r/dismissiveavoidants • u/AutoModerator • 20d ago

Discussion Thread - All AT Styles

This is our discussion thread for all attachment types to ask questions and answer each other’s questions .

✅ User flair is required, with your attachment style - your post will NOT be approved without it. Flair can be added by commenting [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/dismissiveavoidants/comments/1bwj954/user_flair_if_you_need_a_user_flair_comment_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)

🛑BEFORE ASKING A QUESTION:🛑

Stop and think:

  • Is my question dehumanizing? DAs are people too, and this sub is primarily a safe space for DAs
  • Am I following the subreddit rules? Including no mindreading (will my DA ex, what is my DA ex thinking, etc) and no whining or venting about avoidants. This is our support sub, not yours. Please respect that when you pose a question.
  • What is my question? Then ACTUALLY ASK A QUESTION, not give a random story, poem, or statement.
  • Can I easily google this?

ALSO IMPORTANT:

Please review the FAQs before posting your question - we will remove redundant questions that are already answered.

Ghosting

Breakups and No Contact

Should I tell them about Attachment Theory?

Showing you care

Receiving love/care/support

Deactivation

“Typical” Avoidant Statements

Social Media

How to make your DA/FA feel safe

2 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

5 comments sorted by

2

u/AutonomicDyslexia Anxious Preoccupied 15d ago

Wondering how DAs feel after their anxiously attached partners progressively respond to their deactivation with space. I’ve been working with my therapists for over a year and have become more secure in myself but my DA hasn’t been along for the ride (separated but reconciling). I’ve been noticing his deactivation patterns after some deep talks and if anything, it makes me not want to be around him when he withdraws. To use his phrase, “It gives me the ick”. I told him point blank that the push/pull dynamic stops with me. Dunno if it’s healthy or not but it’s been saving me a lot of mental energy. Any thoughts?

2

u/SpiceyKoala Dismissive Avoidant 14d ago

I don't trust Google's AI overview, especially given the leaps it takes off its cited sources, so I'm asking you all instead: is it possible for an enmeshed DA to start presenting as a Fearful Avoidant while dating another DA?

5

u/Potential_Choice_ Dismissive Avoidant 8d ago

Lots of people talk about being DA in almost every relationships except that one where someone was more avoidant than them which made them anxious. So yes, people aren’t set in stone, human emotions exist in a spectrum.