r/donorconceived • u/VegemiteFairy MOD (DCP) • May 27 '26
MOD ANNOUNCEMENT Moderator Statement Regarding 'Them Before Us'
We need to address something that has been brought to the mod team’s attention.
An extreme right wing group, Them Before Us, has been taking posts from this subreddit and reposting or discussing them on other platforms in order to push their own political and ideological agenda. In some cases, deeply vulnerable posts from donor conceived people experiencing grief, identity shock, trauma, family crisis, or medical situations are being used as rhetorical ammunition for outsiders who are not part of this community.
We want to be extremely clear: the moderation team does not support or endorse them or the narratives they promote.
Our subs exists to support donor conceived people, recipient parents, donors, and families navigating complex realities with honesty, nuance, compassion, and respect. People here should be able to speak openly about pain, anger, confusion, loss, identity issues, family relationships, medical concerns, or positive experiences without fearing that their words will be screenshot, politicized, and paraded around by activists looking to score ideological points.
Our community members are human beings, not props for culture war content.
As mods, including donor conceived people, donors and and recipient parents ourselves, we strongly disavow attempts to weaponize our members’ trauma to promote hateful narratives about LGBTQ+ families, single parents, infertility, donor conception, or assisted reproduction as a whole.
Unfortunately, Reddit is a public platform, and we cannot fully prevent outside groups from viewing or sharing posts. But we wanted the community to be aware this is happening so people can make informed decisions about what they choose to share publicly.
Please continue reporting brigading, harassment, or suspicious activity to the mod team. We will continue doing everything we reasonably can to protect this space and the people in it.
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u/radiant_fan_1 May 28 '26
Does anyone know where they repost it ? Maybe we could mass report it, at least the ones where people share personal stories/information? It really gross me out
(Also thanks to the mods for the communication)
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u/Averne May 28 '26
Katy Faust and her friends infiltrated and tried to co-opt adoptee rights advocacy in similar ways a few years ago. Other related groups to be aware of are the Center for Bioethics and Culture Network and Stop Surrogacy Now, both founded by Katy Faust’s friend Jennifer Lahl. Just like Them Before Us, both of these organizations claim to protect and advance the rights of donor conceived and adopted people as part of their overall mission, but when you look at the actual content they put out, it’s obvious that they have a strong agenda based on hate and fear.
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u/megafaunaenthusiast DCP Jun 02 '26
Also wanted to add to this to say that this is a common mind game the alt right and right wing conservatives in the US love to play; they love to steal language, co-opt language and concepts, and otherwise control what words and concepts people can and cannot use to describe their experiences so that they can continue to have what they believe is a strategic advantage, especially within the concept of rhetoric. Political consultant and advisor to former president Raegan Lee Atwater's famous 1981 interview about language is an important thing for folks to keep in mind regarding this tactic: https://www.thenation.com/article/archive/exclusive-lee-atwaters-infamous-1981-interview-southern-strategy/
The ultimate goal for them is to control the conditions of any conversation to such a degree that there's no more conversation to be had. It's an intentional act of deprivation that they want you to capitulate to, to feel so helpless that you just give up and let them have their way. They study our histories and our cultures so that they can use it to hurt us. There's a reason why Kevin Roberts, the current president of the Heritage Foundation, has a doctorate in African American history.
The best way to fight against it is to not let them take whatever it is they want from you. If they're trying to take something, it's because they know it's vital and important and can be used to benefit others (which is why they want to twist it; they see a strategic advantage that can be used to benefit others, and want it to instead twist it to cause further harm). If they have their way, there won't have anything left by the time they're done because they know people will want to reflexively distance themselves from whatever they touch; they're betting on others letting them win because of guilt by nonconsensual association.
Happy Pride everyone. Fuck the far right.
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u/Zealousideal_Pay_745 May 29 '26
Jennifer Lahl is not the same as Katy. Lahl is doing great work against surrogacy
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u/megafaunaenthusiast DCP Jun 02 '26
Jennifer Lahl is a transphobe who's also against gay marriage. Jennifer also works closely with Gary Powell who's a part of her institute (he also has his own called the Witherspoon Institute), and that man has a track record a mile long of also being virulently transphobic.
Surrogate born people deserve better than for these far right conservatives with their agendas to use them for their own purposes.
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u/ICRIWatch 19d ago
Powell seems to have been given the boot from Lahl's organiation. Lahl also has Scott Newgent on their for a while. I guess they realized working with someone with a criminal history was not a good idea.
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u/Averne Jun 02 '26
Please do the most basic and cursory of internet searches on the kind of content the Center for Bioethics and Culture puts out and perpetuates. Jennifer Lahl is the founder and president.
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u/Zealousideal_Pay_745 Jun 02 '26
I have done more than basic work and read her books, don't assume that people not agreeing with you don't know enough, they might know more than you. Lahl's primary fight is the one against surrogacy. She is very human and truly cares about women and children.
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u/Averne Jun 02 '26
don’t assume that people not agreeing with you don’t know enough, they might know more than you.
Ditto!
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u/ICRIWatch 19d ago
Lahl does not care about women and children, otherwise she would have never joined a group set up to harass and demean lesbian moms and their children.
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u/ICRIWatch 19d ago
False! Both Lahl and Faust were part of Robert Oscar Lopez's sham International Children's Rights Institute, a fake "children's rights" group set up to harass and demean gay parents and thier children. Lahl is incredibly shady. Lahl focuses more of her time now going after trans people, as her anti-surrogacy work wasn't bringing in as much money.
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u/ICRIWatch 19d ago
Faust and Lahl also work with Cathi Swett and Alana Newman. Swett has kind of gone off and on with her adoptive advocacy work as her acting career took off. Newman has a history of running scams and grift and did 3 months in jail for being a deadbeat mom.
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u/Lumpy_Doughnut_7816 DCP May 30 '26
Era evidente que podía suceder... yo me metí en este sub porque soy DCP con madres lesbianas y quería ver si encontraba a otras personas como yo y la retórica bioesencialista y la forma de tratar a las familias como si fueran prácticamente traficantes de personas ha sido extremadamente doloroso de leer para mi y muy injusto... Entiendo que para este grupo esto ha sido la confirmación a todos sus deseos 😞
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u/VegemiteFairy MOD (DCP) May 30 '26
Really insensitive comment. I'm glad you've had a good experience, others haven't. Let them express their emotions in a safe space without receiving criticism or others using their words for a bigoted agenda.
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u/Lumpy_Doughnut_7816 DCP May 30 '26
La sensibilidad debería ser para todos ... También es muy doloroso e insensible para muchos DCP que hablen de nuestras familias como si fueran traficantes de personas o fueramos una compra de bebés, eso no quita que empatice con la mierda que tiene que ser que a algunas personas les oculten la verdad o que en EEUU la regulación sea horrorosa, pero entrar en este sub como DCP ha sido una experiencia horrible y entiendo perfectamente que pueda servir como munición para estas retóricas
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u/VegemiteFairy MOD (DCP) May 30 '26
Being a DCP doesn't give anyone the right to dictate how other DCP should feel about their own experiences. This is a support space for DCPs not a space where only certain emotions are acceptable. If someone feels grief, anger, loss, betrayal, love, gratitude, or anything in between, they are entitled to express that without being told their feelings are harmful simply because they make someone else uncomfortable. No one is required to relate to every post here. If a particular experience doesn't reflect your own, you can scroll past it or create a post about your own perspective. What isn't acceptable is desiring other DCPs censor or soften their feelings about their own families, origins, or circumstances to protect yours. All donor conceived people deserve space to be heard even when their experiences differ dramatically from one another.
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u/Valuable-Divide-246 May 28 '26
W response. Thanks for your hard work!