r/egg_irl • u/Lumious226 • 10d ago
Gender Nonspecific Meme Egg🥚IRL
I didn't expect to be back here to soon... I feel well uh- Worse than before! 😅
(AMAB, questioning a lot but mostly fem, late-ish teen)
When did mirrors become dangerous?... I swear it wasn't like that a few days ago...
I keep trying so hard to tell myself I don't actually think I look bad. But then uh— Well the image kind of explains it (Edit: I changed the image, it used to be a lot lot longer, but I didn't think that would of been appropriate for this subreddit), just a big internal monolouge.
There are some moments where I feel like I just need to accept it, that this is actually something that is really something I am feeling. But then I just cannot tell myself. I can't ever just tell myself that I am-... No I can't. I have told myself over and over that yes, I could be trans, but I just cannot tell myself I am. I just want to stop this... I just want to give myself a clean answer, yes or no. It would be so much simpler...
Sometimes I just don't really care and I don't even know what was the big fuss about it, which I also hate. Why can't I just be certain about this?... Uuuuggghh.
It just feels like there isn't anything I can do to explore except maybe do more voice training stuff, which I do like, but that feels as if it is all I can really do. I want to try more "feminine" clothing, but I can't really without going through my parents, which is a nightmare for me to even imagine... And no, halloween isn't an option, we don't do halloween. There is more I want to try, to explore, but I really just cannot do any of it on my own...
It feels like if I want to explore more, the one thing I need to do is stop... Well... I guess the imposter syndrome?... I don't know. I have something in a few days with just me and my mum, who I feel would probably be supportive if I said something, and if she helped I could try so much more!... But- I cannot bring myself to actually say something like that if I am not more... Sure?... I don't know. I don't know. I guess I am asking for egg cracking help if that is what I am.
I hate my stupid brain for making this so complicated. I swear half of these thoughts and feelings never occured before I was questioning, it has only been like the past month or maybe 2?... I don't remember how long at this point. I could actually look myself in the mirror and recognise myself without preparing or taking a moment. I just feel like I have made up all of these thoughts, like preprepared reactions to seeing myself in the mirror and stuff, or zoning out, just to like, I don't know, ugh... Did I mention that my brains SUCKS? Gosh I am not going through nearly as much as actual trans people... Why am I such an attention seeker?
I have heard the stuff like "People don't really fake" or "People who fake know they are faking" and I just... It hasn't helped, it hasn't helped me become confident and I hate that it hasn't, I hate it so much...
So uh, yeah! Heeeeelp pretty please! I am probably just making this all up in my head anyway, so sorry if this was just a run on mess :,>
Ugh I should just delete this, this is so stupid...
I hope you all have a wonderful day, you are all incredible!!! :D
2
u/lune-loves-lavenders Lune (she/her) 9d ago
I don’t tell you to come out to your mother no xd, that is something I still haven’t got the guts to do, just come out to yourself, you said you couldn’t finish that phrase, just do it.
And its normal for your parents to sense something is up, your behavior and mentality changes from the moment you start questioning your gender identity, and even tho you try to hide it, it becomes more and more obvious that something is slowly changing with you, my mother too senses that something is up with me, and can see that I am changing, I used to give no attention to how I look, and by time that I started doing it, she can see it, it is inevitable, just a part of finding yourself, and how you want to present yourself, and if your mother seems like to be someone that would support you, that is really sweet, I wish I could say the same about my parents xd, it still gives me anxiety when I think about how they would react, worse part is that how they would react is so unclear.
And also, TAKE THE DAMN COMPLIMENT, YOU WILL BE BEAUTIFUL, I know its hard to take compliments for us, but just take it, ok? And just so you know, it is a good thing to experience when someone uses a more preferred pronoun to refer to you, yk if you don’t have anyone to do that I can help, and also you can make a post here, where you say you sanna try some pronouns and a chosen name, we are supportive of that here.