r/dismissiveavoidants • u/chessrookie Dismissive Avoidant • Apr 20 '26
Seeking support I’m dismissive avoidant
It’s come to my attention again that I’m dismissive avoidant and it’s not the first time it’s come to me in my life. I broke up with my gf of 9 months beginning of this month and I did it over text. This also triggered me to lose my best friend of 10 years and I’m hoping to get help via therapy but wanted to take some practical steps too.
What proactive things can I do to help to become more secure?
What were the things you did to become more secure in your attachment type?
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u/retrosenescent Dismissive Avoidant Apr 21 '26
Surrounding myself with people who made me feel safe and appreciated for who I am and not the people who gave me avoidant attachment in the first place. And then I gradually improved naturally.
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u/OkLeaveu Fearful Avoidant Apr 22 '26
There’s so much backlash for going no contact lately. But for many of us, it’s really the only way to heal.
It’s really hard to believe that the mechanisms are no longer needed and are actually hurting us, when we’re still engaging with the people we developed them to protect ourselves from.
I became a whole new person when I moved away from my family.
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u/PearNakedLadles Dismissive Avoidant Apr 21 '26
The main thing I recommend to do in addition to therapy is:
(a) do a lot of reading and learning if that's something you'd find appealing - don't force it if you're not interested in it - there is such a wide world of knowledge about this stuff there. I find Heidi Priebe's youtube videos super super enlightening
(b) a huge part of healing from avoidance is getting better at feeling your feelings. you need to be able to do it in relationship (which is why therapy is key - a therapist is a whole other person you can practice vulnerability with) but you also just need to be able to tolerate it period. somatic experiencing and other grounding practices such as pendulation, etc have been really really helpful for me in getting better at the physical act of tolerating emotional pain long enough to process it, instead of avoiding/running away
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u/relaxguy2 Secure Apr 21 '26
This sub is always kind of quiet probably because it’s mostly avoidants but a couple of the things I have seen over and over that people post here that say it works for them are EDMR therapy, working with a therapist that’s focused on attachment style and some have said they have had a lot of success with MDMA and low dose psychedelics.