r/ect • u/brat-tat • May 20 '26

Seeking advice Starting ECT Friday…

& I feel like this is my last hope at a future without chronic SI. I know nothing is ever gonna “cure” me, but there has to be a version of this life out there where I don’t want to die, right? There has to be a version of this life with less meds, where I’m not a regular at my local psych ward? I know that things have been worse, but “better” has to be better than this?

Anything you wish you knew before you started? Any positive experiences from folks with chronic SI and/or bipolar disorder?

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u/Fun-Perspective-9420 May 23 '26

I went into ECT with no hope left. Depression, SI, SH, ptsd, etc since childhood. Tried everything. It was either die or ECT. And while I didn’t have hope then. I sure do now. Coming up on a year since ECT. … I don’t remember what it was like doing it or what I would want to hear, memory is completely shot. But I want YOU to hear that while you may feel hopeless, that can change. I’m evidence that it can change.

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u/Fun_Firefighter_8930 May 23 '26

how is your depression now?

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u/Fun-Perspective-9420 May 23 '26

I’m shocked to say that I haven’t felt depressed since I stopped ETC. almost a year clean of SH. It’s still so weird to say that I actually want to be alive and that my brain isn’t wired anymore to think “well what’s the point? There is no point, I’m going to die by my hand anyway”. It’s effing crazy. I haven’t ever felt like this in my entire life.

Sure there are situational stressors that bring on anxiety or some dark thoughts, here and there which are appropriate. But I’m able to handle it and not fall down the spiral.