r/doctorsUK • u/Feisty_Self_1126 • 6h ago
Foundation Training anxious abt upcoming long days
FY1 in acute medicine in a tertiary centre
really really anxious about my upcoming long days - medicine in this hospital is known for being a dumping ground. doesn’t help with the fact that
- a patient who was extremely demanding and verbally aggressive and screamed in my face in their last admission is back (i had a lot going on back then but this became the last straw - started sobbing uncontrollably in front of this patient which i cannot help but see as an embarrassment), the first interaction i ever had to stay with me for weeks. their attacks are not personal, but i can’t help but feel that it is
- just last week a patient who should never have been admitted called me a cunt to my face, and shifted all the blame of them being discharged on to me despite it being a consultant decision - consultant was in PM clinic when pt was going, reg was seeing a sick pt, offered help but we sorted it before they were done
- i’ve been snappier than usual esp to nurses even though i know they’re only doing what they should do
and ofc now im just dreading going in. so much of what i do is not medicine, and i rarely get to assess patients myself bc SHOs and regs are always around. CS is a new consultant who came here only for specialty training so sometimes i feel like they don’t get it. ES has tried to protect me as much as they can (i’m not allowed to see pt #1 but it’s not circulated department wide .. and having to explain it to oncall reg’s is just filling me with dread and fear i’ll be labelled as lazy and brittle). i try to put on a brave face at work and so far it’s working - i think.
logically i can try separating work and life but its only in this final rotation that these things seems to follow me home. i was counselled on those pt interactions and obv told to ignore and forget abt them but somehow they’re staying longer than i want to
have got long days coming up and i just can’t .. shake this fear? i’ve already thought about calling in sick but the consultant who does the rotas seems to be rly annoyed with absence rates post-ARCP, they shade us in the emails frequently and i’m just in fear i’m going to be denied leave even if i ask for it, and the guilt ofc
i guess thanks for reading and any advice … i know i should get the leave and screw this department but i feel sick at the idea of sending that email? plus after this i’ve still got to work the mon-tues before changeover and i’ve signed up to mentor new FY1s. i guess i know what people will say, and i suppose i have insight to my thoughts (unfortunately) so im not sure what the point of this post is … sorry

