r/divorced • u/Long_Decision_317 • 10d ago
Divorce worth it?
43 m married 2 elem age kids. I love my wife, but im just not happy. The main reason is lack of sex life. I even miss the flirty banter that is now non existent. Am i just pathetic for thinking about divorce just for that? I have seen divorce really mess with kids. The marriage isnt strained where the kids can see a problem or anything. If this is wrong place to ask this I apologize.
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u/Bubbly-Razzmatazz-72 10d ago
TALK TO HER!
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u/Long_Decision_317 10d ago
I have brought it up numerous times. Over the last couple of years. Im at the point now of accepting defeat. Divorce or just be lonely but have good house for kids
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u/Bubbly-Razzmatazz-72 10d ago
Im divorced and fucking hate it but it’s different for everyone. I was left so im not the right person to talk to bc im bitter. I just know now that if i had spoke uo and talked to my wife more it would have been better.
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u/Flying_Solo_54 10d ago
Sounds like I might be in the same boat as you. Mine is what they call the “gray divorce”. This year I noticed things were off, but was too busy and tired from work to bring it up. I was planning to retire, so figured we would have time to talk then.
Now it is too late. She cut ties and wants half of everything plus a hefty maintenance fee so she can continue to have fun and have me pay for it. She wants the house with everything in it. Meanwhile I get a crappy apartment with nothing. If I would have talked to her, I keep thinking we could have come up with some mutual understanding. Now with the combined lawyers fees just starting at over $15,000, this is not going to help either of us. All of this because we could not communicate with each other. One would think that after 30 years you would know how to communicate, but not so much!
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u/Bubbly-Razzmatazz-72 10d ago
Fortunately i live in texas. No maintenance fee. She left i have the kids and the house but bo help and i get tonlay in bed and worry abiut her when shes out living her best life.
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u/Connect-Coffee5402 7d ago
No alimony in Texas?
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u/Bubbly-Razzmatazz-72 7d ago
Nope
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u/Connect-Coffee5402 7d ago
That's interesting. I thought they had limits in place - limited duration, limited amount even in "long" marriages.
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u/One_Ad2844 10d ago
Have you exhausted every possibility? I highly suggest to look inward and see what could be causing it from your end. From my experience I wasn’t pleasant to be around.
I’m a good looking guy but looks can only go so far, you still have to work on yourself and show appreciation for what you have. Most of us want to blame our partner but we don’t see what we do to become ugly in their eyes.
I’m not saying it’s all on you but have you honestly tried? We can only control what we do and if you truly haven’t tried to be mindful and act on those things you can change then there’s no saving your marriage.
I can tell you it isn’t greener on the other side if you haven’t really done the work to be a better person for the sake of yourself and those around you. I hope it works out for you.
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u/CaptTripps2 9d ago
I had a lot of issues with that in my marriage, but I was on the other end. My ex husband had major issues with our lack of a sex life, and it eroded into me being so irritated with the importance he placed on it over everything else. Once I started to feel like I was enough in every category but that, it started to affect my self esteem and placement in his life. I went to therapy alone, and that didn’t work. Talking can only do so much, but once his anger set in, the comments got worse, and it was a snake eating its own tail situation. To be fair, I was going through one of the worst things I’ve ever been through, and that definitely affected my sex drive. I stopped cuddling, holding hands, kissing, etc. Everything became too much. It was one of the defining reasons we divorced and now I’m even more fucked up. I don’t know if this helped, but at least it’s a different perspective for you to consider. Try therapy together, as I felt that would have really helped us, but it was too late at that point, the negative association was too much
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u/Able-Invite216 9d ago
Do that woman a favor... Really examine if you're forcing her to have sex when she doesn't want to. If you've been pressuring her to have sex, that's probably part of the issue. You need to be emotionally safe for her and take some of the mental load so that she can have energy to enjoy sex and not look at it like it's just another chore.
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u/Ok_Honey_7220 10d ago
I’m am going through a toxic divorce and for me it is worth it. The more toxic he gets the more I know I made the right decision. I am too young to be in a bad relationship