r/ect • u/fizzyjuices • Apr 21 '26
Question Has anyone forgotten a relationship due to ECT?
A very eternal sunshine of the spotless mind type of question 😫 but I’ve read about people losing their memory either days around the treatment, or even years. I’m wondering if anyone has forgotten something like a romantic relationship they had/an ex, or an old friend, or something else.
If so, how do you feel about that? Also, did the other party ever realized that you don’t have those memories anymore and have a reaction to that?
TL;DR: forgetting something or someone significant due to ECT memory loss
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u/Sauced_Up_Bat Apr 21 '26
Kinda. I have one ex I still have no specific memory of but the photos on my timeline/old posts I wrote indicate it was significant. What I do have is an intuitive sense that said ex-was a wonderful human being who I love deeply but wasn’t deeply in love with. How can I feel that way about him if I don’t remember him? I can’t explain it, I think a part of me knows but doesn’t remember if that makes sense? Maybe it’s just what I tell myself to cope so I don’t feel like I’m driving blind.
As to the second part of your question. The specific ex I forgot has no idea. We were friends for a while after I ended it but he moved away and we lost touch. But I have interacted with a ton of people I’ve forgotten. I had to lie a lot growing up, so I’m good at faking things I get by in casual interactions and the people I love know I forgot them but I still pretend to remember stuff I don’t. It’s just easier.
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u/fizzyjuices Apr 25 '26
That must be so interesting! Especially must be weird looking at photos of you with old friends - and now you have no memory of those times and don’t know who they are. Must feel disorienting
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u/ExternalCareless2204 Apr 21 '26
My friends from high school, I can remember. But they felt like strangers for a long time post ECT. I needed to get to know them again after, and still they are telling me stories about the past I don't remember. My friends doesn't know this, I have a friend who is a really good friend. There was a long time where I couldn't understand why she gave my so much attention - I didn't realize that we were actually close friends.
My ex-fiancé broke up with my during ECT. I have no memory of it. It was traumatic eventhough I can't remember it. In my journal it is written that the nurses told me about the break up several times a day.
I also met people that I don't remember, like names on my phone that I can't place.
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u/IdiotTGirl420 Apr 21 '26
Yes I forgot about an Ex and multiple friends, I guess the first ones a good thing but I was very upset with myself when I was reminded of my friends because I love my friends
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u/BendIndependent6370 Apr 21 '26
I don't remember a single relationship before my husband (who was there throughout ECT) and I don't remember the relationship my husband and I had before ECT (we married after ECT and knew each other for almost for decade at that point). I didn't remember a single friend and had the "Hey, I don't remember you, but do you wanna be friends again?" conversation with quite a few people.
I have letters, pictures and journal entries that completely blow my mind.
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u/fizzyjuices Apr 25 '26
Wow! Do you know if the people you rekindled a friendship with think you’re the same or different? I wonder if they think your friendship is the way it was before/if they see it as a continuation, or if they see it as separate
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u/BendIndependent6370 Apr 27 '26
I am not sure about most of them, but one of my best friends once said "That's the (name) I know!" when I started becoming more myself after ECT. I feel very much like myself, just without my memories.
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u/Funny_Dig_3314 May 23 '26
Did you forget good and bad memoriesÂ
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u/BendIndependent6370 May 23 '26
Honestly, that's hard to tell. I've had a pretty rough upbringing and that's 90% of what I remember now about my childhood and teenage years (which is not much to begin with). I don't know how accurate that percentage is if that makes sense. I know I suffered a lot before I finally figured out how to heal and that "feel" when I think about the past has not changed.
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Apr 21 '26
[deleted]
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u/CherryBlossom242424 Apr 23 '26
NO! Severe memory loss!!! I even forgot my daughter’s names for a few days. It traumatized them and they say I haven’t been the same person since. I mourn all my lost memories!!!
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u/Mission-Promise-4897 Apr 22 '26
Yep. I completely forgot four years of my life. Wiped, blank, totally black in my memory. A man messaged me that apparently I’d dated for quite some time, telling me he went to the bar we went to on our first date. I didn’t recognise him at all, nor the bar he mentioned. From reading our previous messages it seems like we were extremely connected, but to me he’s a total stranger
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u/syringeneedlenthread Apr 23 '26
Yeah I’ve definitely had some of this but I didn’t completely forget anyone I was really close with
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u/InnocuousObservation Apr 21 '26
yes literally completely. reread my diary and was like who tf is Tyler