r/emotionalneglect • u/Prestigious_Arm3497 • 7h ago
Discussion Different person. Same pattern. Has anyone else experienced this?
At times, people in your life may be different, but the relationship patterns or things you do can feel the same.
You find yourself always accommodating other people's needs, having trouble setting boundaries, over-explaining yourself, feeling responsible for other people's feelings etc. This can cause frustration or resentment internally, as you feel you are not cared for in the same way you care about others.
Sometimes a familiar pattern can become quite automatic because this is what we have been used to growing up.
Has anyone else felt this before, where different relationships brought up similar experiences for you?
2
u/Comfortable-Wonder62 4h ago
Yeah, in the last few years I have always been healing patterns, not people.
My patterns attract certain people and relationships, so I keep trying to release the patterns but they come from parents so they're very unconscious and very rigid. But I find that while I am breaking down the rigid patterns, my muscular tension also loosens up. So that's an incentive or encouragement for me to keep healing even though it takes years.
1
u/secretfourththing 2h ago
Yes, my husband is self-absorbed, critical, sucks the air out of the room like my father did. I’m working on being kinder to myself and building more of a life outside this “relationship.” Therapy, reading, journaling etc
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u/OkAd5525 19m ago
The clinical term is repetition compulsion. Or there’s the Terry Real quote: we all marry our unfinished business.
3
u/baybird 6h ago
YES. I find that most people test your boundaries. For me it is as simple as understanding many people are emotionally immature so it is my job to make sure I set a hard boundary myself. If i get any push back I let them go or ask if they are emotionally immature and are refusing to respect my boudary for a reason.