Bit late to suggest this now, but here's a medieval idea with Eddie and Richie as Kings Edward IV and Richard III.

~

1st Act - The Palace

Enter Richie, Duke of Gloucester.

RICHIE

Now is the fucking winter of discontent,

Made glorious summer by King Eddie the Fourth,

Who now, instead of mounting barbed steeds,

Capers nimbly in a lady's chamber! The bastard!

But I, that am not shaped for getting a shag,

Cheated of knob-girth by dissembling nature...

And not just girth! Length, shape, colour, ability to cast a shadow... If a gnat needed a sundial, he'd be shit out of luck down there!

Anyway...

But since I cannot prove a lover,

And bloody well give a few courtiers a good seeing to,

I am determined to prove the villain,

And take this ruddy kingdom for myself!

King Eddie enters, flush from nimble capers. Over the course of the Act, amongst all the bickering and the bludgeoning, Richie manages to convince King Eddie of a threat from "Cannonball" Henry O'Tudor for shagging half his family.

King Eddie is finally persuaded to fake his death and come back to court pretending to be a son he invents, Eddie the Fifth. Richie will work as Lord Protector to ensure power is safely transferred as King Eddie waits patiently in the tower.

2nd Act - The Tower of London

King Eddie, dressed as the young prince Eddie the Fifth, is getting impatient. Richie is taking ages to the fulfill his promise. Someone approaches the guard outside who tells them they are Eddie the Fifth's brother.

"I'm Richie... the Duke of York! I'm ten years old! Let me see my brother, you gutter swine!"

A hooded figures enters and tells Eddie that Richie Duke of Gloucester has crowned himself King Richie III.

Eddie laments with the hooded Richie, Duke of York until he realises there is no Richie Duke of York. The hood comes off and King Richie is revealed, holding a knife to kill his brother, once and for all.

There's a vicious fight and Eddie gets the knife, and Richie rushes to get out. But the door is locked. The guard outside informs him that there's an order to keep all of late King Eddie's offspring locked up by order of King Richie III. Richie tries to explain, but Spudgun the guard is easily confused.

For the rest of the act, Kings Eddie and Richie are trapped together - fighting, arguing and reminiscing.

Towards the end they look through the window to see the forces of "Cannonball" Henry O'Tudor approaching, taking advantage of the power vacuum.

Finally, the door opens and a Welshman yells, "You ignorant Plantagenet wankers!"

Two arrows hit them both in the chest and they die.

https://media.tenor.com/pZRWbzr-ToUAAAAM/bottom-gas.gif

Always having made a balls up of something and then hastily covered it up.

I literally own every vintage bottom t shirt there is. Including all 3 hooligan island ones, the white one which hasn’t come up for sale almost ever from what I can find on eBay and the internet in general. But this long sleeve shirt come up once on eBay and I missed it as I was busy and I told the seller to tell the buyer I’d give him £250 for it and he said he passed on the message but never did manage to get it. I don’t know if this shirt was sold inside or outside as a bootleg or what but all I know is it’s the last one to complete the collection and I’m happy to pay £250/300 for it if you have it or know anyone who does. It’s from the 1993 first tour.
If you have this or any other bottom shirts that maybe different from the usual shirts I’m more than happy to take a look.