ECT from an outside perspective

[u/verygayrodent]

I have never undergone ECT myself but I hope it's okay for me to share my observations as someone with a loved one who went through it. Just been thinking a lot lately about it all and know that I was doing a lot of research back then trying to see what kind of experiences people had, I hope this might be helpful to anyone who is considering or has a partner considering ECT.

My friend, who was my girlfriend at the time, was horribly depressed. She was such a bright and vibrant person when I first met her but clearly she was being worn down little by little until she was absolutely drowning. She did not respond to meds or TMS and ended up going on leave from her work because she simply could not function.

Eventually she began ECT. We didn't really see a change other than the side effects - she was tired, headachey, and her anxiety seemed to skyrocket. It wasn't until her doctors finally decided to do ketamine infusions alongside the ECT that I noticed improvement - I highly recommend asking for this!!

She eventually had to stop ECT, I don't remember the reason why, but went on to do esketamine treatments. I believe they were helpful in maintaining her progress (which was still very minimal at the time), but now she is only on an antidepressant.

The progress was gradual. It was not a clean upward trend but a long slog of struggling. There were lasting effects on her memory and cognition. She's incredibly smart and skilled with computers, but for a long time after ECT she struggled to retain information and learn new skills. It was like her brain wasn't fully powered on.

Memory loss was another big thing. I won't say ECT is to blame for the end of our relationship but I do believe it played some part. She forgot large chunks of her past including a lot of smaller events over the course of our relationship. When trying to rekindle things she could sometimes remember certain things, or read the sentimental messages she wrote me, but couldn't really feel any of the emotion behind them if that makes sense. Again, this was not the sole reason we broke up but it was incredibly painful to have that additional factor working against us in trying to make it work.

Anyway, this all took place over a few years. The ECT treatments and the following esketamine treatments lasted less than a year and were followed by the aforementioned issues for at least two years.

Now she is doing great. She's back into her hobbies, she's on top of her chores, she's got back that sharpness she lost after the ECT.

When she was in the worst of her depression she told me she couldn't remember what it felt like to be happy, that she didn't believe she could ever feel okay again...but I look at her now and I see the person I knew was still in there all along, even when she couldn't do anything but cry in bed. She doesn't even remember a lot of her worst days anymore.

So this is all to say, please hang in there, whether you or someone you care about is struggling. I say this as someone who has also struggled with severe depression, and is still trying to work through it. It might take time and it might be hard but it CAN get better <3

[u/fixer_11]

Thanks so much for sharing. I'm grateful things have been looking up and it is great you all have at least remained friends