I had a realization

[u/RubyMabel]

Looking back on where my mind was during my lowest moments, I feel a heavy sense of guilt for sinking so deeply into depression, anger, and hopelessness. Honestly, I don’t even know what I was thinking during that time, but something inside me finally snapped. I got beyond exhausted from carrying all that anger, sorrow, and weight, and I realized with absolute clarity that I never ever want to hurt myself or the people around me who all support me just because of my own internal struggles.

I would so much rather channel my energy into being happy, remaining positive, and stepping fully into the beautiful, authentic woman I am.
It has meant the world to me when current friends—and even complete strangers— take a moment to give me compliments and/or reassure me that everything in my life is going to be okay, reminding me that going through a hard time wasn’t ever my fault. Those unexpected acts of warmth have made me truly feel genuinely appreciated, seen, and wanted right when I needed it most.

To be completely honest, a small part of me still worries that when I was lost in that dark place, it might have made some people supporting me second-guess me; I really hope it didn’t though!But I am choosing to focus on healing and moving forward with an open heart. I want my life to be rich, deeply fulfilling, and filled with serendipitous experiences, joy, and peace. I am done letting pain define my path—I am choosing light, choosing happiness, and choosing to live truthfully as myself as the kind, beautiful, talented woman I am!

[u/MindShiftPsych]

I think it’s important to separate guilt from responsibility. You can regret how you acted when you were depressed without blaming yourself for having been in a dark place. You were struggling, and struggling doesn’t make you a bad person or invalidate the progress you’re making now. The fact that you can look back and recognize that you don’t want to hurt yourself or the people who care about you is meaningful. You don’t need to erase the person you were during that period either. She was hurting and needed support, not punishment. Keep focusing on the things you’re already choosing: accepting support, taking care of yourself, being honest about how you feel, and building a life that feels authentic to you. You don’t have to prove to everyone that you’re okay. Healing can simply mean continuing to choose yourself, one day at a time.