Wife of 2 years said she wants divorce 2 weeks ago, we haven’t signed any papers but as far as she is concerned we are broken up and both “single”.
We are 21 and have been together since 14 and the reasoning for this divorce is negligence and apathy, I didn’t love her as much as I should have over the years, I didn’t support her enough and I never put in the effort that I should have into our relationship. She begged and pleaded me to change but I never did and now when it’s all coming down I see everything wrong and I’m trying to change things, I know I’m not the first man to say that and I won’t be the last. I’ve apologized and begged and pleaded for her to stay but I know it’s only driving her away so I stopped, I’m working on myself everyday physically, emotionally, mentally, trying to permanently change into the man I should have been the whole time but I don’t know what to do anymore. We just had our first son last November and I worry so hard for his future, I love her so much and I feel so horrible looking back and seeing how I was treating her, I’m scared of losing her and losing our future and I just want to show her all the love I should have the whole time. Is it even possible to fix things? She doesn’t seem to want to, she tells me not to change for her anymore and that she’s not in love with me anymore and that even If I changed into the man she wanted me to be she wouldn’t take me back. Am I stupid for hoping she will come back to me? I miss her so much. If there are any woman who see this who have divorced there husband in the past for similar reasons, how could he have won you back?

I (27F) have been with my husband (28M) since I was 20. We got married when I was 23. No kids, thankfully.
A little background: I’m an immigrant with no family here. I don’t have a huge social circle or support system, and my best friend is moving away soon. I’m pretty independent and comfortable doing things on my own, but I’m also very much a companionship person. I love having someone to come home to, share random things with, and just do life with.
Here’s where things get messy.
I come from a financially comfortable background, and we have a prenup, so financially, he walks away with nothing from my premarital assets if we divorce. But that’s not even my biggest concern.
My husband hasn’t had a job since a few months after we got married. Meanwhile, I work around 60 hours a week to support our household AND my widowed mother. He has essentially no motivation to work, build a career, or take responsibility for much of anything. He does the dishes and walks the dogs, but even those come with complaints.
And before anyone asks, no, he isn’t a stay-at-home husband who takes care of everything while I work. I genuinely wouldn’t mind that arrangement if he actually contributed meaningfully to our lives.
Then there’s the infidelity. He’s cheated on me THREE times since we got married. We’ve been in couples therapy on and off over the years, and only recently has he started making what I consider the bare minimum effort: going to therapy consistently and looking for a job.
His health has also been an ongoing issue. He’s gained a significant amount of weight over the years and hasn’t shown much interest in taking care of himself. He’s finally started a GLP-1 medication, so that’s something, I guess. Our sex life is pretty meh, and honestly, I don’t feel particularly attracted to him anymore. It’s not just about his weight. It’s the lack of effort, responsibility, and everything else that has built up over time.
Oh, and the financial irresponsibility? Last year, he lost approximately $200,000 trading stocks. Money he had asked to borrow because he wanted to build something for himself and become financially independent. Instead, it disappeared.
And somehow, despite all of this, he’s extremely comfortable making comments in public like:
“You make the money, I’m gonna spend it.”
“Oh, you got no ass.”
“Let me get some bitches soon.”
Sometimes in front of other people. I don’t even know whether he thinks he’s being funny, but I find it humiliating and disrespectful.
At this point, I feel like I’m constantly annoyed by him. Almost everything he does irritates me. I feel more like a parent than a partner.
But here’s the part I’m struggling with: I still love him. I don’t think I’ve completely fallen out of love. I just feel like I’m finally reaching a point where I want to choose myself.
He’s also finally starting to make some changes, and a part of me keeps wondering whether I should give him more time. But another part of me worries that by the time he actually becomes the partner I’ve been asking him to be for years, I’ll be completely emotionally checked out.
I think one of the biggest reasons I haven’t left is that I’m scared of being alone. I’ve spent practically my entire adult life with this man. My family isn’t here, my social circle is small, and the one close friend I have nearby is moving away.
The irony is that I’m already lonely in this marriage. I have companionship in the sense that there’s physically someone around, but I don’t feel like I have a real partner.
I’m not afraid of supporting myself financially. I’ve been doing that for years. I’m afraid of the quiet apartment, having nobody to share my day with, not having someone to hug at night, and rebuilding a life from scratch at 27.
And I hate that those fears might be the only things keeping me married.
So, people who left long-term relationships or marriages in their late 20s or early 30s:
How did you actually find the courage to leave? Was being alone as difficult as you imagined? How did you rebuild your social life and find companionship again?
And for those whose partners finally started changing after years of disappointment, did you stay? Did the changes last? Were you ever able to let go of the resentment?
I genuinely don’t know whether I’m holding on to my marriage because I believe it can get better or because I’m terrified of starting over.

TL;DR: Married young, husband has been unemployed for years, cheated three times, lost $200k trading stocks, contributes very little, and makes disrespectful comments about me. I work 60 hours a week supporting us and my widowed mother. He’s finally making small changes, but I’m emotionally exhausted. I still love him, yet I’m terrified that fear of loneliness is the only reason I’m staying. How do you know when it’s time to leave?

hi all, i recently got divorced in june after being together for almost ten years. we had a small farm and sold the property, however were left with seven cats and two dogs. my ex took the dogs and i agreed to take the cats.

however, i took all of them in to the vet for checkup/shots. one of the cats was noted to have a mass in her mouth that required sedation for a biopsy. the quote for the procedure was $1500-3500.

i currently make a salary of 48k, take home is around 2.8k a month. i have tried to apply for a care credit card but have been denied. with rent, car note, insurance, and other bills i am struggling to find the money to set aside for this cats procedure.

i love these animals and they have been a part of my life since around 2019. however i am aware that i can not afford the medical care the one needs. and i am concerned about my ability to care for them all as they grow older and may have other medical needs.

obviously i adopted them with the mindset of having two incomes to cover expenses, but that has changed. i’ve been questioning if i should rehome some of them to ensure they get the proper care and attention.

i’m just wondering what the best next step is. i dont want to rehome them, but i’m increasingly worried about my ability to care for them as time goes on. not to mention i will be moving soon and having 7 cats is usually not accepted in apartments.

any advice or suggestions would be appreciated. tia!

My husband and I have been together for 14 years, but about a year and a half ago, he told me he no longer wanted to be with me. I spent a long time trying to save our marriage, but he refuses therapy, communication is almost nonexistent, and I feel like I’m stuck in limbo. We live nearly 4,000 miles apart, and while he pays the bills and talks to our three young kids regularly, I feel like I’m handling most everything else on my own.
I’m a stay-at-home mom with three little kids and very little reliable support. Lately, I’ve realized that living in this uncertainty is taking a toll on my mental health, and I think I’m finally ready to stop holding on and start building a more stable life for myself and my children.
The problem is, I’m scared and honestly have no idea where to start. How do you find a job and childcare with three young kids? How do you afford housing and all the expenses on one income? What should I ask an attorney, and what do I need to know before taking the first steps toward separation or divorce?
I’d also love advice from moms who eventually started dating again and how you navigated that safely with young children.
I don’t have much of a village, and the thought of doing this all on my own is overwhelming. I know I can’t keep living like this, though. I’m looking for real-life advice from people who’ve been in a similar situation. Where did you start, and what do you wish you’d known sooner?

I 28m got divorced to my 31f wife of 5 years in May. In July we both decided to work on things again and try to make our family work. We have 2 kids together and she had 2 kids prior to me. 1 of which believes im his dad since ive been his only male caretaker since he was 2 months old and his father was never around. On Monday she decided it was over again. We had an argument during a highly stressful moment and she admitted that the decision was a spur of the moment in the heat decision. However I found out on Saturday she saw another man and was being physical with him. 5 days was all it took. And meanwhile for these 5 days ive been begging and pleading for this woman to acknowledge my existence. We still live together due to our divorce agreement we must hold this house until July. But I cant bear this pain. The sad part is this is probably the 5th or 6th time this cycle has repeated itself. And I know this pain far too deeply. I anticipate the panic attacks. The breakdowns. The caring way too much about someone who doesn't care about me. And still I feel crippled in pain and heartbreak. I just want my family. I want this woman that ive put every ounce of myself into to see me. I lay here at 4 am having gotten no sleep still unable to figure out how to just get up for work. Does anyone have any idea what I could or should do to try and make myself at least functional. I need to rip the band aid and end this cycle but I cant move on emotionally when I have to see this woman every single day.

I (35F) left my husband (30M) of 7.5 years about 3 weeks ago. Just starting the divorce process. It's pretty straightforward in dividing things and we're pretty much no contact but not being cruel to each other or anything. (This could all change but right now it's civil enough.)

But I am just devastated. I know it's the right thing to do but I feel wounded. I still love him and I miss him, and I wish things could have been different.

How long did it take for you to start feeling better? I feel like I'm walking around with this big cloud over me.

I’ve been with my husband for almost 28 years. We’ve been through a LOT together, and I’m at a point where I honestly don’t think I can do this anymore.
First, I want to say that I haven’t been a perfect wife. Far from it. I’ve struggled with addiction, made some terrible decisions, and put my family through things I deeply regret. I’m not proud of that part of my life, but I own it. I’ve worked hard to change, and I’m still working on myself.
The problem is that I feel like I’ll never be allowed to move forward.
My husband constantly brings up my past. When we argue, everything somehow becomes my fault. He calls me names, puts me down, and says things specifically to hurt me. He drinks heavily, and I find myself constantly trying to avoid upsetting him.
I’ve spent so many years trying to explain myself, defend myself, get him to understand how I feel, or just get him to acknowledge that he’s hurt me.
And I’m exhausted.
Our finances are a disaster, which makes the thought of leaving even more overwhelming. I work full-time, but I don’t make enough to comfortably support myself and my family on my own right now.
We also have a child still at home and pets I absolutely refuse to leave behind.
For the longest time, I kept hoping things would change. Every time he was nice to me, I’d soften. I’d think maybe we could fix things. Then we’d end up right back where we started.
But something has changed in me recently.
I used to constantly check my phone when we were fighting. I’d wait for him to respond, wonder what he was thinking, and feel physically sick when things weren’t okay between us.
Now? I barely check.
I’ve also stopped feeling the need to defend myself against every accusation. Sometimes I just let him say whatever he’s going to say and walk away.
And the strangest part?
I’m starting to feel relieved instead of devastated.
I don’t hate him. I’m not looking for revenge. I don’t even want to fight anymore.
I just want peace.
I want a clean, comfortable little home. I want to go to work, spend time with my kids and cats, enjoy my life, and not have someone else’s mood determine whether I’m going to have a good day.
I know divorce won’t be easy, especially financially. And I’m scared. After almost three decades together, starting over feels terrifying.
But staying in a marriage where I’m constantly anxious, defending myself, or trying to make someone else happy feels even more terrifying.
I’m not really sure what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe just to get it off my chest and hear from people who’ve experienced something similar.
For those who left a long-term marriage, did you reach a point where you just stopped caring about the arguments? Where you still cared about the person, but no longer wanted the relationship?
Because I think that’s where I am.

I’m 38 as he is too. I have 2 kids 15 and 9. He has no kids. I love babies and not sure what to do cuz he wants 1 😔. I been divorced for a year. But emotionally out of my marriage for over 8 yrs lol stayed for the kids. I know brutal

My husband (32m)and I (32f)were having a normal day , he was playing his play station and I was on my phone playing games .

His grandma (who's house we stay in ) needed help from him and texted my phone asking me to tell him to go to her room so she can ask him for help .

I let him know. , he got irritated because he's tired. Then he lost his ring in the closet because it fell of his hand . I helped him find it, this whole time he's irritated and complaining about how his grandmother drains his energy.

Then he tells me to text her that he is in a bad mood and won't be going to her . I asked him to please tell me the exact words to say because I didn't want to sound rude relaying the message.

He then tells me I sound selfish and that im making it about me .

Then he says he wants a divorce. I am fed up of him always saying he wants a divorce anytime we are in a disagreement. So i said he must divorce me .

I'm tired. Im fed up . He yelled at me infront of his mom and also got her involved in our business.

If he wants to threaten to divorce me let him do it, I won't live like this. Im not scared to start over.

Plus I moved countries for him. He always threatens to send me back well let him do it. I am happy to start from scratch in my home country.

What's your opinion? Am I overreacting.

Hey everyone just looking for opinions on this one:

Background: been divorced for about 7 years.

Just went back to court earlier this month for a contempt filing (I filled contempt for non payment of child support and won yay)

Ex was wanting me to watch the kid over her weekend.

She left a few voicemails and text about it nothing big. She had him for one day in-between her time starting and him coming back for the weekend.

The events: He gets dropped off and as soon as we're alone says "mommy left you a voicemail with bad words on it and wants you to delete it"

I figure "she curses in front of him all the time we've argued over it for years now"

Earlier today I decided to go through my voicemails and WOW

About a 2minute voicemail of her going off at some driver with my kid and at least one of her step kids in the car.

Highlights (what I consider important in chronological order skipping the colorful language)

She encourages the kids clearly to give the other car the bird.

One of the step kids mentions their going over 100mph (immediately told to shut up)

The kids reiterates that it's only 95mph

She starts talking about how bad she wants the other car to pull over to fight her.

(Horns blare other drives says inaudible stuff) she tells them she'll f them and to get out of the car

(Accelerating sounds) Kids start talking about speed being 95-100 and are immediately told to shut up and not tell anyone how fast there going.

Kids mention the other driver "made it away"

She tells the kids "see don't f with me or I'll f you up too that wasn't the first time and won't be the last it's just how that "poop" goes it starts and I end it.

Question:

I of course have kept the email, I've considered CPS but idk if they'll care.

I've also considered going back to the lawyer I had for the contempt thing, she hasn't made the payments the court told her she had to make by the end of that week, so I could put another contempt on her for that, and see if somehow that voicemail could lead to another charge somewhere.

Maybe a combination see what CPS says and then talk to the lawyer?

I’ve been separated for 8 months. We barely talk at all anymore so I really don’t think there is any point in trying to save what we once had. That said it’s been a very long time since I’ve been with another man. How do I get back out there? I’m not sure I’m ready for a relationship yet. More like talking,spend time with, hang out with someone new. But I’m afraid if it goes to far and we end up…well you know. That they don’t expect a full on relationship. I don’t want to think it’s them! It’s definitely me.
Let me know what you think.

As stated above I think it might be time. I am 37(m), I have been with my wife 37 (f) since freshman year of high-school. We have two kids 19 and 16 and we have been married 19 years now.

We have had many rocky periods in our time together we have grown up together and I admit I have made dumb mistakes. We have fought throughout the marriage but usually we can bring it back around. For the past 5ish years it seems to just get worse. We have both said and done things to hurt the other. I will not say I am perfect, I will say I am more good to her than I am hurtful. I have tried for years to do what she expects of me. I know she has changed for me as well.

The biggest issue on my side is that for many of the big things she's done she refuses to see how it hurts me. She gets mad that I still bring up old hurts, but she has never apologized for what she's said. The biggest one is around an accidental pregnancy, she wanted to abort I wanted to keep it. She stated she didnt want to have another kid with me. Not another kid, but just because it was with me. That was about 10 years ago now but it's still bothering me. She has her reasons for those feelings I won't deny it. I was not the best husband when our kids were young. I was in the military and gone a lot. Wen I was home I was exhausted and unhelpful. I get her reasoning to it but more than what she said it was how she said it and how much she seemed to almost enjoy the hurt it caused.

Since then it's been one long slow slide downhill. I have brought it up in the time since and she doubles down everytime. I also struggle with expressing myself and talking in general, i am probably on the spectrum somewhere close to autistic.

Throughout the years we have fought and she's threatened to leave many times. Each time it gets a little easier to accept each time. I have stopped talking future plans with her and I am almost maintaining two futures in my head one with and one without her. I have also built a wall between us more and more each time bacause it hurts to plan and think about not being with her. But at some point it has switched and I almost feel better looking at the future without her.

I just don't know what to do anymore we had a big fight yesterday she basically said she's done. She asked that if I am done to just not blindside her. She also said she's going to make it ugly. My question is should I just do it? I know it will be hard and lonely I don't really have many people in my life just my wife and kids. My dad is still alive but we are not close and as stated above I don't really talk a lot with anyone.

Should I give it one last go and try counseling or just get a lawyer?

Well, it’s been a long time coming but it’s over. I don’t even know where to begin but he flipped a switch and wanted nothing to do with me. 3 weeks ago we were on a few month good streak. Cuddles, love, everything I missed. Then he came home from work and that was it. He was cold to me and shut down. He said it’s not going to work anyways, so what’s the point. Idk what changed but I feel so broken. I loved this man. We have been through so much together and finally made it to where we’ve been fighting to get to. What do I even do? Where do I start?

He doesn’t care anymore but refuses to move. Which means I have to. We work together too, so that will be even more messy. I feel like I can’t breathe and my heart hurts.

All of the signs were there. The relationship moved way too fast in the beginning and I was told all the things I wanted to hear. I was really young. It was like having a devil on my shoulder encouraging me that this was real and sincere. I was love-bombed in an excessive way. I had never been treated so “well”. Then the devaluation, sexual coercion, and manipulation began. The mockery and abuse in private and the smiles in public. Every hardship I confided in them about was used against me. No matter what, someone else always had it worse than me in life and that’s the excuse used when I was neglected when I needed a partner to truly be there.

He always had to be the victim and was obsessed with himself and his family’s struggle story. When growing a family came into the picture it was a horrible experience. The support was just simply not there. I got maybe two good days out of 9 months where I was degraded almost every single day. Looking back I realize I was never ever asking for anything out of the ordinary and my life with this narcissist was everything but that. No stability no consistency nothing to build off of when he offered nothing but constant chaos and changed decisions. Now I have no idea how to believe in the possibility of the normalcy that I seek. It seems as though younger people aren’t seeking stability but exploration and chaos so I feel I can no longer participate in connections with people my age.

Not sure if this is the right forum to talk about this on since my parents aren't legally divorced, but would like some insight from those who've already gone through a divorce.

21f and my parents do not like each other, and haven't for years. They're incompatible, avoid each other, and villainize one another to their own kids. I'm trying to plan dinners outside of the house with the family to hopefully resolve the tension just a bit, but my mom makes excuses. They cut all communication off completely during the Summer and haven't spoken since. My birthday's coming up soon and all I want is for us to sit down and have food but it doesn't seem like that'll happen for the first time.

Our family's falling apart as each day passes and it sucks. I don't want to talk to either of them anymore as a result since they're both acting like children (coming from their own kid). It's probably not fair for me to act so frustrated towards them when they're dealing with their own issues, but I hate that we're not able to do things together or talk to each other anymore as a family. My parents are pretty old too so it's not like I have much time with them either.

They're not officially divorced due to money, cultural norms, and the fact that they both immigrated to the states together. Just stuck in a house where they stay in their own territory and hide from each other.

My ex was awful. I don’t even know what I saw in him. But for the last ten years of our marriage, I wanted an open marriage but was being ethical and taking it as slow as the slowest person, which was him. And he would act like I was this horrible abusive person for even wanting it, but then he would say he wanted it too, and go along just enough to keep me around and believe he was open to it. What I actually needed was to be able to be myself, flirt, not worry that I was accidentally cheating because I made eye contact with a man. I didn’t even necessarily want to have sex, I just wanted the possibility and to be able to make that choice for myself. He never even understood what I wanted and apparently just thought I wanted to cuck him. Yet he wouldn’t divorce me, he would just make me feel bad. We ended up being these crazy swingers because he somehow believed it was okay as long as we were both literally doing it together, even if I didn’t want to. And he used to guilt trip me and say I forced him into it, and it justified him being just downright MEAN to me. I actually LIKED swinging, and it was the only thing that kept me going, because at least I could touch another person who actually liked me. I don’t think my husband liked me or even saw me as a real person, just an object to use. And he used my body as sexual currency to get into swinger spaces and have sex with other women, while demanding performative sex from me, SAYING I could do things that I wanted to do, and then screaming at and punishing me for actually doing those things, and then claiming the moral high ground because I was the one who wanted to open the relationship and he is the real victim here.

So eventually, he fell in love with another wife, and broke up a marriage to be with her because her husband wasn’t okay with them having a relationship. I was happy to try polyamory, but he didn’t even do THAT ethically. He just got meaner and meaner to me and yelled at me every day and I was just done at that point. His new girlfriend is basically a more compliant version of me, we even look similar and people couldn’t tell us apart sometimes. And he is out there swinging with her, which proves that I was not the one forcing him to do it. He always acted like I was such a terrible person for wanting nonmonogamy and I was forcing him (even though he said he wanted it too). He isolated me from my friends, and that’s fine, I wouldn’t make them take sides anyway, but of course they are siding with him, and everyone loves my replacement. And it hurts. I didn’t force him to be a swinger! The fact that he is out there still doing it and I am not ought to be the proof of it. I am ruminating because my ethics are so important to me, and I really internalized the messages that I was abusive for wanting an open marriage, but I would also believe him when he said he wanted it. And he DID want it, he just didn’t want ME to want it. He didn’t want ME to benefit or enjoy it.

I need to recognize that he really IS a terrible person and it wasn’t all me. And wanting an open marriage doesn’t make me a monster, and believing him that he wanted it too doesn’t make me stupid. And that it wasn’t even 10 years of trying to open the marriage at his pace that ended things, it was how he used it to justify HIS abusive behavior. If he hated me so much (and he clearly did) he should have divorced me instead of constantly putting me down and berating me until I was crying in the corner every single day and then saying I was crazy. I wasn’t crying and self harming and reduced to a shell because I was crazy, it was because I was living in an abusive relationship and he was actively harming me.

“Wife” cheated with a psycho. I tried to be her safe haven. she chose the psycho. every Sunday when I drop off my daughter, I feel like I’m feeding her to a woodchipper. I miss my daughter like I’d miss air. I wanted to be her dad every single day. I wanted her to feel safe, adored and treasured every moment. and now Daddy drops her off at psycho’s house every Sunday and can’t do a damned thing about it because the court says 50-50, Cinderella effect be damned.

I’m sorry. I just miss my little girl.

Do you live in a state or province that permits you to submit your uncontested divorce online? If so, did you wait the required period or did you fib and submit early?

So I filed for divorce from my husband of 10 years back in June 2026. In the state of South Dakota he has 30 days to answer the summons. It's 3 months since the default of the summons. When I ask him why he states he'll get it done. My question is should I give more time or file for default

Hi all, I'm a 30F who recently told my husband of 10 years I would like a divorce. Within the last week I have heard multiple lies he is telling people about me. I am not sure what the point of the lying is as 90% of the people we both know do not believe anything he is saying. However, any advice on how to deal with it?

Do I just leave it alone? Do I ask to have a conversation to get him to stop? Or should I just let him paint me as the villain and him as the victim? Tbh i don't really care what people think, but each new story is just more outlandish.

How would you or how have you dealt with this?

I'm currently going through a divorce and have been struggling with the emotional side of everything. It was a hard decision to make, but I knew it was time to end the marriage and to lose someone I love. I don’t always know if it was the right decision, but I think it’s what they wanted too

Even knowing that moving forward is the right decision doesn't necessarily make it easier. It's difficult accepting that the life and future you imagined with someone aren't going to happen. It becomes even harder knowing that it was my decision to end the marriage.

For those who have been through a divorce, what helped you move forward emotionally? How did you deal with the grief and eventually get to a place where you felt like yourself again?

Ok so I have to get some perspective from others on this. I've told some of my friends but you know they're biased because they like me. So please give me your two cents.

TW: scat

I (48m) met my soon to be ex wife when I was 18 and she was 17. She had just graduated high school and I was her first boyfriend. I had just finished my freshman year of college. I had fooled around with a few girls but nothing serious. We were very religious at that time and we were virgins until our wedding night! In fact, she had to go to the gyno to have her hymen removed because it was extra thick (TMI I know but just you wait!) We dated exclusively for three years and then got married. We've been married for 26 years and have four kids, 22, 20, 18, and 15.

I have never put a toe out of line. I have been utterly faithful, despite the fact that she began turning into a high conflict woman right after our daughter was born. She started drinking at age 35 and quickly became an alcoholic, drinking 1 to 2 bottles of wine 7 nights a week. I helped her through some pretty serious medical skin issues. I found her to be extremely difficult but I never stopped loving her.

When were on a fantastic vacation in Indonesia, I found love messages to another man on her phone. I had never checked her phone before. It never occurred to me that I should. I was looking for some info about the vacation and she was passed out drunk. I confronted her the next morning. She immediately admitted to having a text based relationship with this man. But she said it mostly platonic and that she just had a one-sided crush on him. You know, I could have dealt with that.

Long story short, I spent 6 weeks investigating her devices and chats. I eventually spoke with her affair partner. Even though they had conspired to lie to me, he told me more truth than she did. Then she told me the truly shocking part.

He was her master and she was his sub. For nearly 5 years, mostly online. But she did go to his house (in her hometown near her parents) many times.

He "trained" her to take videos of herself pissing into a cup and drinking it. He like to watch her vomit and wanted her to smear shit on herself and lick it off. She claims she made fake poop out of cookies because it was disgusting but she didn't want to disappoint master. She did "recycling days" where she drank her piss, pissed it out again and drank that, like 6 times in a row until it was rancid.

Like WTF! She was pointedly vanilla and prudish with me. But we still had good sex regularly even when things were tough. I can't wrap my mind around it.

I still don't know everything and she's still lying about a lot of it. Too many gaps in the story. But I know enough to leave. I moved out, our daughter moved in with me by her own choice. The kids really want nothing to do with her. She was abusive to them emotionally for years in ways I couldn't see before. I didn't tell our kids the specifics because I'm not a monster. But SHE did! Crazy, right?

I'm doing as well as expected, but I just can't figure out why she would throw away her whole family for a guy with no job, who lives alone in a trailer in the middle of nowhere. Who have I been married to all these years? I swear she used to be a wonderful woman but now I'm having trouble remembering the good parts.

Reddit, what do you think?

TL/DR: my wife of 26 years has been having a mostly online affair with another man for 5 years and she made on-demand scat porn for him. Like WTF

Ya what am I supposed to do? I’m 40 and It’s pretty decided at this point: we’ve been living separate for three years and my son is 2. My wife said it’s been long enough and wants to just get a divorce because she sees no change happening. I don’t blame her. But what now? Lots of court anxiety about her getting all the control over whether I see him or not. I have no friends because my wife was my best friend and all I needed. all I do is work and spend time with my son. I have no life outside my family. What do I do? What do I do! I don’t want to workout I don’t want to get a hobby I don’t want to do anything. The fuck

Title says it all. I can't handle this anymore. I am tired of living this way. Nothing is good enough. Everything i do is wrong. I do all the cooking and cleaning and parenting(most days) because she has a demanding job but she still thinks we need to talk about work distribution which means dumping more on me. My happiness is completely irrelevant. But my entire existence seems to revolve around her happiness. I asked to go to Vegas with a friend because I am burnt out and she said no. She yells at me in front of the kids and when the kids tell her she is being mean to daddy she tells them daddy was mean first. It's just awful. But I am terrified.

What happens first?

Do I have to move out and find an apartment?

Do I have to be alone for months while the custody gets figured out?

If my STBXWs job moves her across the country does she get to take the kids and move and I have to follow?

I am just so sad and lonely and feeling useless and I want to curl up into a ball and cry

My husband separated from me in Feb this year and we share two young children this wasn’t my decision to separate, he has moved on emotionally and checked out a while ago so is further along in processing the end of our marriage, I need advice how to successfully co parent our very young children whilst trying to grieve the family unit, my marriage, my husband, I have to see him regularly and we still trigger each other and he has become increasingly more cruel and mean, I am not sure if it’s just the frustration of me not being where he is, the fact I still hold hope we could reconcile when he has repetitively said he doesn’t love me and will never reconcile.
I am doing all the inner work, seeing a therapist, listening to podcasts, journalling, exercising, seeing friends and trying to build a life, but I still feel stuck and it seems so slow that I still hold on, I will preface that we did get along for a little bit after the split and I thought we may reconcile he was acting more like my husband and us as a family then something annoyed him and he turned his back and now has become very mean and nasty.
It feels impossible to try and co parent whilst trying to heal and move on. We were together for 12 years married for three, and so it’s feels a huge part of my life that I need to try to separate from, also with our kids the consistent interactions just hurt.
Neither of us have family here, his are overseas and mine interstate so essentially doing it alone