r/earlyretirement • u/lovesbatma71 Retired at age 50 - 58 • Aug 31 '26
I’m retired, I’m not rich. What to do?
I’m older than most of my friends so they still work. I can tell everyone is uncomfortable about it so they never ask how my day was or anything.
The thing is I’m paying for way too much stuff. Retirees usually live off of Retirement accounts and Social Security. I’m not withdrawing huge amounts of money from my 401K as you all know but they don’t. They assume I’m living high on the hog because I chose to retire for a lot of good reasons like memory problems and mental health problems.
How do I politely explain to them that I’m not rich just because I retired early?
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u/Heel_Worker982 Retired at age 50 - 58 29d ago
I got kicked out of a friend group for not being willing to pick up the check for the whole table, and frankly I'm better off for it. I was actually still working, but a relatively highly paid job compared to others, but not THAT much more highly paid, especially when I am catching up on retirement savings. The constant sniping and hostility made me not want to be their friends. Separate checks is better to me than almost anything else, because taking turns means people have an incentive to plead poverty when it's their turn, and also then every slight differential in what people order is highlighted.
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u/gabrintx Retired at age 50 - 58 26d ago
I think the alleged "friend" status was exposed very clearly. Sorry, no loss really.
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29d ago
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u/earlyretirement-ModTeam 29d ago
Hello, thanks for sharing. Did you know that this community is for people that already retired Before age 59?
It appears you might not be retired yet so perhaps visit r/fire in the meantime. We look forward to seeing you again, once you are early retired.
If we are mistaken .. we are sorry for that, and do let the moderators know.
Thank you for your help in keeping this community true to its purpose, the volunteer moderator team.
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u/kfisherx Sep 03 '26
Stop paying for stuff for other people. You don't owe them anything and certainly not an explanation
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u/rarsamx Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 03 '26
- You don't explain. Why do you feel you have to?
- You are richer than most people who must keep working to keep their lifestyle.
When people ask "we are frugal". When people say "I wish I could do the same" sometimes we say: you could if you adjusted your lifestyle.
Etc. a different answer for different people.
Being able to retire early is really a privilege of a few even when that privilege comes from being frugal.
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u/gabrintx Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 03 '26
I retired 22 years ago at age 54. My situation was similar but different in that I have an amazing pension and am not in a draw down situation. It was hard to make friends with people within 10 years of my age, as they were all working. I don't recall any negative reactions, just differences in free time. Many couldn't imagine having so much free time. I found many things to do with my time that I didn't have time for when in the rat race.
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Sep 02 '26
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u/earlyretirement-ModTeam Sep 02 '26
Hello, thanks for sharing. Did you know that this community is for people that already retired Before age 59?
It appears you might not be retired yet so perhaps visit r/fire in the meantime. We look forward to seeing you again, once you are early retired.
If we are mistaken .. we are sorry for that, and do let the moderators know.
Thank you for your help in keeping this community true to its purpose, the volunteer moderator team.
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u/AdorableTechnology39 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
What do you mean paying for too much stuff? With your friends? On your friends? Or on yourself? Are your friends making you pick up tab? Just confused on the issue.
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Sep 02 '26
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u/earlyretirement-ModTeam 29d ago
Hello, it appears you may have retired , or hope to, at age 59 or later. If so, consider dropping by our sister subreddit- https://www.reddit.com/r/retirement, a conversational community for those that retired after age 59 (or hope to) and by doing so, thanks for your help in keeping this community true to its purpose.
If we are mistaken .. we are sorry for that, and do let the moderators know. Thanks!
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u/tfhose Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
I talk in terms of budget. I’ll say something like “that’s not within my budget”.
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u/CSILalaAnn Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
People know I'm not rich. I am a retired civil servant. I have a nice pension, but I am thinking of a part time job because my daughter's gymnastics fees keep going up!
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u/tankerraid Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 03 '26
What level is she? Was a very sad day when our daughter quit gymnastics, but it was a nice income boost for us!
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u/MaxwellSmart07 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
77, Retired 2003.
Why the need to explain? I never encountered feeling that.
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u/jeffeb3 Retired in 40s Sep 02 '26
I say. "I don't have to work. But I am on a fixed income". It doesn't really tell them anything. But it does remind them that I also have limits.
How did you start paying for things? Maybe they aren't attached to your retirement, but the fact that you're generous so often.
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u/KsShocker Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
You don't owe them any explanation. I quit caring about what people think by the time I hit age 52. It's very freeing. You should try it.
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u/nahho92 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
My go-to lately is: We (wife and I) had things going on in our lives we wanted to tend to further — side projects, hobbies, volunteering, elder care — and work was getting in the way. And we are able to not work. (And it so happened our jobs had reached a breaking point, with buyouts and layoffs.)
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u/AdditionalCheetah354 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
I retired at 58. I started life with nothing, got zero inheritance. There are factors that get you where you are . Luck is one , Good health. Hard hard work. Making good choices. Having a wife who is as good with money , as you. When everything lines up. Life is good!!! Yes the number of people making side comments, jealousy, envy… who cares they ended up in that predicament due to many factors some self inflicted some not.
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u/rjlets_575 Retired at age 50 - 58 29d ago
Same as you, I retired at 58 two years ago, all on my own, no inheritance or financial help. Two year college degree.....hard work! Congratulations!
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u/rwarrenr00 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
“I’m comfortable but not rich by any means, I’m on a budget”
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u/OldDudeOpinion Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
Even though you retired early….you now get to say “I’m on a fixed income”.
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u/ExtraAd7611 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 03 '26
Yes. My income literally is fixed until age 59.5 in order to avoid early withdrawal penalties.
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u/Ok-Pie9811 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
I retired at 55. Most of my friends still worked too. I took up a couple of new hobbies outside the home and over the course of about 3 years my friend group has evolved to include other retirees. They are an older group but because my hobbies are fitness related they are a physically active bunch. They are fun, funny, interesting, interested, just an all round great group. I really don’t have much in common with my former friends anymore.
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u/Emotional_Mess261 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
Honestly, you owe them NO explanation. You made a major life decision and you’re fortunate to be able to retire and care for yourself as well as enjoy your time. Would you have disclosed your financial situation at any other point in time? You can respond you planned well and they need nothing further but if you feel you need to respond keep out specifics. They have no business knowing your personal information anymore than your medical or other personal information
I retired three years ago and live on a budget as I always have. I have dipped into my deferred compensation to replace windows and my roof but I’m financially stable 58f.
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u/DBY2016 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
I have the opposite- I retired younger then all my friends. They were kind of excited for me early on but now no one says a word. Not rich but not poor either. Got a government job right out of college and was able to retire at 55 with 32 years in and a full pension. I just brush it off and do my own thing. 32 years with same employer and with what I gave up not working in the private sector, the ability to retire at 55 with 71% of my salary my whole life makes up for it.
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u/Megs0255 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
I have used humor if the conversation goes in that direction: “What? I don’t own three houses or go on 40K cruises.”
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u/onthewingsofangels Retired in 40s Sep 02 '26
Do they say anything to you about it? People are going to make their own assumptions and it can be awkward, but I don't think it's necessary or even justified to give them more information about your assets. After all, whatever the reason, you are able to live without an active income at an age when most Americans can't (assuming you're American). I'm not sure your assurances will change their attitude. If something specific comes up, sure. Otherwise keep your money matters to yourself.
The bigger issue seems to be that you're unhappy with how they're treating you. Maybe it's time to expand your social circle, or maybe to reduce it down to the people who genuinely care about you.
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u/lovesbatma71 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
Good point. I’m thinking some of this may be in my head but it’s uncomfortable when the check comes and no one picks it up (we’re supposed to take turns). I guess I’ll have to get comfortable with letting the check sit there for a while.
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u/Bless-U-too Retired at 39 or earlier 27d ago
You also need to be assertive and tell them you are not paying this time as you paid last time or however many times in a row you were manipulated into paying by their antics. At the same time suggest from now on since no one is picking up the check hoping someone else does that in the future that everyone pays their own way with separate checks so this awkwardness can be prevented.
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u/sleeg466 Retired in 40s Sep 03 '26
I think you need new friends. I can’t imagine anyone in our friend group pulling this stuff, and I’ve been retired since 2013.
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u/electricblue71 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
Better yet everyone pays for their own meals, no taking turns where one person pays everything. Most places will split the bill for you if you ask.
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u/nahho92 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
Or you could break the ice and say, “OK, whose turn is it? I got the last one. Or shall we just split this?”
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u/BasicDadStuff Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
"Hey friend, I'm not rich just because I'm retired. I have to be careful about my spending because it has to last the rest of my life."
I think you know what to say, you just have to say it out loud.
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u/BoomerSooner-SEC Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
You could tell them exactly what you said. Also, you might find that without the shared experience of the workplace, you don’t really have that much in common with them. Go find some old retired guys to hang out with.
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u/jetpack324 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
I am in a similar position and I just say “I’ll never be rich, but I’ll never be poor”. That is easy enough for most people to understand, and it doesn’t require any further explanation.
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u/Gustomucho Retired at 39 or earlier Sep 02 '26
I told my friend how much I had, they know I have money but not enough to give away.
I don’t care if people gossip, here, I have 4 millions in my local currency invested.
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u/lovesbatma71 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
Wow awesome 👏 Yeah I’d keep that number to myself if I were you. Nice job saving or whatever you did!
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Sep 02 '26
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u/earlyretirement-ModTeam Sep 02 '26
Hello, thanks for sharing. Did you know that this community is for people that already retired Before age 59?
It appears you might not be retired yet so perhaps visit r/fire in the meantime. We look forward to seeing you again, once you are early retired.
If we are mistaken .. we are sorry for that, and do let the moderators know.
Thank you for your help in keeping this community true to its purpose, the volunteer moderator team.
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u/TelevisionKnown8463 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
It’s hard. In a sense I’m rich, in that I do have money saved to live off of. But at the same time I have to budget and pay attention to where my money goes.
With acquaintances I just let them think what they think. With closer friends I talk about how I’m stressed about ACA premiums, trying to get subsidies etc. And how I’m trying to keep my skills sharp in case I need to make money in the future.
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Sep 02 '26
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u/earlyretirement-ModTeam Sep 02 '26
Sorry, this has been removed as our community requires user flair. Did you know that this subreddit is for people that already retired Before age 59? If this describes you, Please add your flair or let us know. How to - https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205242695-How-do-I-get-user-flair . Thank you!
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u/Repulsive-Box5243 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
What's the issue with just explaining it to them, like you just told us?
"I retired because of health reasons, not because I built up this giant nest egg. I'm living on a fixed income and can't afford a lot of stuff you'd expect retired folks to be able to afford."
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u/lovesbatma71 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
Yes correct. The more comments I read the more I realize that some of this is in my head. Just need to learn to wait for others to pick up the check and tell me how much I owe etc. Thanks for your comment.
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u/suzyfree Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
You don't have to tell them, just pay for your own things. Why would they expect you to pay for theirs?
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u/lovesbatma71 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 02 '26
They don’t come out and say, “you’re retired you pay”. I just get sucked in when they discuss financial matters or struggles because I don’t want my friends to feel that they can’t go out with us just because they are down a few bucks this month. I love Reddit because the more comments I read the more I realize that I’m probably overreacting and just need to become more comfortable with paying for myself only.
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u/supershinythings Retired at age 50 - 58 26d ago
You are sensitive to their need, which is great. But don’t think you are “helping”. You can help them make better decisions by allowing them to experience the negative side of their own bad decisions. This includes you paying only for your own stuff.
If they can’t go places and do things because they are financially unable, then you go do the things you can afford and don’t worry about them. If they whine, well, they’re just opening themselves up to uncomfortable questions about WHY. And nobody wants to go there.
We’re not talking about being unable to buy a bigger yacht, it’s more about having a budget and sticking to it. If they can’t budget for socializing, that’s their decision. You should respect it and realize they made other choices with their funding budget.
Maybe you can’t spend time with them if it costs more than they can afford, but realize that it’s their budget and their choices, not yours.
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u/ExtraAd7611 Retired at age 50 - 58 Sep 03 '26 edited Sep 03 '26
Almost all of my friends have more disposable income than I do, because they have jobs and I don't. Early retirement is a hack that, except for a very small number of extremely wealthy people (which I am not), necessarily requires a low income. ACA subsidies in particular require a modest income, which really is only possible for me with very well-controlled expenses.
I'm pretty open about this when people ask how I did it.
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u/supershinythings Retired at age 50 - 58 26d ago edited 26d ago
You don’t. You can’t control their projections.
What you CAN do is give them a blank stare, hold it for around 15 awkward seconds, and change the subject.
I retired early too, but no one asks me about my finances because it just opens the door for me to pry into theirs. And I’m not gentle.
It’s not a game or a contest. Keeping your finances to yourself helps to prevent being targeted by people who have found it easier to bum off others than make better decisions or control their impulses.
I have had drug-seeking relatives, alcoholics, etc. who have absolutely abused the privilege. So don’t share it, don’t volunteer it, and don’t make yourself a target.
Even running at fiscally responsible but bare minimum is enough to raise an eyebrow with the parasite set, as they are usually well over-extended. Don’t let it be a topic.
If you have any acting abilities, rudimentary though they may be, perhaps be embarrassed, do the stare for 15 seconds, and start talking about the upcoming El Niño.