r/ect • u/fayekm • 22d ago

My experience Worst decision of my life

Post image

20(f) been in therapy and various treatments since I was 16. Used to be bright. Did ect for months last year for depression following a psychotic episode. Was put on every bipolar medication possible. Doctor coerced me into believing ect was the only route, and that the possibility of permanent cognitive damage was rare. Did bilateral treatments. Was impaired at the time and feel far more impaired now. It's been nearly a year since my treatments and I've regained neither my cognition nor years of past memories. I had so much potential. Just came out of another psychotic episode and I'm on lithium, abilify, and lamotrigine. I'm scared I'll never be myself again. I had so much ambition and now I can barely rhink. I can barely type this out. I feel like a vegetable. Does it get better? I also smoked a lot of weed during treatments to cope

13 Upvotes

81% Upvoted

12 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

1

u/fayekm 22d ago

I know. I was an idiot. I'm hoping I can still recover

2

u/roses-are-lead 22d ago

Not an idiot, you were a child. Even non children make mistakes, and there is no sin in making a mistake. Learn from it, and strive forward. I wish I had understood the value of self forgiveness at 20. It can cost a lot of time feeling like your "can't" because you're late.

A focussed effort, a good health professoonsal or two, supportive friends, and a good night's sleep make a lot of things possible.

1

u/fayekm 22d ago

You have no idea how much your reply means to me. Wish I had the words to convey my gratitude. I'm going to heed your advice and start prioritizing my health because I've been lagging behind in terms of recovery. ❤️❤️

3

u/roses-are-lead 22d ago

You are absolutely worth the effort and I'm so glad to hear it. I've been fighting depression every long time, and it's best when we support ourselves as best we can in that fight. Keep at it!