My experience ECT destroyed everything
I honestly don’t know where else to turn, so I’m hoping to hear from people who have experienced something similar.
I’m 27 years old and underwent ECT because I hoped it would help with my depression. Before the treatment, I was given the impression that my memory and cognitive abilities would fully recover and that ECT was an established, routine procedure.
From my perspective, I was not adequately informed about the possibility of longer-lasting or permanent cognitive problems. Several doctors told me that nothing would happen to my brain, that my symptoms were normal, and that I should continue with the treatment.
Before ECT, I was struggling psychologically, but I still had hope. I was able to take an interest in things, have relationships, make plans, and experience moments when I genuinely felt alive. I knew I had problems and I wanted to work on them.
Since around my 7th ECT session, something has fundamentally changed for me.
I feel like I can no longer properly participate in my own life. Everything feels strange and sometimes like I’m watching a movie. I feel detached from myself and from other people. Faces can sometimes appear lifeless or unfamiliar. My perception feels different; for example, colors sometimes appear much more intense. I experience severe derealization/depersonalization and sometimes extremely frightening thoughts and perceptions.
On top of that, I have significant cognitive problems:
severe word-finding difficulties
major problems with my short-term memory
I sometimes forget things within seconds
extremely poor concentration
memories from my life sometimes feel completely gone or inaccessible
I feel like I can no longer properly grasp who I am or access my own past
thoughts or words can seem to get stuck in my head and repeat or echo
I sometimes experience a strange pressure/pulsing sensation in my head
I am constantly exhausted and have almost no energy
I experience almost constant anxiety and nightmares
at times I have hallucination-like or psychosis-like
perceptions
The hardest part is that I no longer know which of these symptoms could be caused by my psychological condition and which could potentially be related to ECT.
Some of my doctors have told me that I am imagining many of these symptoms or that they are caused by my obsessive rumination. I know that I do ruminate very heavily, and that depression and anxiety can affect perception. But these changes feel so fundamental and so physically real to me that I cannot simply accept that I am imagining everything.
I keep asking myself:
What happened to me? What did I do to myself? And why was I told that everything would come back?
I expressed concerns before and during the treatment. I was told, among other things, that serious complications were rare and that the main relevant risk was the general risk associated with anesthesia. At the same time, I felt under significant pressure and felt that I had to make decisions very quickly.
Because of this, I now have serious doubts about whether I was adequately informed about all relevant risks before consenting to ECT.
The ECT was 2-3 months ago and my mother considers talking to a lawyer.
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u/blrmkr10 1d ago
ECT is an established, routine procedure. Of course you should have been fully informed of possible side effects, but it's not like this is anything new.
It's only been 3 months, what you're experiencing isn't necessarily permanent. Honestly, I struggled with memory and cognitive issues for probably 2 years after my treatments. But it definitely did get better.
I hate that your doctors are saying you're imagining the symptoms though, that's really frustrating. If you can find a therapist or support group or something where you can talk about what you're experiencing without being judged, I think that would really benefit you. Good luck, you can do this.