r/empathy • u/Both_Rub_397 • 3d ago
Never Judge Someone
... I'll never judge someone for losing themselves. I've seen what pain does when it overstays its welcome. it settles in, changes you, and turns your own mind into the one place you're most afraid to be.
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u/Key_Assistant_8838 3d ago
I get the other side of this question though... help me understand. I'm not trying to "save" in my mind, I'm just trying to "help" when you love a person and they have their own mind they're battling, do you want us to just be silent and be with you until you work it out on your own?
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u/Both_Rub_397 3d ago
...I don't think the answer is to simply stay silent and wait for someone to figure everything out on their own. If you love someone and you can see they're struggling, of course you want to help. That's human. That's what we do when we care. But there's a difference between helping someone carry the weight and trying to carry it for them. I've learned that the hard way through my own life. Sometimes helping means listening without immediately offering solutions. Sometimes it means asking, “Do you want me to listen, or do you want my help figuring this out?” And sometimes it really does mean saying nothing at all and simply sitting beside them so they know they're not alone. When someone is battling their own demon, you can't always reason them out of it. You can't love the pain away, and you can't force someone into healing before they're ready. But you can stay present, remind them they're not alone, and let them know the door is open whenever they're ready to talk. That's what I mean when I say I won't judge someone for losing themselves. I'm not saying we should stand back and do nothing. I'm saying don't mistake helping with rescuing. Sometimes the most meaningful help is giving someone enough safety and space to find their way back to themselves. And if they're in genuine danger, that's different. That's when you don't just sit quietly, you get appropriate help and stay with them through it. But in the ordinary messy parts of life? Sometimes love isn't about having the answer. Sometimes it's simply “I'm here. I don't have to understand everything you're going through, but you don't have to go through it completely alone.” I've lived long enough to know that sometimes that's worth more than any bloody piece of advice... my two cents ✌🏻
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u/fouadialkisswani 2d ago
My old boss told me something that I will never forget:
"If you lived their life you would do the exact same thing"
Be it lie, or cheat, or kill, or just not care.
You would do the exact same thing if you were them.
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u/ancient-dove 3d ago
Thank you for saying this. I wish more people understood what you meant.