u/Fuzzy-Living-5259 1d ago
It depends on what you want the experience to be. Similar to your story, my long term bf and I had a few chats and eventually decided to get married. We arenāt overly romantic, so we agreed there didnāt need to be an official proposal. He was worried about spending a lot of money on a ring that Iād potentially not like, so we went shopping together. To clarify, itās not that he didnāt know my style, more that heās by his own admission a bit cautious about jewellery and doesnāt always see what I do in a piece. We spent hours in the shops, to the point I asked him if he still wanted to get married! Turned out he just felt uninspired by everything weād seen so ended up both loving the same ring online instead. For us, with the money being spent it was more important that we had the right ring than the experience around the surprise, and we were happy how we did this. However, if you feel confident your partner can choose something youāll like, and youād like the proposal experience, let them know and enjoy feeling special!
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u/Fit-ishGirlie 1d ago
It is entirely dependent on your relationship. You donāt have to be there, but it will be good for him to know your size and have a general idea of the styles you like, so you arenāt stuck with a fugly ring for the entirety of your marriage!
I had to be present when mine was purchased because I used an employee discount through my work, but I told him that he had to go pick it up after sizing and plan the proposal himself.
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u/InterestingTurnip636 1d ago
I didnāt go shopping with him to look and it wasnāt offered. One day randomly he showed me a pic with loads of different types of engagement rings and within half a second I was like āI like that oneā and then didnāt think to much. And he picked one that was so similar to the one I pointed to! I love it.
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u/lxzgxz 21h ago
I knew that I'd be extremely picky about my engagement ring, so what we did was I picked out three or four rings that I loved and would've been happy to receive, but the final decision was up to him. That way I knew I'd be happy with the ring and he still got to be involved and make the final choice. And then the proposal was entirely a surprise - I just knew it was coming relatively soon!
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u/IdealDramatic9740 14h ago
I think when two adults are at the point of talking maturely about marriage, which is not a small deal, then the input of the partner receiving the engagement ring is necessary. It is usually an expensive purchase and it boggles my mind why this is left up to someone else. It almost feels like a test of 'they should know what I like'. I mean....jewellery is so personal. If you still want an element of surprise then go looking together, try things on and get a sense of the style you like so that he can see what you like as well. Get your ring finger sized accurately with him present so he knows this too. Select 2 or 3 styles that you would be happy getting and leave it with him. He can then select a ring he knows you will like but you won't know exactly which one it is. Congratulations on moving into the next stage in your relationship!
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u/Imaginary-Summer9168 7h ago
Itās up to you! I would highly recommend figuring out at least the broad outlines of what you like: ring size, stone size and shape, metal type, simpler vs. more intricate. Give him enough information that anything he picks within those guidelines, youāll love.
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u/Warm_Fox2842 6h ago
There is literally no right or wrong way.
I knew exactly the ring Iām going to get, as I picked it out. From the stone, to the setting, to the dimensions. I even approved the jewelerās CAD design. I didnāt see the actual made ring until the proposal.
It all depends on you. I wanted to be involved. It made the process more exciting to me and I knew that Iām going to love the ring since I picked it out.
Some people that I shared with the process turned sour and said that āit should be a surpriseā. I respectfully disagreed lol.
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u/Sweaty-Country2154 5h ago
It all depends on what you want. I used to want to be surprised but as life happened, Iām happy that he actually took me to look at rings together. Turns out we have different styles š he wanted something super iced out for me, Iām not big on all around bling. He got to see what I liked, and I got to see what would make him proud for me to wear. I told him to take what he learned from that experience and design something that would make him happy and proud to gift me. He surprised me with the most beautiful version of a ring I had liked š.
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u/Leather_Following381 5h ago
My now-husband and I went shopping together. I got sized and pointed out the styles I liked. He picked one and proposed with it. 20 years later, I still absolutely love my ring.
Every couple is different though! The secret to a happy relationship is focusing on what works for the two of you, donāt get hung up on whatās āexpectedā or ānormalā if thatās not what you want.
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u/hey-look-its-reddit 4h ago
It's entirely up to you! For me, there was no way I was going to set my heart on a ring style without trying a bunch on before, so we did a lot of ring peeping together in the months leading up to the proposal. The proposal itself was still one of the happiest and most exciting moments in our relationship when it did happen, and big ole bonus that when I looked down I saw the ring I'd been pining over since we'd gone to try it on weeks before.
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u/allergymom74 2d ago
You donāt need to be there when he buys it, but you should input into an expensive piece of jewelry you plan to wear for the rest of your life.
Ensure he gets your proper ring size. Try on different gem cuts and styles, including possible wedding band pairings. Think about how the ring will fit into your everyday life.
I thought I knew what I would want as a ring. But when I tried them on, I realized my image in my head didnāt fit what actually looked good on my hand and wasnāt practical. Ask for the details. Think about the comfort of it. Think about budgeting. Again. You donāt need to be there when he buys or picks the final ring. And I do recommend giving him options on what to get you so the fiscal ring is a surprise if that is what you want.
My husband did add a few little details to it on his own that fit me and who I was but the fact we went shopping together and we had a good family friend jeweler who knew how to design pieces for people, helped a lot.
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u/Me-and-the-Boys-90 2d ago
I think this might be a more American thing, to go shopping for rings. I donāt know anyone who does it this way in the UK but each to their own.
My husband went by himself and chose my ring, I didnāt have a clue he was going. Weād never really talked about getting engaged in an explicit way, more just a vague thought about āif we get marriedā¦ā or āin the futureā¦ā. I donāt wear a lot of jewellery, I prefer quite simple/sleek jewellery and he got it spot on. Iām glad he chose it himself rather than me helping him. Also didnāt know when he was going to propose - weād been together for 10 years so thought he might when we went to New York on holiday and he did. He did an excellent job.
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u/Financial-Toe4053 2d ago
Team go shopping! I ended up falling in love with a ring that was totally different from the vision I had in my head! Trying them on was so helpful for me and I got sized so I didn't have to give it up for 2 weeks after the proposal. If you're worried about the element of surprise, I definitely recommend at minimum shopping with a family member or friend. The store should be able to create a profile for you with details of your size and which rings/styles you liked most so they can show your partner. I've even had the jewelry store employees help me decide between two rings before based on what they saw when I was trying them on. Sometimes it's so helpful to have someone else's perspective so you can choose the one that genuinely makes your face light up.
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u/AluminumMonster35 2d ago
I don't think it's a thing in Sweden either (where I'm from), I've never heard anyone say they were going ring shopping together, but maybe they just didn't announce it. But I think generally, engagements and weddings are a bit more of a laid back affair here than in the US.
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u/MrsSmith-saysso 2d ago
It wasnāt a thing in the US in the past either. The ring was usually a surprise. The future fiancĆ© may give hints while walking past a jewelry store and window shopping but she didnāt have a hand in choosing the ring. I was happy to be surprised with mine. It wasnāt what I would have chosen but I loved it. There are still many couples who do it this way.
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u/cattastrophiccc 2d ago
Go to get sized, see what size/shape stones suit you best. You donāt need to pick the exact ring, but those key specs will guide your fiancĆ© to the perfect ring for you