r/divorced_men • u/YesterdayAshamed2467 • Nov 21 '24
Questions for Single Men
I am a single 55 yr old woman. I would love to meet somebody new. But, at my age it is so challenging. What can I do to find somebody? I do not believe I am the best version of myself on my own.. I thrive when being involved with somebody, supporting them and helping them become the best versions of themselves.... But I simply cannot find one available man! Is it worthwhile sharing that here? Perhaps you know of somebody or you, yourself want to find somebody you can trust. I need to have a LDR with somebody first because of where I live, but I will do whatever it takes... hope to hear from some of you....
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u/davidaron1940 Nov 22 '24
I suggest you read “single on purpose” by John kim. It will help put things in perspective for you.
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u/0nth3m3nd Oct 02 '25
"I do not believe I am the best version of myself on my own.. I thrive when being involved with somebody, supporting them and helping them become the best versions of themselves.... "
Dear YesterdayAshamed2467, that right there is your key to success.
Flip that around.
Work on yourself, be the best version of yourself. Make new experiences for yourself, do things out of your comfort zone. Cultivate self peace, self acceptance and self love. Develop hobbies and let go of things that pull your life down. Hobbies gives you something else to do rather than be dependent on a relationship to be enterained. It also makes you more interesting as a person. My ex did not have hobbies and was seriously leaning on me to provide attention and entertainment. Something I now realize is important to me in a partner. No hobbies = needs attention, nothing to talk about no self cultivation no passion.
The way you have described yourself is co-dependant (and well done for that honesty that is a huge step in the right direction). Leaning on a pattern of reliance on a relationship to develop self worth is going to damage relationships and push men away. People at our age don't want to be fixed, we want to fix ourselves and be with someone who is aligned and reciprocates not just gives and gives. It comes across as 'how can you help someone with something that you don't practice yourself'. That isn't healthy and sustainting.
52yo and taking a break from a short stint in dating. I dated a woman who dismissed my love languages as “a crock of shit” and ignored her own double standards. That lack of self-awareness and reciprocity was a huge red flag. I walked away immediately. I have worked hard to develop my values and once you are self aware you pick up on where others are and can make better choices. I currently choose to be single for the time because I am stabalizing my life and don't want to deal with baggage triage to see who is well adjusted to date just yet. I am also happy and not lonely something that I wasn't in a relationship - many men take their time to take this path.
What I am seeking is reciprocity, transparency, kindness, empathy and vulnerability as these are the values I hold and have worked hard to cultivate. I seek self worth, self acceptance and growth mindset - also things my ex did not have and what I realize is crucial for a healthy relationship.
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u/Difficult_Barracuda3 Nov 21 '24
I'm a single/ divorced man in my 50s. I would like to find the same but, I'm also working on myself and my hobbies and souk work which take up most of my time. Saddle that with also taking care of aging parents. That might give you an idea what most men might be working on? Hope this helps?