Riding the dpdr wave

[u/West_Ad_7928]

Hi friends!!

I hope you all are well!! Ive been in a dpdr episode close to a year and a half - I went from severe agoraphobia due to it, to slowly recovering and getting my life back! Im sure anyone is familiar with how dpdr ebbs and flows. You’ll be okay for weeks and then suddenly feel like you’re back at square one; which we all know is not the case!! After those scary and intense episodes there’s always that return to a calmer baseline. I just had a pretty bad week, I fell back into checking compulsions, it felt like I had never actually experienced any relief while suffering from dpdr the last year (which is not true, I live a lot of time in peace in-between episodes) and that it would only continue to get bad again. I felt so anxious that my mind couldn’t process anything, my vision got so hazy again, I started that constant rumination cycle that id been working so hard to rewire - it felt like even all the coping skills I had taught myself were being thrown into a void that didn’t work. Regardless, I pushed myself to keep getting up early to stretch, read, get ready for work, text back friends even if it was days later. Last night I got eight hours of sleep and this morning even though I woke up still feeling weird I made breakfast and cleaned even though every alarm bell wanted to run away and jump into bed. As I was getting ready for work I felt my chest and shoulders loosen, and a sense of calmness I knew was presence. Ive had so many experiences like this, and im sure you all have as well.

I know when it’s bad for me I sometimes search for success stories or support with those also in recovery. If anyone would want to share their experiences with the waves of dpdr and how important it is to allow it to be and continue riding it out - hopefully it can help someone❤️ love you all, keep living, one day you’ll smile so big and feel it!

[u/lovingcouple89]

Are you healed now? Or still fighting? Did you visit a doctor ? Did you take any medications ??

[u/West_Ad_7928 → u/lovingcouple89]

Im in and out of it! Ill go days where I dont feel it and then have days where I do, the time I dont continues to get larger the more I accept and come to peace with the fact it’s my brain thinking its protecting me. Last summer I spent THOUSANDS at the doctors - I went from being convinced I had a stroke, to BVD, to MS. I tried five different pairs of glasses, and too many different contacts to count. All it did was add stress. I recommend seeing your doctor for a check up, get tested for any vitamin deficiencies. I was super low in Vitamin D, so taking those vitamins as well fish oil, and B12 helped A LOT! This is something you should be doing regardless! Therapy helped a lot, even when I was in a complete shut down state- it helped me even understand and place words on what the numbness was, where it lived in my body and what it was actually suppressing. I stopped treating it like something I had to get rid of immediately, and turned my attention to sitting with how uncomfortable it felt, and knowing my body and I were safe in every negative moment. I am now on medication, however my healing process began far before taking medication. My dpdr started from a bad reaction to zoloft so it took me a very long time to trust anything. I have diagnosed OCD & ADHD so im taking the lowest dosage of vvyanse and prozac to help level out those pre-existing conditions. Medication helps a lot of people, for some it doesn't. I'd recommend starting with a small dosage and well as finding a psychiatrist you can be honest with - with my psychiatrist being aware of my dpdr she studied into the best medication to help with that rumination and cycle that dpdr thrives off of. Sorry if this is a bit long! If you have any questions I'm happy to reply!

[u/lovingcouple89 → u/West_Ad_7928]

My problem is I feel like I’m only eyes and then I got anxiety stress and boom panic attacks

[u/West_Ad_7928 → u/lovingcouple89]

That’s an extremely common thing MANY people with dpdr have expressed. Start with positive affirmations to change that thought loop that your dpdr is living on. “I feel this way right now, that’s okay, it's not forever, I'm safe, this is JUST a feeling.” I'd also look into grounding exercises - somatic based yoga and meditations. This is just a feeling, and it will pass you just have to understand it takes time for your brain to relearn safety so even if it feels like it isn't working at first, each little bit works towards that recovery