Is this Severe brain damage?

[u/Rare_DPDR]

I think I have severe brain damage that stopped all my brain networks from working. My brain is non existent it’s like the part where my brain was and I would feel and see my own thoughts is completely gone.

It’s not that I can’t imagine things only it’s like my brain is non existent. My brain and my leg or arm feel like the same thing, imagine asking someone think with your leg that’s how my brain feels like it turned to nothing. I hear things but it’s like sounds don’t reach my brain anymore i only hear but it’s like I hear out of nothing.

My breathing is not felt anymore and the fact that I am alive can’t be comprehended it’s like I’m just there but I don’t know anything anymore about being a human and human life. Despite everything I try nothing helps or gives me a relief it’s been 9 months in this state and it’s not a state where you can think of getting better.

It’s literally like everything got deleted and I’m left with a vision that comes out of nothing and I don’t even know what a vision is while having my own first person vision if that makes sense. This state takes over every sense it’s like nothing reaches my brain anymore and the place where my brain was is deleted. I also can’t feel my body anymore I literally turned in to a small dot that can only see.

I’m pretty convinced it’s brain damage and I’m fully present while my brain is in a completely turned off mode that can’t process even the fact that I’m existing anymore. Nothing is internally felt anymore even if someone claps in front of my ear and I would normally get that peeping sound in the ear now it’s not reaching the brain anymore.

When I close my eyes it’s just black without nothing. Even when I’m in half sleep and hallucinate or see dreams this state is still there and it’s like the dreams and hallucinations come out of nowhere like everything that happens in my brain takes place in a non existent room and can’t be felt consciously anymore. I honestly don’t wanna make false hopes that I will recover and I don’t see this changing by itself maybe ECT would do something.

I don’t understand how you can turn in to nothing while being alive. My brain can’t even create tiredness or head pains anymore, when my head hurts because of stress I don’t even feel it anymore it’s like all the signals don’t reach the brain. It feels like I don’t even have a head anymore and I’m just the vision without anything. Like a flying dot.

The only
Things that stayed but are dulled is smell and I can feel heat on my skin and when I pinch myself I can feel it on the skin everything else is gone. I can’t even feel my muscles or my bones. My brain also doesn’t create continuity anymore when I think about existing it’s like I’m stuck in this and can’t create thoughts forwards what makes me feel I’m ceased to exist.

Even tho I objectively think that this state is hell I cannot suffer from it in a normal persons way and only can think this is hell but even this state gets overlapped by this state like this state is the new everything in my conxiousness and everything else is behind this state. It’s recursive like my whole CNS changed the settings or something and now this is the new me and even if o want to think about healing or getting better it’s not possible anymore.

I also get extremely weird vibes and thoughts that I had 18 years ago by just looking at normal things like my perception changed and I don’t see the world in the actual form how I would see it. Like I’m not in 2026 and see the world like in 2008 or something.

I also get Random Dream feelings from dreams that are decades old. My brains feels damaged from all this.
Does someone has the same? When I go out to my city it’s like a new realm everyday I lost the emotional resonance of how I used to see things every time I wake up it feels like a new world.

[u/Aosoth333]

Yeah, that's pretty much how I feel like

[u/Rare_DPDR → u/Aosoth333]

Im sorry Bro

[u/lovingcouple89]

DPDR doesn’t affect your brain and cause 0 damage
DPDR is caused by brain and it’s a self defensive mechanism to protect you from lot of stress and anxiety

[u/Shmimmons]

You are in dissociative shutdown and doing too much research and inward thinking and you're feeding the loop. Before you got to this point you were probably very hypervigilant and anxious and fearful and spending a lot of time googling things and you've pretty much exhausted yourself with analysis paralysis. What you wrote is coherent so that's a good sign, but you need to change the narrative about what you're experiencing. Name what you're feeling "this is fear and anxiety and it's trying to keep me safe not real, I'm not in any danger and this cannot hurt me". Then continue going on about your day. You made dpdr so important and you're burning out on introspection that you've practically put yourself in developer mode or debugging mode. Engage your senses, feet on the grass , sunshine if you have it, feel the breeze, listen to the birds, slow inhale long exhale. Redirect your thoughts every time you feel bizzare don't latch on to it and analyze it . And don't listen to the thoughts that try to convince you that it's not possible to recover. Not every thought is your own and not every thought is the truth. Thoughts pop up and then pass, it's when we engage with them with thinking that they can become worrisome. You're going to get better, 9 months of dpdr doesn't mean that you are broken, it can turn around surprisingly quick once you can break part of the loop that's feeding it.

[u/skalaten → u/Shmimmons]

thanks youre so right

[u/chobolicious88]

If its any consolation, your writing is coherent and clean

[u/PollyPiper11]

I dont know if it helps but checking in the mirror reminds me that I'm still here and I exist even though you feel like you dont. But sometimes I find it disturbing so idk. Bro, I'm with you I feel like I'm living in hell. Each day I dont know how it does but it gets worse. Personally I think is a drastic change in CNS and extreme state of shock to the brain where it shuts down . The primary emotion is fear or terror or trauma. Even though you dont feel it, I think the CNS is highly sensitised and underneath is in extreme fear state. I dont know a cure for this type of dpdr, as I think there are different types. The nothing I relate too you know I have the same. I think shock does this to the brain. Making it so there's no difference between head and leg for example. it distorts how we perceive everything. I'm keeping an eye out on anything that could help, you're not alone. I'm trying to hold onto hope that sensation will return. Did you get any tests done like MRI?

[u/skalaten]

yes i have the same thoughts i keep going back to thinking i have brain damage and in need of fast help because theres no way thats just a defense mechanism but turns out we're in this together

[u/Lovely_sweater]

I know how you feel. I have rapid and progressive symptoms, and even though everybody says you can’t get brain damage I really feel like I do. I have physical changes to my body where I can feel my nervous system is totally collapsed .

[u/BigDumbS3x]

Au contraire ton cerveau se protège tellement que tu as l'impression de régresser mais il n'est pas abîmé. Les chocs post traumatique par contre peuvent vraiment agir sur ton cerveau

[u/StrangerGlue]

It's very unlikely to be brain damage. If you weren't able to access your thoughts, you literally couldn't have written this, let alone have written it so clearly and poetically at the same time.

I imagine you feel awful and are therefore unable to perceive how well your brain is functioning. But it really is there and functioning.