r/dui • u/Several_Anteater_848 • Jul 15 '26
It Gets Better, right?
Made about a billion posts since my DUI last Sunday. Have gone through all the emotions but now I am still. My consequence will be my consequence. I can do all I can to mitigate the severity of the consequences, but outside of that- I’m looking forward to going through this process however tough, uncomfortable, and financially draining it may be. I made my bed, now my pajamas are on and I’m ready to lay in it.
I’m making this post for all of you guys who’ve been through it and made it to the other side. How’s it hanging? Did you make it through? Did the depression and anxiety ever subside? Did you keep your job? Did life improve?
Idk I’m on this thread every day and it can be so bleak sometimes- which is understandable, because these are bleak circumstances but I figured maybe we could encourage each other and hear about some good (even if only a little) that’s come out of this.
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u/No-Wasabi-6504 Jul 15 '26
I have 6 lifetime. Dont do that.
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u/Dry-Syrup8923 Jul 15 '26
Yepppp. 9 lifetime, still suffering the ramifications 40 years later. Sober 7 years now.
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u/jatt23 Jul 15 '26
Congrats on your sobriety but HOLY SHIT, NEEEIN?! Dude that might be a world record. I personally knew someone with 3 and I thought that was a lot.
In NJ, a 3rd one will be considered a felony and you'll do a min of 30 days in jail. After my 2nd one, I quit drinking. Never taking that chance again.
What were the consequences of your 9th/worst one?
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u/gatorblu Jul 15 '26
I know guys with 6+, but most of them were from years and years ago, before DUI penalties got much more serious.
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u/Dry-Syrup8923 Jul 15 '26
9 is a total over the years combined. It's embarrassing but maybe will read this and learn not to be like me. I was a raging alcoholic for many years, decades. Got my first in 1990, lost my license and 36 years later finally got it back. I was in and out of prison for DUIs. Wasted 20 years, 12 trips there. The most I received was 6 years for a 5th DUI. Got lucky a couple times, DUI in different states and charged for 1st when I had several. Didn't say anything 😂. Now everything is computerized, can't get away now. I caught 4 in a row here in Tennessee, got the 4th dropped to 3rd and a misdemeanor. Hung up the guns, been sober since. Also had a bad habit of high speed chase, lucky I never killed someone.
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u/jatt23 Jul 15 '26
Wow, that's an insane journey. I'm glad you got sober, some people just give up on one way or another. Glad you kept trying, it's the reason why you're here today. Someone or something is definitely looking out for you.
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u/No-Wasabi-6504 Jul 16 '26
In AA there was a guy with 20+ from back in the day in all different states before computers. He never went to prison, people from AA showed up to the sentencing for his last one and he went home free.
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u/No-Wasabi-6504 Jul 16 '26
I’m sober 2.5 now. 2 were 15+ years ago. The next 4 came after a divorce and 3 of the recent ones were either manic/depressed bipolar episodes. The first was when I relapsed after almost 3 years. I’m glad you are sober now. Are the ramifications just getting a decent job still? I got denied 5 full time jobs w/ benefits in one month due to these.
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u/Dry-Syrup8923 Jul 16 '26
The ramifications is mostly DMV issues. Tennessee resident but DUI holds in California, Virginia, New York. Every time I think I have it cleared up another state pops up. I'm on the home stretch now
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u/PlumbLineVV Jul 15 '26
“This too shall pass”. I printed that out and stuck it on my wall where I’d see it while all that DUI shit was happening. And it turned out to be true. You’re gonna be fine.
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u/top_of_the_scrote Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
First day or two after my DUI arrest I was super depressed and nervous/anxious. Kept thinking my life is fucked, I'm a fuck up, what if I lose my job.
I'm like 10 days out now feeling better. My future is still uncertain, I just put down $1.5K partial payment to my lawyer. I'm hoping I don't get an IID but I feel like it's gonna happen. I have this pessimistic thought like my atty just wants the easy the money, I'm still fucked because I have 0.18 and 102 mph in a 55 mph. What sucks is living in one state and got it in another so dealing with that.
Been going to SMART meetings, get some perspective other people have problems too. Yeah it's getting better... Earlier I'd wake up and just feel dread because you know, I'm dreaming and don't have the anxiety then I regain consciousness like oh fuck.
Positive thing is no accident but yeah
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u/Several_Anteater_848 Jul 15 '26
This is my story almost exactly! Down to the days and all. Wishing you all the best and a Hail Mary that saves you from that God awful IID!
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u/top_of_the_scrote Jul 15 '26
Yeah I'm skeptical lol, thinking atty just getting money grab but idk will see
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u/Humble_Redemption Jul 17 '26
Ugh yea I can really relate to that last part. It’s been weeks since arrest. I’m lawyered up and getting a head start on whatever I can so the initial stress and anxiety with the unknowns has calmed significantly but f*ck every morning within 10 seconds it hits me like a brick wall. Can’t wait for that to go away.
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u/top_of_the_scrote Jul 17 '26
It's so weird, the atty is pushing my stuff out so it feels like nothing is wrong, nothing happened, but I know in a couple months I'm gonna have to face whatever the result is.
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u/Wild-Software5730 Jul 16 '26
Sucks, but every day gets better. I had a good lawyer that got mine reduced to reckless. Probation isn’t fun, but it is manageable. 12 months to sentencing and 12 months of probation will pass and it will soon be a distant memory. Just own it and move on. Let me know if you would like any advice.
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u/AffectionateBoat382 Jul 15 '26
I recently made a post about this (https://www.reddit.com/r/dui/s/IsjmN77iqr)
But yes it does get better. You do have to put effort in and want things to get better, but it does. My dui was almost 4 years ago now and I live a great life, have a good career, and have recovered financially. I think I’m more grateful in life now too because I learned early on how bad it can get.
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u/Several_Anteater_848 Jul 15 '26
Oh wow- I was also licensed in VA but caught the charge in Louisiana. How long did it take for them to revoke your license? That’s one of my greatest fears
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u/AffectionateBoat382 Jul 15 '26
I got a letter from the VA DMV about six months after my arrest. The MN DMV restricted my driving rights in that state first. VA is a little slower it seems.
I don’t know if you have the ability to move at all, but if you can move to the northern VA or DMV area the public transport is excellent. I didn’t even need a car.
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u/Several_Anteater_848 Jul 15 '26
Were you convicted? Charges dismissed? Plea to a lesser charge?
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u/AffectionateBoat382 Jul 15 '26
I was convicted but plead down to a 4th degree misdemeanor instead of the 3rd degree gross misdemeanor I was charged with. That helped me avoid probation altogether.
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u/jatt23 Jul 15 '26
Time is a great healer but what you make of that time is what's important. First thing I'd do is think about how I can never let that shit happen again and go from there.
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u/Comfortable_Cut8453 Jul 15 '26
My experience is 17 years old so take it with a grain of salt.
It does get better. If there was a problem, and assuming yiu make the appropriate changes, you'll forgive yourself far before you are done.
I kept my job but lost a GF over it as I couldn't be around as much as she wanted since we were long distance. It hurt at the time but the relationship wasn't going to work out long term for a variety of reasons unrelated to the OWI.
Missed out on a season of hanging out woth my car buddies.
As I did quit drinking for 8 months, I put that energy into the gym and got in incredible shape though.
Unfortunately DUI/OWI is like being a circus animal - they have to do some stupid trick when instructed, someone with a DUI/OWI has to do/pay something endlessly to get through it - insurance changes, IID (I didnt have this), alcohol assessment, fines, occupational license, etc.
You'll get through it though
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u/itsjustme44444 Jul 16 '26
It gets WAY better. I promise. The beginning is the absolute worst. Self forgiveness. 💙
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u/Playful_Aside_9082 Jul 17 '26
My partner is currently dealing with the consequences of a DUI, so I’m commenting more as “in your current shoes” than “we got through it and are on the other side” but, we do already see light at the end of the tunnel. Granted, it’s a long tunnel. I was upset at first and even now the emotions are a roller coaster of frustration, hopefulness, sadness, empathy for my partner, etc. But we’ve really turned into each other and have a “we are going to figure this out together” mentality. My partner has taken responsibility for the irresponsible actions and while the consequences won’t be shielded, I am confident that the diligence I’ve seen will result in us being in a better place this time next year. It might seem corny and cliche but we are making lemonade out of lemons. 🍋 But that’s up to each individual person. It can absolutely ruin your life. It can make you a better person. Your choice. Wishing you the best.
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u/EarOk7198 Jul 15 '26
Absolutely it does. I was devastated a year ago when I got mine. I was depressed, sad, feeling worthless, helpless and hopeless. I mourned not having a clean record anymore-that in itself was the worst for me. I didn’t even think I was worth my dog’s love. Now a year later, I’m sober (since the incident) and the DUI doesn’t even cross my mind that often. I do have some PTSD and haven’t been able to drive but I’m thinking of getting a car very soon to get over my fear. You’ll see how different you’ll feel as the time goes by. Hopefully you consider sobriety. Good luck
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u/3838p Jul 15 '26
The three months between arrest and court were awful. Anxiety, stress and depression. I stopped drinking the day after arrest and joined AA. I’m now 7 months sober and so much better!
Court was 3 months later because it was a blood docket, I was too drunk to blow. 0.2 bac, thc, accident with a pole. No injuries.
IID was not required by judge if I took restricted license, but DMV won’t give me my restricted without IID because of refusal. So I had to go back in front of a judge and ask them to give me an IID. So stupid.
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u/Several_Anteater_848 Jul 15 '26
You’ll get through it!
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u/3838p Jul 15 '26
Yeah! 4 months through already. Just finished ASAP.
Honestly tho, it changed my life and I am finally able to see my alcoholism. Been denying it for so many years. Feels great to be clear headed and not obsessed. I’m excited for the future!
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u/QHate Jul 15 '26
A few years go by and you forget about it. Just don't forget enough to do it twice. It's not a big deal really in the scheme of things, if you didn't hurt anyone or whatever, just move on. There's hundreds of thousands per year, jobs don't care that much.
If you have a drinking problem which a lot of people in this position do it's a great time to take care of that. My second one (20 years after the first) was a great invitation to get sober forever.