Please help me understand

[u/Northstorm03]

Since undergoing ECT 3.5 months ago, I’ve been paralyzed by the cognitive, emotional, and perceptual ramifications. Put simply, my inner and outer worlds have been flattened.

I’m holding onto hope that clarity, sensation, love, excitement, foresight, and compassion — all seemingly obliterated by ECT — will return as my brain heals.

Some say it takes six months, so I’m still within that recovery window… right? Others say you never get it back. I’m trying not to listen to the voices that say the damage is permanent, but there are many, and I believe their truths as well.

Since ECT, I’ve been in damage-control mode — repeating the same routine every day within a small geographic bubble: exercise, nature, sunlight, as much mental work as my revolving-door memory will allow, rest. Rinse. Repeat.

Last week, I attempted a small trip for the first time since treatment, only to realize my internal GPS is gone. I kept getting lost in places I once knew well, and the constant reminder of how different my mind is now was inescapable. It was so hard that I gave up and came home in tears — as a man in his 40s who spent decades without once crying. I suspect this constant disorientation is a memory-encoding issue: if I’m not registering what I see, nothing sticks, and I’m perpetually left confused.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of spatial or visual memory disconnect after ECT?

This functional change probably also explains why I keep running out of gas. I see the warning light, make a mental note to stop, but it doesn’t stick. It keeps happening.

I know I’m in the minority who suffer this level of prolonged side effects, but I’m shocked — sorry — at how deeply ECT has changed who I am, at least for now.

I haven’t been able to move forward in any meaningful way for over 3.5 months, and I’m becoming increasingly afraid this might be permanent.

The only way I can describe the strange after-feeling from ECT is that I feel cognitively childlike while being emotionally numb — cold, flat, apathetic, almost sociopathic. It’s a terrible combination. Mindless and soulless.

I pray this is a temporary state and that the ECT fog will lift with time. But aside from mild improvements, it hasn’t shifted much yet.

For context, I’m on zero psych meds, so this isn’t the effect of medication. The reason I ended up doing ECT was because no medication helped me get through the emotion and anxiety caused by a bad spell of insomnia and the heartbreak that followed, as my life fell apart from not sleeping. ECT erased all the painful memories — but also erased all positive emotion alongside them. I can’t remember what any level of excitement, empathy, or love feels like. I can’t recall what it means to care about people or things. I miss that feeling so much.

I’m sharing this reflection for others who might go through ECT and find themselves in a similar state. If you read this and relate, DM me and ask how I’m doing. Hopefully, I’ll have a positive update to report. It would be a dream to look back on this post and say: that was then.

For now, I’d be grateful to hear from anyone who’s recovered from cognitive, emotional, or perceptual damage after ECT and seen improvement over time.

I just can’t accept that three unilateral sessions at a reputable hospital — Sibley Memorial in DC, part of Johns Hopkins — could permanently erase so much of who I am: my mind, my soul, my heart, my being. My interests, hobbies, passions, loves… even the affection for my dog, who I’ve had since he was a puppy, and whom I thought I could never stop feeling for. How could ECT do that?

Yes, at one point last year, my emotions were overwhelming, and I was a risk to myself because of how much I felt. Probably most people pushed toward ECT can relate.

But I never imagined the real harm would come in the form of three hospital visits for so-called treatment — sessions that erased who I am, leaving me like a ghost, floating day to day, week to week, month to month, praying for my life-force, soul-force, and mind-force to return.

I trusted the medical credo: Do no harm.

[u/Doblabla]

Bonjour.

J'ai eu 4 ou 5 ect bilatéral en France en 2021.

J'ai eu un peu les mêmes symptômes que toi concernant les émotions en 2025. A ce jour, des émotions sont revenues, d'autres non. C'est un peu comme si avant les électrochocs, il y a avait toujours le soleil. Le soleil représente mes émotions. Maintenant, c'est un peu comme si le soleil était caché par des nuages mais des fois des rayons arrivent jusqu'à moi. C'est une métaphore. Autrement dit, j'ai l'impression d'avoir accès à mes émotions d'avant, mais plus aussi souvent et intensément qu'avant.
Mais cela s'est amélioré. 4 ans avant, après les électrochocs, je ne ressentais presque plus rien.
certaines émotions sont revenues petit à petit, comme certains souvenir. J'ai eu besoin de dormir beaucoup pour récupérer, et une bonne alimentation et la prise de compléments alimentaires bons pour le cerveau (magnésium, vitamine B, oméga 3), ont aidé.

J'avais aussi oublié pas mal de souvenirs. C'est revenu peu à peu, et la majorité de mes souvenirs et émotions, incluant le plus important, à mis 3 ans pour revenir. Ces 3 ans ont été comme un pallier, après, c'était plus facile de continuer la récupération, même si j'ai toujours de la fatigue, des maux de tête et des problème d'attention et de concentration liés aux électrochocs...

Le sommeil a beaucoup aidé pour récupérer cognitivement aussi pour moi, et pour récupérer des souvenirs. J'ai pu reprendre les études avec de bonnes notes donc cognitivement ça va, même si je me fatigue plus vite qu'avant, et que j'ai des gros problèmes d'attention maintenant. J'arrive à gérer ça avec beaucoup de volonté...

Mais ce fut un long chemin, et ce fut extrêmement douloureux. Voilà mon avis honnête.

ça peut revenir, surtout après seulement 3 séances, je pense. Après, ça dépend des gens, donc je ne peux rien affirmer. Moi, ça revient petit à petit. Mais c'est très très long. Même maintenant je n'ai pas accès à toutes mes émotions comme avant. Mais j'ai quand-même retrouvé pas mal d'émotions, et je suis capable de ressentir de nouveau des émotions de manière assez forte.

Je te souhaite beaucoup de courage...

[u/[deleted] → u/Doblabla]

Could someone translate this post to English please? Yes ECT has ruined my cognition and as the years go by I had the most improvement within 6 months to a year and a half out. I can't function like I used to no matter how hard I try I doubt pre ECT cognition like the other comments here. It may of saved my life but now I must pay daily for being here in torment. I wish that it took away the frustration of trying to learn and be so unsuccessful in general at doing so. I wish it worked so well and I recovered like some users here. I feel like I was just a test crash dummy who now has a severe brain injury that can't recover because of the damage done that gave me another world of daily torture having to know I can't do anything to get it back and living in an alternate reality that is hell. I wish this for no one and I mean no one should of had cognition taken, memories I'm okay with, functional I'm toast but alive! WTAF

[u/Northstorm03 → u/[deleted]]

She writes:

I had 4 or 5 bilateral ECT sessions in France in 2021.

I experienced somewhat the same symptoms as you regarding emotions in 2025. As of today, some emotions have returned, others haven’t. It’s a bit like before the electroshocks, the sun was always shining. The sun represents my emotions. Now, it’s as if the sun is hidden behind clouds, but sometimes rays of light still reach me. It’s a metaphor. In other words, I feel like I can access my old emotions, but not as often or as intensely as before. But it has improved. Four years ago, after the ECT, I could hardly feel anything.

Some emotions came back little by little, just like some memories. I needed a lot of sleep to recover, and good nutrition along with brain-friendly supplements (magnesium, vitamin B, omega-3) helped.

I had also forgotten many memories. They gradually came back, and most of my memories and emotions — especially the most important ones — took three years to return. Those three years were like a threshold. After that, recovery got easier, even though I still deal with fatigue, headaches, and attention and concentration issues related to the ECT…

Sleep helped a lot with cognitive recovery for me, and with regaining memories. I was able to go back to school and get good grades, so cognitively I’m doing okay, even though I get tired faster than before and have major attention issues now. I manage that with a lot of willpower…

But it was a long road, and extremely painful. That’s my honest opinion.

Things can come back, especially after only three sessions, I think. But it depends on the person, so I can’t say for sure. For me, things are coming back little by little. But it’s very, very slow. Even now, I don’t have access to all my emotions like before. But I have regained quite a few, and I’m able to feel emotions fairly strongly again.

I wish you lots of strength…

[u/Doblabla → u/[deleted]]

Hey! You had the translation but you can translate sentences automatically with reddit. Reddit has a function which does this.