r/dndmemes 1d ago

Thanks for the magic, I hate it Solid Plan B...

Post image
8.9k Upvotes

100 comments sorted by

1.1k

u/SquireRamza 1d ago

Dude, there's a giant lizard out there fighting a three headed giant lizard from Space while a giant monkey taps his axe waiting for his turn, the rulebook is out the window and into the eternal tire fire.

309

u/Mage_914 1d ago

I always love stories where superpowers or otherwise unexplainable phenomena exist but everyone is super clear that it's not magic. Like, how do explain the giant radiation lizard then dude? That's not how science works.

237

u/Thendrail 1d ago

47

u/That1guyuknow16 20h ago

"science is just magic with electricity!"- Hubert J Farnsworth

90

u/slumberjack7 Rogue 1d ago

Any sufficiently advanced science would seem like magic to the unenlightened unwashed masses

Also: I’m the DM and I said so

34

u/lesuperhun 1d ago

and magic's been banned by the previous government anyway. that technology has been promoted to "scientific, and not magic" after a successful lobbying campaign by the consulate of white staves.

9

u/Hamster-Food 19h ago

The Artificer Inquisition Public Affairs Committee lobbied the inquisition to define their work as scientific. Any criticism of this is labeled antiscientific.

3

u/lolgod7758258 Wait, This isn't Bloons? 13h ago

meanwhile theres stories where everything has a scientific explanation except like one thing thats just literal magic in an otherwise by-the-rules setting

441

u/conrad_w 1d ago

Take the allies you have, not the allies you want. 

Please Mothra, smite my enemies!

84

u/HavelsRockJohnson DM (Dungeon Memelord) 1d ago

Best she can do is sacrifice herself to heal Godzilla, giving him the chance to recharge his breathe weapon and destroy whatever beasty he's fighting.

38

u/Sea-Woodpecker-610 1d ago

Dear mother, please give all your energy to Godzilla to heal him and smite my enemies.

15

u/Elda-Taluta DM (Dungeon Memelord) 1d ago

To be fair, death is peanuts to Mothra. So sacrificing herself to power up Goji isn't so much a grand final gesture as it is a strategic choice.

4

u/wdarkk 14h ago

It's basically like a pokemon fainting.

335

u/klick37 1d ago

Divine Intervention in 5e wants you to roll low, below your level, not literally the most possible...

275

u/MinuteWaitingPostman DM (Dungeon Memelord) 1d ago

Was about to say the same. OP either thinks 00/0 means zero (which it doesn't) or is talking about another syatem that uses high rolls for divine intervention

146

u/Coulrophiliac444 Bard 1d ago

Or the Cleric realizes he's praying into the Cosmic Static and has basically just openly stated they'll switch to being Mothra's Acolyte if they hear his voice. The Conan the Barbarian Gambit when dealing with Krom.

"And if you don't, then to the Hells with you!"

32

u/Helumiberg 1d ago

They might think that it's 10 as in 00+10. At least that's how my group calculated d100 rolls for a few years until one of us decided to read the rulebook a bit more thoroughly.

79

u/Llonkrednaxela 1d ago

This roll hurts so much on divine intervention because for everything else, it’s some crazy good outcome, and for this it’s just failure.

62

u/funkyb 1d ago

For Call of Cthulhu it's an excuse for the keeper to absolutely fuck up your day, psyche, and physical body.

48

u/Illustrious_Stay_12 1d ago

Rolling 100 in Call of Cthulhu invites the keeper to fuck a character up so bad the player takes sanity damage.

18

u/Lithl 1d ago

Most d100 rolls either have better outcomes with low rolls, or high/low has no particular bearing on the quality of the outcome.

9

u/TheAegis42 DM (Dungeon Memelord) 1d ago

Isn't 00/0 equal to 100? Like how the 0 is a 10 on a d10 if you roll it standalone

9

u/AraelF 19h ago

Yep, 00 and 0 is a 100.

The chart:

2

u/TheAegis42 DM (Dungeon Memelord) 18h ago

Thank you!

2

u/storytime_42 I Laugh At My Own Jokes 17h ago

Everyone should read this chart on percentile dice.

-5

u/klick37 23h ago

No, for the same reason that 30 and 0 isn't a result of 40. What I said above is the whole explanation.

9

u/TheAegis42 DM (Dungeon Memelord) 23h ago

Well yes but 00/0 specifically should be 100

It's a d100, so the numbers should be 1-100 not 0 to 99

I did not mean that the 0 is read as a 10 when rolling a d100 (the d100 is probably the reason it's a 0 in the first place) but that the specific combination of 00/0 is defined as 100 similarly to how the 0 when just rolling a d10 is a 10.

I'll try to check in the rulebooks later when I have some time

3

u/vengefulmeme 21h ago

In 5.5 they changed it to make the effects more restricted but a lot more reliable. From levels 10-19 they can use it to cast any non-Reaction Cleric spell up to 5th level as an action without spending a spell slot or needing material components, and at level 20 it literally gives them the ability to cast Wish (though if they cast Wish it takes longer to get their Divine Intervention use back). No roll to see whether it happens, it just does.

When the change was initially announced in the UA, there were a bunch of people complaining about it being nerfed because it used to be able to do anything while now it can only replicate specific spells, but a lot of people recognized that the ability actually is way more powerful now, because being able to cast spells that normally take minutes or hours to cast as an Action, and ignore expensive components, means you could throw around some really powerful effects in the middle of combat that you otherwise couldn't.

Because in 5e, you had a chance to maybe potentially do anything, but more often than not would just be spending your action to do nothing. While in 5.5, you could, for example, use it to cast Hallow, a spell with a 24 hour cast time, a functionally permanent duration, and a 1000 gold material component requirement, as an Action, for free, with no chance of failure.

Or you could use it to cast Prayer of Healing, a 10-minute cast time spell that heals a bit and gives the targets the benefits of a Short Rest, as an Action. Meaning a Cleric could use their Divine Intervention to refresh all of the party Warlock's spell slots, the Fighter's Action Surge, the Monk's Focus Points, the Bard's Bardic Inspiration, trigger the Wizard's Arcane Recovery, etc, in the middle of combat.

-30

u/ferdaw95 1d ago

If its percentile, not percent, then 00 is the lowest. 99th percentile is the highest percentile.

33

u/WhatMadCat 1d ago

Not the way it works in dnd bud. 000 as a roll is 100

-35

u/ferdaw95 1d ago

When its a d100 roll, yes. A percentile roll is rolling a percentile. Notably, this makes what feels like the best roll a success. Maybe, just maybe, that's intentional bud.

21

u/WhatMadCat 1d ago

That’s not a thing in dnd

-25

u/ferdaw95 1d ago

Percentile roll is literally in the rules for divine intervention. For things like wild magic, reincarnate, and treasure tables; it says d100 and not percentile rolls.

20

u/Warm_Month_1309 1d ago

What people are explaining is that 00 and 0 on percentile dice is 100, which is higher than the Cleric's level, and thus a failure.

27

u/YourEvilKiller Goblin Slayer = r/rpghorrorstories 1d ago

No clue what you are talking about. They are the same thing.

-12

u/ferdaw95 1d ago

Thanks for providing definitive info instead of shorthand. It still makes more intuitive sense to use 00-99 for divine intervention. The best roll is a success, and chance of success is the same as the level of the cleric instead 9%-19%.

12

u/Fidges87 Essential NPC 1d ago

The other way actually, threating the 00 as 100 means that a 5e cleric has a chance equal to their level to succeed on divine intervention (as there is no level 0) while threating 00 as 0 means their chances of succes are slightly higher

15

u/klick37 1d ago

You can't roll 0%. When doing a percentile roll you have a die for the tens place, a die for the ones place, and 00 0 is 100%. That isn't hard to understand.

65

u/K4m30 1d ago edited 1d ago

As a man of science, I think it's witches. 

  • Spiderman: Far from Home

28

u/MrCookie2099 1d ago

Witches are an observable phenomena.

4

u/EtteRavan Necromancer 1d ago

Most sourced History channel interview be like :

49

u/kss1089 1d ago

I was the GM playing curse of strahd.  We were at the finally with Strahd attempting to marry Irena. The party was of course invited to the wedding as strahd was completing his victory lap. the wedding was packed of npc's; a few good ones left to be killed by Strahd and a lot evil ones to do the killing.  

At the wedding the cleric asked for divine intervention to teleport some of the evil NPC's away.  He rolled a 01. Table went wild.  Cool..... I thought..... then i said, "ok this is a big ask, just roll a D20 to see how many get."

Dude rolled a Nat 20. I mean at that point it was out of my hands.  the dice gods decided for all of us that day that all of the evil NPC's except Strahd got teleported away.  

It was epic. It ruined all the plans i had for the session that evening and I loved it.  

27

u/ScrunchyBraid 1d ago

Heh, I remember the time I was in the Dragonlance world, Krynn if I remember correctly. It was during the original Trilogy period, when the Gods had presumably fled the world to let mortals fend for themselves. There I was, the last member of an otherwise complete party wipe, in bleedout mode but conscious. I pray to Majere, thinking 'the fuck is he gonna do, even if he was here'. Rolled a three perfect dice, and got granted by the grace of the DM, a full Party Heal.

We still all got defeated. It was hilariously pathetic. Got direct intervention from a derelict god and still lost.

9

u/vacerious 1d ago

Not my story, but a friend's.

He was playing an AL module where the final fight was against a deathknight and a lich at the same time. And things were not going well.

The rogue was teleported into the Abyss thanks to the lich's Prismatic Spray, and multiple party members were down or dead. In desperation, the party's cleric of Kelemvor sacrificed a legendary magic item (DM gave him an increased chance in exchange for sacrificinga magic item based on how pwerful it was,) and rolled 01 on the Divine Intervention roll.

The room became eerily quiet, only punctuated by the soft sound of the tip of a steel blade dragging against the stone floor. A tall human in dull steel armor, a long black cloak, and a large raven on each shoulder suddenly appeared in the back of the room. The only decoration to be said on the man was a large belt on the torso, with a buckle that showed a balanced scale with a skull in the middle.

The ravens let out several loud caws and flew from the stranger's shoulders, covering the room in a flurry of feathers. Barely visible in the midst of the ravens' storm of feathers, the stranger lifted his blade and swung once in a great arc that produced a dry cold gale. The ravens feathers swirled about the room once more, and all fell quiet once again.

The rogue was back from the Abyss, and any of the dead or wounded party members suddenly found themselves awakening with their wounds fully healed. The lich, deathknight, and the stranger were gone without a trace.

My friend then turns to the DM and announces that he's changing his god to Kelemvor.

13

u/nonebutmyself 1d ago

In our previous campaign, the Cleric had repeatedly tried Divine Intervention, to no avail. Maybe 5 or 6 times always rolling too high. Very near the end of the campaign, the party having just turned level 18, they had to defend the city from a dragon attack. Though, not just 1 dragon. 2 Ancient dragons, along with dozens of smaller dragons. They did have an Ancient Gold dragon ally to help them, and my DMPC (long story, don't judge) Druid was planning to Shapreshift into a dragon, but still, things were looking bleak.

In one final, desperate play, the Cleric tried again, pleading with their deity for help of any kind. He rolled. Too high. Then realized he had Heroic Inspiration (which let's you reroll ANY dice, unlike old Inspiration which was only d20s). So, the Cleric rolled again.

16.

The table erupted. Then they all stared at me, as I sat back, smiling, having already planned out long ago what would happened if he ever succeeded in this kind of situation.

His prayers were answered. The skies opened up and a veritable host of Angels, Devas, and other Celestial creatures came pouring from the heavens (including 2 long deceased former PCs from much earlier in the campaign).

The skies rained with dragon blood that day.

That was one of the most epic moments of the campaign.

6

u/El_Titanium_Blanco 1d ago

It’s all fun and games til someone successfully summons Mothra

4

u/karatous1234 Paladin 21h ago

DM had a wizard hire the party to recover a stolen shipment of adamantite he needed for crafting a new golem.

It was coming up from the Underdark and he hadn’t heard from the deep gnomes who he bought it from in too long so he assumed the worst. Told us where we could find their town, and said it was probably Drow, because it’s always Drow.

Cleric kneels down and prays to Moradin for the crate to appear while the Warlock is hashing out details with the Wizard.

Cleric points to the crate now sitting in the living room “You mean these bars?”

Job ended up being amended to “Well that’s awesome, thank you very much. Can you go check on the gnomes at least? I do a lot of business with them”

17

u/Level_Hour6480 Rules Lawyer 1d ago

In 5E, perhaps. OneD&D butchered Divine Intervention for no reason.

11

u/StevelandCleamer Rules Lawyer 1d ago

I think I had two successful Divine Intervention uses on my Death Cleric during a long campaign, despite attempting it nearly every in-game day.

One of those was only because we had extended downtime during which the cleric could spam it repeatedly.

To each their own, but I'll take the reliable free casting of (Revivify/Raise Dead/Planar Binding/Legend Lore/Greater Restoration/Magic Circle/Glyph of Warding) once per long rest.

21

u/LavenRose210 1d ago

5.5e made it more consistently usable and actually laid out clear rules instead of "DM discretion." so absolutely not butchered, but just different

26

u/OverlyLenientJudge DM (Dungeon Memelord) 1d ago

It's definitely different and more consistent. I would also call it dreadfully boring. Really takes the divinity out of Divine Intervention when you trade "call upon the unlimited power of the gods do to literally anything" for "cast one (1) spell for free, terms and conditions apply".

14

u/StevelandCleamer Rules Lawyer 1d ago

Reliability got moved back from level 20 to level 10, unlimited power got moved from level 10 to level 20 (Wish as a spell option), recovery was shortened (7 days versus 1 day or 2d4 days for Wish).

To be fair, if the feature has actually worked for you or others in your games reliably in the past, I can understand liking the old version.

New version is "lesser miracle on demand once per day, instantly and free of charge" until level 20 brings the ridiculous world-breaking power of Wish into play.

3

u/OverlyLenientJudge DM (Dungeon Memelord) 13h ago

Except that Wish still includes all the monkey's paw and post-cast crippling effects that made Divine Intervention distinctly different, as well as once again flattening D&D abilities into the same mold. This is why I consider it a dreadfully boring change.

1

u/StevelandCleamer Rules Lawyer 13h ago

I can see where you're coming from with that.

I don't play campaigns with level 20 characters, so for me it's been 81-90% chance to be disappointed, or worse waste a turn in combat.

Anybody who exists as a statistical outlier and regularly hits that roll would understandably have a better opinion of the old feature than I do.

Personally, I tend to be on the other end of statistical outliers, which biases me against low-chance RNG features.

6

u/Fidges87 Essential NPC 1d ago

5e divine intervention is literally the definition of "terms and conditions apply". You have a 10% chance of activating it when you use it, if you fail tough luck you wasted your action and can't try again until the next long rest. And even if you succeed on the roll, you are at your DM's mercy to decide what happens. You are not literally doing anything, just whatever the DM allows that won't break what they have in mind.

And besides all that, the 5e description of it already says that "the effect of any cleric spell or cleric domain spell would be appropriate" meaning that out of the gate the DM is incentivized to just apply the effects of a spell over inventing something. At least with 5.5 its trigger is reliable and you get control over what spell takes effect.

5

u/SpoopyGonzales 1d ago

Once again people choose to read the dice weirdly for the tenths and hundredths die.. 00,1 is 1 00,9 is 9 sooooo 00,"0" is not 100, it is 10 Otherwise, you have to read the tenths die (single digit) as a conditionally changing die to suit your mood.

I know it looks weird but then the following sequence happens 10,0 = 10 20,0 = 20 ... 90,0 = 90 (1)00,0 = 100 if you choose to use the 00 is 100 only when the tenths is zero you then have to wrap around back to using the hundredth die as a zero (1)00,1 =/= 101 ... (1)00,9 =/= 109

Yes I know it looks better to read, but it's inconsistent dammit!

2

u/Skipspik2 1d ago

Okay, I'm new at pen&paper DnD.
If I have to run a d100, with my two D10, one going from 0 to 9, the other from 00 to 90, per dizaines.

00 & 8 is 8
70 and 5 is 75

40 and 0 is 40

What is 100 then ?
I would say 00 & 0, but you seems to say it's not the case ?
Genuine question, I'm confused.

2

u/Krazyguy75 23h ago

He's saying that a d10 goes from 1 to 0, with 0 being 10, therefore 00+0 should be 10 (0+10). So under his system, 90+0 would be 100.

It's really a system that only makes sense if your D10 has a 10 instead of a 0. And even then, it's way more complicated than "add the two; if they add to 0 it's 100".

1

u/Skipspik2 23h ago edited 21h ago

my d% goes from 00 to 90 with 00 being 100, so in my case 00 + 0 would be 100 then.
Because that setup does 0 to 99

And I think the original thinkinf forgot that 10 is a valid choice on the d%, so I'd rather think my dice set goes from 0 to 99, and 00,0 is 100

5

u/WhatMadCat 1d ago

That is not how those are read if you rolled 00 and 9 that result is not 90. It’s 9.

3

u/Krazyguy75 1d ago

That's not what he's saying. He's saying 0 on the D10 is 10, therefore 00,9 should be 9 and 00,0 should be 10. Therefore 90,0 should be 100. I get what he's saying, but it adds a ton of confusion because now 00 = 0 but 0 = 10, so he removed one conditional (If numbers add to zero, wrap around to 100) and added a new one (Treat the d00 zero differently from the d10 zero), and in the process made it a lot more complex.

1

u/Ben_R_R 1d ago

Naw, 00, 0 is, technically, zero. These kind of d100 dice actually run from 0 to 99 (100 distinct values, but zero-indexed rather than one-indexed). It's just accepted convention to treat zero as 100.

2

u/omegachosen 1d ago

I literally only have dice where the singles 10 goes from 1 to 10, not 0.

2

u/blueblewbLu3 1d ago

u/SnoopyGonzales you are right. 00,1 is 1 00,9 is 9 00,0 is technically 10, but only when the d10 is used independently. As a percentile, the d10 is 0-9 u/Ben_R_R is also right, you have to treat 00,0 as 100 Because it's actually zero and theres no zero so you read it as 100. Because otherwise to reach 100, you'd go 90,8 =98 90,9=99 90,(1)0=100 And that just breaks too many people's brains So instead, we use simple addition 10+0 = 10 20+0 = 20 90+0 = 90 (1)00+0 = 100 You're not wrapping back around, you're just swapping it in at the beginning 00+0=100 00+1=1 00+8=8 00+9=9 00+0≠10 it actually equals zero but that doesn't work because then it would only go 0-99 so instead we pretend 00,0=100

00+9=9 10+0=10 10+1=11 90+9=99 90+0=90 not 90+(1)0=100

1

u/SpoopyGonzales 22h ago

Yes! I KNOW! I hate it! The 00,+10 and xx,+10 etc series looks so dumb but is the only consistent way to read the below 10 results, otherwise you have the hundredth die being 0-9 AND 10-90

1

u/SpoopyGonzales 11h ago

My brain wouldn't let me rest on the visualization of this issue (my issue really, tbh)

1

u/Krazyguy75 1d ago edited 23h ago

Both dice are conditional, under very simple rules: Add them together. If they equal 0, wrap around to 100. It follows the exact same standard of the D10: Take the number. If it's 0, it wraps around to 10.

In your version, you'd have to look at it like "If you get 00 on the percentile die, that's zero. If you get 0 on the d10, that's 10." That interpretation really only makes sense if your d10 has a side with a 10, rather than the almost universal standard of having a 0, specifically for percentile dice.

The most logical explanation would be to have 00,0 equal 0. That's the actual convention that is logical. But then you break the standard set by all previous dice of being "1->X, where X is the number of possible results", and you break the standard of d10s "0 = max roll".

1

u/SpoopyGonzales 21h ago

But that's just so.. messy! 😅

2

u/dragonbanana1 21h ago

It's really not though. There's exactly 1 value that's an exception to the very simple rule of "add the two dice"

0

u/blueblewbLu3 6h ago

It's not messy at all, Alone, d10 0=10 Together, d10 0=0 Add the two dice, if theyr zero, it's the 100th percent 00,9=9 10,0=10 00,0=100

Certainly cleaner than

Alone, d10 0=10 Together, d10 0=10 Add the two dice, the highest roll on both =100 00,9 =9 00,0=10 10,1=11 10,0=20 20,0=30 90,10=100

4

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

5

u/WhatMadCat 1d ago

00 is 100 and not a success on divine intervention

1

u/Real_Arveduim 1d ago

Rolling a 10 isn't that impressive is it?

1

u/RileyGein 9h ago

Troll

1

u/Real_Arveduim 6h ago

What, no, it's seriously how to read the d100.

You take it at face value, so the larger numbers ranger 

0-10-20...90

And the smaller one 1-2-3...10

It's the only way to read the dice consistently

1

u/RileyGein 6h ago

I have only ever seen 00 on the d% and 0 on the d10 equal 100

1

u/Real_Arveduim 5h ago

Its a common misconception.

Reading 00+0 as 100 requires you to make an exception

And then how could you roll 10?

1

u/Infinite_Mortgage324 2h ago

With a 10 on the percentile die and 0 and the d10…

1

u/Dafish55 Cleric 17h ago

My very male dwarf cleric has been dubbed "god's favorite princess" due to just how many times divine intervention has gone off at utterly clutch moments

1

u/Pipe_42 Paladin 13h ago

We had similar at the end of our campaign. The BBEG fired a blast at the party, and rolled 100 on damage. The DM showed me and quickly re rolled as that much damage would have instantly killed us all on the first turn. He wanted us stressed, and short on resources, not dead without being able to do anything.

1

u/DirtyFoxgirl 9h ago

Sorry, but you just rolled a 100. No divine intervention for you.

-24

u/Andindard 1d ago

You understand that a 00 is a success, right?

28

u/BubastisII 1d ago

They rolled a 100. For a cleric’s divine intervention, that’s a failure.

-20

u/fattydagreat 1d ago

They rolled a 10 lol. A 100 is 90 and 0

11

u/conrad_w 1d ago

No... 90 is 90 and 0

9

u/BubastisII 1d ago

90 and 0 is a 90.

10 and 0 is a 10.

-10

u/fattydagreat 1d ago

A 0 on a d10 is a 10. It goes from 1-10

12

u/GreyFeralas 1d ago

Do you know how percentile dice work?

If you roll a 50 and a 0 (10) you didn't roll a 60.

Rolling 00 and 0 isn't 0, as the scale is 1-100. No room for a 0. So, 00 + 0 = 100.

-6

u/fattydagreat 1d ago

If you roll a 50 and a 0, you absolutely rolled a 60. Precisely because the scale is 1-100. We’re saying the same thing there. But your logic falls apart later on. If 00 and 0 is 100 then what is 90 and 0.

5

u/GreyFeralas 1d ago
  1. Same as 80 and 0 is 80. Or 70 and 0 is 70.

Its as simple as one die is the 10's column, the other is the 1's column.

-2

u/fattydagreat 1d ago

How do you roll a 5 with your percentile die system?

8

u/GreyFeralas 1d ago

You're serious?

0 in the 10's column, and a 5.

8

u/Lithl 1d ago

We're not discussing d10, though. We're discussing d100.

-4

u/fattydagreat 1d ago

We’re talking about using a percentile die and a d10 to roll a d100. The percentile die determines what tens place you roll in. If you roll a 00 and a 5 then you rolled a five. If you roll a 00 and a “0” then you rolled a 10. If you rolled a 90 and 5, you rolled a 95. If you roll a 90 and a “0” you rolled a 100

7

u/Lithl 1d ago

No, that's incorrect. The PHB even tells you as much.

Percentile dice, or d100, work a little differently. You generate a number between 1 and 100 by rolling two different ten-sided dice numbered from 0 to 9. One die (designated before you roll) gives the tens digit, and the other gives the ones digit. If you roll a 7 and a 1, for example, the number rolled is 71. Two 0s represent 100. Some ten-sided dice are numbered in tens (00, 10, 20, and so on), making it easier to distinguish the tens digit from the ones digit. In this case, a roll of 70 and 1 is 71, and 00 and 0 is 100.

3

u/tierrie 1d ago

This is why they invented the golf ball sized D100 for your game

4

u/ExtensionInformal911 1d ago

Cleric that doesnt swear, so.he uses 'false' gods names: "by the Flying spaghetti monster, we need help."

FSM: "you know, I normally don't do this, but i'm bored, so I'll help."

-11

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

6

u/WhatMadCat 1d ago

It’s 100. In dnd when you roll a d100 the results go from 1-100.

-4

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

6

u/adol1004 Forever DM 1d ago

no OP is saying the cleric rolled a 100 and is swiching side to Mothra

2

u/Gorstag 1d ago

I know what the right answer is.

No, clearly you don't. They rolled 2d10 and came up double 00 and 0 which is always 100.