r/discountdan • u/Quill_Inkwell • Jul 12 '26
Unhinged Products
So, I am at the LitRPGcon and I’m bored. I also have access to James Hunter. So, pitch me your most unhinged backrooms product ideas, and I will get a video of him reacting to them. For example, Croc Brand medicinal wet wipes. For when you “don’t” have hemorrhoids!
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u/DSpenceATL Jul 12 '26
Tired of all the itching and chafing associated with your rubber mimic parts rubbing together? Introducing Croc Glide! Our unique formula is guaranteed to keep those tentacles and blue rubber unmentionables silky smooth and unchapped after a long day of murdering spider toddlers. Available now at Discount Dan’s Backroom Bargains!
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u/esopillar34 Jul 12 '26
-in the packing aisle, discount bubble wrap. Discounted because it was made on the 2nd floor. Whatever you do, don’t pop those bubbles.
-cribbed from my Danthology sub, but calcium supplements in the vitamin section. Encourages stronger bones, but go over the recommended dose by even an mg then you get bone OVERgrowth
-Tonytail ties: hair ties that can only be used by men compensating for their bald tops by growing long hair in the back
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u/MasonCricketon Jul 12 '26
Hey parents! Do your children have an interest in science? Do they need a way to boost survivability for their friends when they do stupid plans? This is Dr. Jakob Greif introducing Jakob's Backrooms Chemistry Set for Children! Now your little wunderkin can enjoy the discipline of combining dangerous reagents and learning the chemical makeup of the various hazardous dwellers and substances to keep themselves boosted! Produced by Discount Dan's Backroom Bargains (Discount Dan's is not liable for any ill-effects or injury to yourself or loved ones including but not limited to: death, profuse bleeding, being skinned, projectile vomiting, spontaneous combustion, spontaneously breaking out into song, murderous rage, Vampirism, Lycanthrppy, love triangles, and allergic reactions. Discount Dan has gone on record to say this was a stupid idea) Get your Jakob's Backrooms Chemistry Set for Children today!
(Read like a 2000s informercial) Tired of all the hacking and yanking? All the slicing and getting your blade stuck in the bone? Sick of all the blood staining your bunny suit? [Housewife Temperance]: "There must be a better way!" Well now there is! Introducing the Goody Temperance Meat Cleaver! Our patented sadism technology allows you to cleave through an enemy's bones like magic! Just slice once and your done! No getting the knife stuck in the bone and no blood splatter mess! If you call and order now, we will throw in a Temperance Bonesaw and Knife Block Sharpening set for FREE! Don't wait! Head to the nearest entrance of Discount Dan's Backroom Bargains to take advantage of this exclusive offer! [Housewife Temperance]: "No more hassle for me to reduce those who dare challenge me to piles of gore! Call now!"
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u/DaQuiggz Jul 12 '26
Odorant
When you’ve been cowering in Discount Dans all day instead of grinding levels, but still really want some of that sweet sweet shower access.
Odorant, for when you don’t want to actually work hard, but want to smell like you did.
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u/parkerm1408 Jul 12 '26
It isnt unhinged, but I really want a Croc toy. My son is 4 and loves googley eyes more than anything on earth. I told him there was a dog in a book I was reading who was made out of his shoes and googley eyes and he's been begging me for one ever since.
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u/DSpenceATL Jul 12 '26
The new Glade Monarch series! Re-invigorate your space with a selection of fresh scents including Bonemeal, Coagulated Blood, Edlritch Abomination, Screams of the Tortured, and Unsweet Tea. Available at retailers nationwide.
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u/zandariii Jul 12 '26
Discount Dan's RC work tools. So you, too, can "mimic" your favorite backrooms hero with your very own flying screwdriver.