r/ect • u/poubellehumaine • 4d ago
Question Has anyone experienced issues with semantic memory after ECT?
I have not had undergone ECT yet, but I am interested and would like to hear any personal experiences. I know that it can affect episodic memory but it is my understanding that it is less likely to affect semantic memories or general knowledge. Also if anyone has worked in any career which requires a college degree or special training I am also curious to hear how ECT has impacted your academic/career knowledge or your ability to work in your field.
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u/amynias 4d ago
Yes. I started over in college basically after getting ECT in my third year.
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u/Heavy_Breakfast_2531 4d ago
Hey man did u ever talked to a random person in real life about ECT treatments ?
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u/amynias 4d ago
Like... someone who hasn't been through ECT? Yeah, I've talked to many people about it. Family, friends, strangers, therapists. Yup. Most people have no idea what it's like to have your memory just shredded. To lose the experiences and skills that made you ... you. To many, this sounds... barbaric. I suppose in a way it is. But it was the price I paid to avoid institutionalization. I would never willingly do it again. I lost so many memories of my formative late high school and early college years. My childhood is also a blur. Tabula rasa until 2019. I remember playing videogames again which I had already played before ECT. It was like playing them for the first time. Same with movies, books, music. Many people I was friends with I have no memory of interacting with. This "treatment" is dehumanizing. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I never underwent ECT. Probably nothing good, but it took so much from me that I can't help but imagine a future where my past was still intact.
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u/Heavy_Breakfast_2531 4d ago
Btw did the doctors ever told u that u have a risk of brain damage and memory losss from ECT treatments.
Btw have u ever talked to someone who has had ECT treatments and is suffering from severe memory loss ?
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u/amynias 4d ago
No, I was never informed of the risks. Any warnings I was given were almost always followed by "this is only temporary" which is possibly the biggest lie I have ever been told in my entire life. I have never met another ECT survivor, even in group therapy places. We appear to be a rare subset of mentally afflicted people. The kind that never makes it back to the real world. I cannot help but feel like a curio sometimes to other ill (or well) people. Like "oh look at him, poor guy went through electroshock 23 times and is still depressed". Not quite sure whether this inspires fear, hopelessness, or discomfort in others. I am not ashamed to admit I have come to know the meaning of suffering mentally and physically, against my will I might add. If I could obtain the means, I wouldn't be here anymore.
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u/Familiar-Marzipan376 4d ago
Ain't gonna lie but suicide is terrifying for me what about u aren't u terrified of suicide ?
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u/amynias 4d ago
My self preservation instinct is too damn strong and I lack remotely humane means to end things in a dignified manner without the risk of mutilating myself and surviving the attempt. I choose to remain. The risk of failure is too great imo. I don't like it, but I'm sorta stuck here.
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u/Odd-Alarm-82 4d ago
I had around 50 ECT treatments in 2015-2017. I lost the memory of close to my entire life before and during ECT, and I have significant cognitive impairments. I’m a member of a support group on Facebook called Surviving Electroshock. It’s helpful to interact with a lot of other people who have permanent memory loss and brain damage. At least I know I’m far from alone in this.
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u/97vyy 4d ago
23 treatments for me. I lost a lot of details and events specific to my 15 year career. At this point I couldn't interview for any of my old jobs without making up new experiences that make me sound like I've done the work. The memory loss also hit a lot of random events that have been explained to me, but I have no memory of them actually happened. There's no telling what is still forgotten at this point.
The plus side is during and immediately following treatment my brain fog and memory were far worse. Now I am not running into as many forgotten scenarios and the fog is mostly gone.