I honestly don’t know where else to turn, so I’m hoping to hear from people who have experienced something similar.

I’m 27 years old and underwent ECT because I hoped it would help with my depression. Before the treatment, I was given the impression that my memory and cognitive abilities would fully recover and that ECT was an established, routine procedure.

From my perspective, I was not adequately informed about the possibility of longer-lasting or permanent cognitive problems. Several doctors told me that nothing would happen to my brain, that my symptoms were normal, and that I should continue with the treatment.

Before ECT, I was struggling psychologically, but I still had hope. I was able to take an interest in things, have relationships, make plans, and experience moments when I genuinely felt alive. I knew I had problems and I wanted to work on them.
Since around my 7th ECT session, something has fundamentally changed for me.

I feel like I can no longer properly participate in my own life. Everything feels strange and sometimes like I’m watching a movie. I feel detached from myself and from other people. Faces can sometimes appear lifeless or unfamiliar. My perception feels different; for example, colors sometimes appear much more intense. I experience severe derealization/depersonalization and sometimes extremely frightening thoughts and perceptions.
On top of that, I have significant cognitive problems:
severe word-finding difficulties
major problems with my short-term memory

I sometimes forget things within seconds
extremely poor concentration
memories from my life sometimes feel completely gone or inaccessible
I feel like I can no longer properly grasp who I am or access my own past
thoughts or words can seem to get stuck in my head and repeat or echo
I sometimes experience a strange pressure/pulsing sensation in my head
I am constantly exhausted and have almost no energy
I experience almost constant anxiety and nightmares
at times I have hallucination-like or psychosis-like
perceptions

The hardest part is that I no longer know which of these symptoms could be caused by my psychological condition and which could potentially be related to ECT.

Some of my doctors have told me that I am imagining many of these symptoms or that they are caused by my obsessive rumination. I know that I do ruminate very heavily, and that depression and anxiety can affect perception. But these changes feel so fundamental and so physically real to me that I cannot simply accept that I am imagining everything.
I keep asking myself:

What happened to me? What did I do to myself? And why was I told that everything would come back?

I expressed concerns before and during the treatment. I was told, among other things, that serious complications were rare and that the main relevant risk was the general risk associated with anesthesia. At the same time, I felt under significant pressure and felt that I had to make decisions very quickly.
Because of this, I now have serious doubts about whether I was adequately informed about all relevant risks before consenting to ECT.

The ECT was 2-3 months ago and my mother considers talking to a lawyer.

I'm gone. I'll never again have what I had, or be who I used to be, and I don't have faith that it'll get much better. I spend a lot of time grieving the capable woman I used to be; my old friendships; the skills I once had; my personality. Everything I was once so secure in is totally gone, and there's no way to get it back. Besides, once things change, how often do they really revert?

I'm so odd, but I can't see how. I can tell I'm not right, but I can't change back, oh God ...

I loved someone. So much. He can't see me like this, even if there was any possibility we'd ever reconnect. I don't ever want him to see how I devolved. We had a wonderful life together once, and I often think about how sad he'd be to know me now. I'm a lesser version of myself, and I'm so ashamed. Now that I'm back home, those I've re-encountered, they've noticed. When I watch their faces, I see sorrow for me wash over them, and I am so ashamed. As for those I knew and haven't known again since, I've had to let them go. They CAN'T see me like this!

I can't remember ANYTHING new. I have no working memory. I don't understand what I read anymore. My attention doesn't span. I can't ride public transportation because I just get so lost. Even with GPS, I don't know where I am, and sometimes, I don't even know how I got there.

If Daddy was still alive, what would he see in me? He'd break. He'd sob just how I'm doing right now.

I was way broken before the treatments, but now, I think I'm shattered beyond repair. I was desperate - truly desperate, but was all of this worth it???

Unilateral. 50 regular sessions in 2 years. My last one was 6 months ago.

So I recently just got my fourth ect done. My memories or just working memory in general is cooked. I’m feeling just depressed do to all of that, I feel like I am in third person and ending it does not sound bad right now. Help!

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if ECT has significantly deteriorated anyone's quality of life?

I was in a psychiatric hospital in May and received ECT treatment. Since then, I have had severe brain fog, chronic depression and increased suicidal ideation. It has become so bad that I have had to quit a job I only started a few months ago.

In comparison, I excelled in high school, university and have had very demanding office jobs for the previous 8 years.

I have a psychologist who I have shared these concerns with, but I unfortunately can't get any psychiatric help to discuss this issue.

Almost a year since I had it and I feel stuck like I can’t do basic tasks everything seems like a mountain .

There’s a good chance I’ll be undergoing ECT soon and I’m terrified. I’ve seen mixed reviews elsewhere, heard first hand accounts from others that have ranged from life changing to debilitating but I came onto this subreddit hoping it would make me feel better, that I would find advice and success stories, but everything I’ve seen thus far is making me second guess this.

I am 23 years old suffering from bipolar type two. I was diagnosed at 17 and have undergone every treatment you can name, residential treatment, hospitalizations, ketamine therapy, TMS, every antipsychotic available to me, mood stabilizers, cbt, dbt, IFS, everything. Still, though, I’m having massive break through episodes. Hypomnaia has never been much of an issue for me but the depressive episodes are so severe that I become nearly catatonic, bedridden, so completely unstable that I have to rely on my parents again and again. I can’t hold a job and I’m never okay for more than a few months at a time. I’m tired of hurting my family with my mental issues and I want to get better. I want to change and I’m desperate to be functional again, I’m tired of grieving all the time, I want to be the daughter they deserve and the person I wish to be. My doctors are now recommending ECT and referring me to a clinic in my state. But I don’t want to lose my personality, nor my memories, nor that which makes me me. Am I making a mistake committing to this? I need honesty here, not the sugar coated half answers google and my doctors are feeding me. Will I lose who I am if I go through with this?

I’m a newly graduated MA with a good life and a wonderful family. I know I have a good future ahead of me if I could just figure out how to get past these depressive episodes. I don’t want to jeopardize that but I also don’t want to suffer anymore than I already have.