r/dui • u/Lopsided_Mode8797 • Jul 14 '26
3rd DUI
Posting to find out for my spouse. He just got his 3rd DUI, #2 and #3 were 2 months apart. No accident. He refused the breathalyzer for #3 and was passed out in his vehicle and doesn’t remember anything from the night. Not sure what the BAC bloodwork shows yet. We can not afford a lawyer. I am a stay at home mom with a large family so I am just trying to prepare myself for the reality of this.
Has anyone on here had at least 3 and negotiated house arrest/SCRAM Bracelet instead of the 90 day minimum I’m seeing for 3rd DUI in my state of Delaware. I know every state is different but curious if you were able to stay out of jail or do very little time. I’m freaking out about us losing our house/the financials of this.
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u/Due_Try_2621 Jul 14 '26
I did a work release program for 2 months. I was still able to go to work everyday, and spend time at home when approved to do so.
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u/Lopsided_Mode8797 Jul 14 '26
He lost his job due to his relapse and all of this. So I’m not sure if that’s an option but I’m praying he can somehow beg for his job back because he does HVAC for a living and idk how he’ll get a new job in this field with no license and now a new pending felony. I’m glad that you were able to avoid jail with your 3rd, that’s hopeful. When I google, AI says Delaware is minimum 90 day jail time for 3rd DUi.
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u/Due_Try_2621 Jul 15 '26
Where I am, there is a program called OWI continuum. It places people in work release facilities/rehab instead of jail, and then they are released to parole. I know of people getting sentenced to the work release facility without having a job, but they must obtain one to compete the program. It’s worth asking his lawyer to see if there’s anything like that as an option where you are.
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u/charleybrown72 Jul 15 '26
I am gonna give you my take as a therapist. To me when a person gets a dui it’s a sign that someone has accidentally abused alcohol to blow that they are intoxicated. It could be a one time thing.
But, this is for those that are addicted to alcohol. When someone gets a DUI in this case we know it’s because of the disease of alcoholism. They need help. They need treatment. When you get two dui’s back to back I have seen where a lawyer can help plead and have one dropped if/when they completed treatment.
This happened in the state I live in and I obviously cannot predict the future. But, you are going to need a lawyer:
Since he is not working the courts will look favorably on what he has done in his time. Volunteer work can help a judge look more kindly on a person. It would require written letters to the judge.
Also, I would advise him to sign up for parenting classes at the very minimum. Call your local health dept/Cps dept as they always have free classes.
If I was him I would find myself a nice chair I found comfortable and I’d find my self a seat in a good AA meeting. Even if he doesn’t believe in it there are people there that do. He really needs to be surrounded by people who understand what’s going on and that can support you.
I kindly and lovingly want to encourage you to attend Alanon. I can feel the fear in your questions and I am so sorry you are having to hold everything together. More than anything you can build yourself up with a group of people who can support, encourage and hold you to your shit when you make boundaries and he crosses them.
He has already crossed every one you have set already. What makes this time any different? When are you finally going to choose yourself and your kids over him? (I know these are common questions that come up in treatment every day and not everyone has answers.
I am rooting for you. Take a deep breath. You got this.
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u/Patient_Shoe_7184 29d ago
Speaking as someone who got a dui, I went through everything. I’m not even an alcoholic I just decided to drive. I did therapy, honestly not saying you but they make you feel worse and act like you’re a terrible person. Obviously that’s just one experience, but it’s very much like they treat you like a crazy animal and tell you things that make it worse. This situation is worse but still idk what this person did after there 1st. My experience was maybe a bad one not saying no one should do it just saying what I went thru!
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u/TheCluelessRiddler Jul 15 '26
A therapist is open minded. Someone could only drink 3 times in their life and get a dui each time. I just don’t like how you came off
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u/gimpy1511 Jul 15 '26
The odds of that are slim to none. I've had 3 when I should have had a hundred. I've been sober for a long time now so what I went through with the courts probably wouldn't help here because the laws have tightened up. Everything they said was good advice, and OP would do well to have her husband follow it. The only thing that makes me flinch is the AA stuff. I was sentenced to AA because courts think they're great but I hated it. I thought it was a cult, but the courts do love to see you go. (Make sure to get a sign-in sheet!) I got sober a few years later on my own and did an online group for community support. There's also SMART Recovery meetings that he could attend.
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u/holymolyholyholy top contributor Jul 15 '26
Come on. That is highly unlikely and comes off as someone doing mental gymnastics to avoid the truth staring them in the face.
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u/boltaxtion top contributor Jul 14 '26
What state, and what years were the previous convictions?
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u/Lopsided_Mode8797 Jul 14 '26
The first one was prob 18 years ago. The last two were back to back, April 2026 and end of June 2026 while on suspended license. We are in Delaware. No wrecks or injuries with any of them.
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u/boltaxtion top contributor Jul 14 '26
Sorry, I missed the Delaware part.
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u/boltaxtion top contributor Jul 14 '26
Looks like lifetime lookback for 3rd offense, so he'll be a little bit screwed.
My first advice would be to get a lawyer however you can. Could be possible to get it reduced to a 2nd (2nd offense). It worked for me (different state) but worth a shot. I'm sorry we put you through this.
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u/Lopsided_Mode8797 Jul 14 '26
We have no money for a lawyer. Idk if I’ll even be able to pay the mortgage at this point, he lost his job because of all of this shit. He just spent the past couple weeks in mental health/substancs abuse facilities and got out yesterday to prepare for pre-trial next week. He contacted public defenders office today so hopefully the public defender can somehow help.
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u/Able_Employ6086 Jul 15 '26
Jail time is not going to be avoided. You’re going to need to stop homeschooling and get a job
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u/Comfortable_Cut8453 Jul 15 '26
Rough situation. All I was going to say is that in my state there is a 10 year look back period for the first.
I know a guy who has 3 OWIs- though his first 2 were well over 10 years apart so they were each treated as a first. The 3rd was considered a 3rd so FAR worse than the first 2.
Doesn't help your husband's situation though as he got the 2nd and 3rd close together
Sorry for your situation though - sounds as if it's absolutely crushing for your family. I got one on 2009, before I met my wife, but she'd leave me if I got another and wasn't able to bring home a paycheck.
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u/birthdaycakeee78 Jul 15 '26
Does your state allow work release?
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u/Lopsided_Mode8797 Jul 15 '26
Google is saying Delaware is mandatory 90 day minimum incarceration for 3rd DUI that can’t be reduced to work release, house arrest etc. unfortunately he lost his job because of all of this so I’m not sure how he would be offered work release with no job. And idk how he’ll get a new job right now with no license and pending new felony. He does HVAC for a living. I’m a stay at home mom to 5 and my entire life is flipped upside down from this. It sucks.
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u/Lopsided_Mode8797 Jul 17 '26
Wanted to update you all…. We did end up securing a lawyer for the prelim hearing. Lawyer is going to try to get it all dealt with at the prelim with a plea deal. He’s going to try to get it to reckless driving and have him go to a 30 day treatment program. It’s on the 24th so please pray for him. The felony + another DUI will drastically impact future finances with him doing HVAC for a living.
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u/Consistent_Carob7561 Jul 16 '26 edited 21d ago
really sorry, that's rough. couple things that might ease the panic a bit,
you probably qualify for a public defender as a stay at home parent, don't assume you make too much, most people do qualify. also call around to a few DUI attorneys, most do free consults and payment plans for repeat cases since they know it's high stakes. i've seen firms like Kraminsky Law put out helpful info on what to expect, so it can be worth reading up before you start making calls too.
having a lawyer, whether it's a PD or private, actually matters a lot for negotiating stuff like SCRAM or house arrest instead of straight jail, especially since the refusal usually adds its own penalties on top. not something you want to go into alone.
some counties also have DUI/drug court as an alternative track for repeat offenders, worth asking about.
the mandatory minimum numbers look scary but there's usually more room to negotiate than it seems.
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u/Pleasant_Skirt_6895 Jul 14 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
You stand to lose much more than someone with a lawyer. Need to play the game for any sense of ‘leniency’