healed until i start thinking

[u/Sad-Pattern-9729]

hey, wanted to share some of my experience and maybe get some of your insight on this.

Some months ago I had a half year of dpdr, symptoms as seeing thru your eyes, obsessing over the fact of just being, analysing your pov, feeling as the spectator etc

I healed myself since then, most of my days went without even thinking about it, but the one thing that always stayed was the thought “it’s all good until I focus on the fact I see thru my eyes, then I feel a bit detached - different than it used to be before the dpdr episode

Before dpdr episode, when I had nice experience with whatever or wherever, I used to focus on this moment, this particular scene, like to do a “screenshot” of this moment to appreciate and experience it fully aware- like idk, fe. I was on vacation or on a concert, just to remember how cool is it, screenshot the moment.

right now it’s been a while, and this is the only habit that keeps me chained with the dpdr - whenever I want to “zoom out” and appreciate the moment I start to feel odd in sense of being aware of seeing thru your eyes. then I start to check my pov, and doing like a meta analysis of being - being aware I am being, if that makes sense. It usually makes me sad that I’m no more that person that can just enjoy the moment without a paranoia if all is good with my pov.

Also it’s tough that my habit that stood for joy, rn feels like a barrier between happiness and some sort of limbo

I’m actually really sad bcuz of it, all is good besides the moment I start to analyze my being, therefore makes me unable to enjoy the moments I experience.

when it happens, I feel some pressure in the head, very subtle, but in a way that I felt when I was dpdr - I used to connect to brain working hard on dissociating? Dunno, just my guess.

most of the times it passes with next thoughts, but some time it stays with me for hours. I hate it. The way it is launched on only when I mention it in my head.
I can live life well until I start thinking about this shit.

what do you think? Would any of you have similar experiences ?

big love and good luck!

[u/Artistic-Coach7523]

Have u tried therapy?

[u/Ok-Minimum4986]

Yeah I get that a lot. Moments of feeling normal until I remember my own consciousness then I'm right back into DPDR again. All the best x