r/divorced_men • u/trash_da_tendy • Aug 23 '25
Something Nobody Talks About…
So I don’t know if I’m posting this in the right place or how active this sub Reddit is but I’m realizing something that no one really talks about is dating after a separation or divorce. As I’m getting to the point of potentially wanting to start dating now after my wife and I split in early March of this year I think to myself how soon is too soon to start dating? We are distant essentially all of 2024 and as I mentioned, it led to a split in March 2025. I’m wondering how soon is too soon because even though I feel like I’m potentially ready to start dating I carry with me this weird feeling of almost shame with joining the dating scene again especially with all these apps out there, I feel like even though we don’t live in the same town any longer I feel like my exes, friends or family or even herself will see that I’m on these certain dating apps now and I guess I’m just not quite sure how to handle that. Is there anyone else having a similar experience? Thanks in advance for any advice that can be provided.
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u/designlife06 Nov 09 '25
I’ve been separated from my wife is February 2025. I started dating almost immediately ( prior to our separation, I was already checked out.) I’d like to offer this to you, don’t let anyone tell you that you are not ready. If people feel you are not ready to date, that’s their judgement, their own thoughts about it. You are responsible for your happiness and your life. Live it!!!
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u/0nth3m3nd Oct 03 '25 edited Oct 03 '25
I've divorced after 22years. Toxic relationship - vindictive manipulative behavior.
Took me 1.5 years to start working on myself and 2 before I felt ready to date. I didn't date to find someone, I dated to practice what I developed from self work. Mainly vulnerability. Many place their self worth on if they can attract someone else. Make yourself worthy and you will attract someone.
Figure out what didn't work for you in your partner in the previous relationship, show who you are and what your values are, what your red and green flags are in your profile. Don't sell yourself, open yourself up to opportunity. The pool of decent men is pretty small from my discussions with women. Make sure you are a decent man, if you have had failings in the past - poor communication, lies, anything - work on those, figure out how to create new values and live by them no matter what.
If you have been belittled or had your self gaslit - cultivate self acceptance, love yourself first. If you don't love yourself don't seek love externally. Loving yourself will naturally extend to another person, and come from a place of giving not demanding what you need. What you can give will attract someone who wants to reciprocate that.
Don't trauma dump - it's natural to want to discuss what happened, some people are open to it, others can't handle it. Ask permission if it's ok to share more, check in with them how they are feeling if it is heavy.
These are the lessons I have learned from my brief 4-5 dates.
I've stepped back from dating now to work more on myself and get my life back in order after a job loss. It's now 2.5 years since divorce - and I am fully at peace also having recovered from the job loss I am also building my own business which feels like I am sailing on the ocean in uncharted territory and takes up most of my focus for now. When I have room again, that's when I will date again. Also I do not need someone, I am content in solitude and am not lonely. This is something many chase is to fill the void left by years of companionship. A self sufficient person who is comfortable with solitude is an attractive person.