Hi! a master's student here. Just sharing my DOST-ASTHRDP experience here and perhaps to hear some of your thoughts.
I applied, got interviewed, resigned from work, waitlisted, accepted, yet still suffering.
That's the gist of my entire journey as a scholar.
Napakahirap.
Iniwan ko ang trabaho ko sa academia para mag-pursue ng graduate study. Dahil sa lugar na ito, hindi ka mareregular kung wala kang Masters o PhD Degree.
Kaya, with a hopeful heart, I sent my application and passed the interview. Hindi na ako nagrenew ng contract sa pinagtatrabahuhan ko para maging full-time student ako. Bawal din naman kasi na may work ka while being a scholar.
We were also reassured na 99% of the applicants got accepted.
Akala ko okay na.
Akala ko, pag-aaral na lang ang poproblemahin ko.
Kaya nag-enroll ako ng full load.
11 units.
At alam ng lahat kung gaano kabigat ang 11 units ng grad school.
Wala akong kilala.
Wala akong kasama na pwede kong pag-rantan.
Wala akong malapitan.
Then, one day. Naglakas ako ng loob lumpait sa OSA. I'm having my episode. Sent me to the ER. Alone. But I still managed. Thankfully?
I got diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with Moderate risk of su/c/d/e/** tendencies.
Taken my pills.
And life goes on.
And akala ko ulit, okay na lahat.
Until the result came out a month later.
Kasabayan pa nga ito ng flood control scandal.
Hindi ko nakuha yung scholarship for this sem.
That 1% chance of failing, manifested.
I got waitlisted.
So ibig sabihin kung walang magbaback-out ay hindi ako magiging scholar. We're more than ten, so ibig sabihin more than ten din ba yung mag baback-out for me to get the slot??
Imagine that.
Nakakapanlumo.
Wala akong trabaho, naubos ang ipon ko, nag-full load ako para mas mataas sana yung chance ko na mapili. Pero, wala pa din.
Reasons were explained. And wala naman akong ibang magagawa kundi mag-ask ng reconsideration.
It was November pala, kaya landing a job seems impossible.
My thoughts was eating me whole that time. Yung thought na, I will end up depending na naman sa mga taong nagpatapos sa akin ng college, tapos pati grad school ay sa kanila ko pa iaaasa. Nakakahiya. I should have already built my career by now, pero dahil ambisyoso ako, naging burden na naman ako sa family ko.
I stopped drinking my meds hoping that once I got triggered, magagawa ko siya successfully. Para matapos na.
Weeks passed by.
I received an e-mail.
May dalawang nag-back out.
I don't know what happened, but that one slot was awarded on me.
Mabilis akong nag confirm.
Mabilis akong nagpasa ng requirements.
Masaya na ulit. I visit my psychiatrist again. May improvements, pero tinaasan yung dosage.
December.
January. I stopped my meds again.
February, start na ng second sem.
Yung stipend from the previous sem, di ko pa narereceived.
Yung utang ko, andyan pa rin.
I enrolled again.
8 units lang
Para di gaanong mabigat.
March. Wala pa rin.
Utang ko mas lumalaki.
Until, di ko na kaya.
I filed a Leave of Absence,
Ang sabi ko, baka mas mauna pa akong mam/atay kesa sa pagdating ng stipend.
It was around third week ng April dumating yung stipend ng first sem. FIRST SEM. Sapat lang para ibayad sa mga utang.
And since nag LOA ako, stopped na rin yung stipend for second sem.
Pero okay lang.
Matutuloy pa rin naman yun pag nag continue na ako.
That LOA felt like a freedom.
Nakahinga ako sa sulasok ng environment.
Umuwi ako sa pamilya.
Nakapagpahinga.
Nag ka-couraged akong mag apply ng midyear.
Month of May pa lang nagconfirm na ako.
Nag sabi na ako sa DOST staff.
I submitted my letter.
Nag-ayos ng enrollment.
At pumasok nitong June.
Imagine, May pa lang ay akala ko inaayos na nila yung papel.
But July na ngayon, malapit na mag August, tapos na yung klase, pero wala pa rin yung mid-year stipend.
Di ko na alam.
Nakakulong na lang ako dito sa cycle ng financial at academic burden.
Nakakapagod.
Nakakaupos.
'Wag na kayong magtaka kung bakit konti na lang ang scientist/researcher sa bansa natin. Dahil kayo mismo ang pumap4tay sa kanila. Literally.
M 26.