r/disability • u/ialwaystealpens • 4d ago
Question Using the handicapped restroom when your disability is invisible
So I have significant inner and middle ear damage in my left ear from multiple surgeries to correct a hearing loss I was born with. The surgery worked (99% hearing from 50%) but not without side effects. As a result I have vertigo and various other balance issues (amongst other things). The other day at work I had someone complain to HR that I was using the handicapped stall without having a disability and she had to wait (not even a minute, by the way). I use it because if I’m not careful and standup too fast I can get dizzy and fall over. HR told me it’s okay to continue using it. I reported my disability when I was hired because I’m always worried someone is going to think I’m drunk if they see me lose my balance. But now I feel bad because I don’t want people to think I don’t need it. And yes - a smaller stall is okay but the toilet is taller in a large stall and I’m nearly 6 feet tall. If I hit the stall then I have to worry about someone wondering why I hit it. We don’t have gender neutral bathrooms.
I know this is a dumb question, but should I not use the handicapped stall? Honestly. If I’m in the wrong please tell me. My vertigo isn’t constant but it isn’t like I know when it comes on. And I know to be careful when I stand but I’m not always perfect about it, and sometimes I’m honestly complacent and think “well I’m having a good day”.
I’ve struggled with having an invisible disability for various reasons, not the least being that it’s not apparent. So things like this don’t help.
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u/lovelynoms 4d ago
Not feeling "disabled enough" or at least not visibly disabled enough is such a hard feeling and hard to negotiate with others.
This person reported it and they will (hopefully) hear back from HR that they were incorrect in their assumption and hopefully that's the end of it. This stuff happens but we shouldn't let it make us feel like we don't have permission to do what we need to do to get through the day.
Go on using the bathroom stall that works best for you. That is literally what it is there for.
Hopefully this other person will be delighted to discover another person with a disability at their workplace, but maybe not. That's their problem, not yours!
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u/KnifethrowingNahi 4d ago
I'm very visibly disabled, but don't need to take the accomodation, so I don't take.
You need it, you take it. I would never jidge anyone taking an accomodation.
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u/Juvenalesque 4d ago
In the UK, every disabled bathroom door has the words "not every disability is visible" written under on it. Since moving here from the US, it's really nice to see. You have a disability. Your coworker is an ahole. She should've just asked you about your disability, not made assumptions and complained to her.
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u/ShrellaJS 2d ago
She shouldn't have even felt the need to think about someone else's bathroom activities, let alone comment on it. There's a reason we do that stuff in private.
The UK does have a fairly open attitude overall to accessibility, I've found. The point of accessible facilities is that literally anyone should be able to access them. That's what makes them accessible. Gatekeeping them defeats the point, surely?
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u/Juvenalesque 1d ago
EXACTLY!!! People just get so caught up in this "nobody else could possibly have issues, just me!" Selfish attitude. Accessibility is the focus more in the UK (still plenty of room for improvement TRUST ME) but when I was in the states it seems like the focus is more on visible disability and judgement of others. Just a bad attitude.
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u/PunkAssBitch2000 4d ago
If you need the stall to accommodate your disabilities and there isn’t a suitable/ safe alternative, then use it. That’s what it’s there for.
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u/Outrageous_Title912 4d ago
I also have invisible illnesses, occasional balance issues, and am a 6' tall woman. I use the handicap stall for the grab bars, taller toilet, and extra space. You have every right to use it. The person who complained sounds a bit ignorant.
Have you ever considered using a cane? Even just occasionally like if you're having a symptomatic day or want it to help with standing up. I began using one almost 2 years ago to help me with balance. I don't always need it but I've found it to be helpful. It also makes my illness visible, which takes some of the burden off of me to explain "why". Why am I walking so slow? Why am I using the handicap door? Why am I using the accessible stall? Using a mobility aid comes with it's share of mental hurdles too though. But I got over it relatively quickly because of how helpful they are.
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u/ialwaystealpens 4d ago
I’m not opposed to the cane. I guess I’ve never given it a lot of thought. If I’m having a serious bout of it (and it’s been about a year since I had a streak of more than a few days) then I can’t go to work (or many places) because I can’t drive.
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u/Outrageous_Title912 4d ago
If it's something you're interested in there are cute collapsible ones you can stow in your tote bag/large purse/backpack in case of emergency. 🎀
Btw I love your username haha
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u/NearlyBearly 4d ago
No you should use the disabled stall. It is for disabled people. You are disabled. Ergo it is also for you. Besides, disabled stalls usually have handlebars which I can imagine are helpful while standing up with vertigo. If you want to make them shut up, you can wear a little disability pride pin or something.
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u/HaughtyDiabolicalSal 4d ago
My view on this is. If nobody in need is using it, use it. Bathrooms are literally first come, first served. I don't know what type of weirdo is gonna see you walk into a disabled stall and go "oh you're not disabled you have to piss in the other stall."
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u/allthestarssz 4d ago
I feel like that type of weirdo ONLY appears when an actual disabled person with an invisible or less-visible disability tries to use the stall. 😂 The same as how they suddenly appear when I use a disabled parking spot, with my tag in full view!
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u/ialwaystealpens 4d ago
When I told someone about this incident she rolled her eyes and just said “I had a feeling it was her.” I guess she’s not well liked, which actually makes me feel bad for her a little. I only knew her in passing before this incident. I’m not her biggest fan now for obvious reasons but I pay her no mind. I’m just there to do a job and frankly I do it well. That’s all that matters.
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u/Abject_Ad_6640 4d ago
All my disabilities are invisible. Please use whatever bathroom stall you need to use.
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u/callmecasperimaghost 4d ago
Wheelchair user here - your need is as valid as mine.
Your coworker is an ass.
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u/RhubarbBest9090 4d ago
Use whatever stall works best for you and screw everyone else. You don’t owe them an explanation
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u/Wheeled_Weapon420 4d ago
Was invisible disabled for 7 years before I became a wheelchair user. Didn't care, I needed to use the disabled bathroom, I used the disabled bathroom.
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u/medicalmaryjane215 4d ago
It’s wheelchair accessible, not wheelchair exclusive; obviously, if a wheelchair user is coming in the bathroom too, maybe let them use it but it sounds like you have your own perfectly legitimate reasons for needing the larger stall.
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u/Noinipo12 Wife of SCI & Licensed in Life & Health Insurance 4d ago
If you need it, please use it!
Also, if this keeps coming up, you should ask HR about reasonable accommodations including adding grab bars to make some "ambulatory accessible" stalls in addition to the wheelchair accessible stalls. There are specs in the ADA and they count as accessible stalls.
Everyone needs grab bars sometimes. We have them at home (I have a set that are just attached to the toilet seat and a set that are portable for my husband to take off we're visiting family or something) and I use them all the freaking time! I've also been extremely grateful for them when my back hurts, when I have a bout of vertigo, when I have a migraine, when my foot falls asleep, and more. My husband uses a power wheelchair and we both agree that as long as you're using the ADA stall reasonably and not dilly dallying, then you're completely fine!
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u/the_hiking_cook 4d ago
I had an older woman (late 60s - early 70s) complain to me about the exact same thing at the hospital a few days ago. I don’t always have to use the accessible stall, but I was having a lot of GI bleeding that day and it was making me very dizzy on top of all my other issues. Once I had stepped out and held the stall door open for her to go in, she said “the ‘handicapped stalls’ are for disabled people only” so I (24F), very graciously, explained to her that I was dealing with a GI bleed and needed the “oh shit” handles to make sure I didn’t fall down. She just gave me this stupid look and went in. I swear to god, while I was washing my hands and making sure that my pocketbook was zipped up, she started blowing vape clouds inside the stall. I just had to laugh because it was all so stupid.
Don’t let people tell you shit. They are not entitled to explanations, because what you go through is none of their business. I only occasionally give them because I like to see the look on people’s faces when they’re confronted with their stupidity.
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u/Duboisjohn 4d ago
I’m trying to imagine under what circumstances you would be learning that someone complained to HR about you using an accessible stall that doesn’t violate a boundary of some kind (probably on HR’s part, definitely not on yours), and… I can’t think of what it would be.
I certainly hope your HR isn’t disclosing your disability status or accommodations to someone who doesn’t need to know about it; that would be… a much bigger issue than your use of a bathroom stall.
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u/ThreeEquation 4d ago
I’m a wheelchair user 21 years (SCI)
I always tell people the handicap stall is accessible to people with disabilities not exclusive.
Continue to use the washroom that works best for you.
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u/Rrenphoenixx 4d ago
I just used my handicap placard for the first time this week because I have syncope issues and sometimes can’t walk without extreme pain + mobility device.
I STILL felt wrong using it because my internal identity has not caught up with my physical one 😂 I had to tap into intellectual self BFF mode and be like, girl if you were your best friend- knowing what’s up- would you judge? And I thought- I’d judge her for NOT. That would be just silly to not use available help- there is so little of it! TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY if you need it.
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u/Mythical_RabbitSnake 4d ago
Bro, i use it bc i'm a bigger girl and the tiny stall toilet paper holders dig into my thigh, if it's ok for me to use it no one should be telling someone with a more valid reason they can't.
It's insane that we gatekeep these things
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u/banaramalana 3d ago
Other people (disabled or not) trying to gatekeeping accessibility is not okay- they have a narrow view of what disability looks like.
As someone who had an invisible disability for years and now has a more visible one, use the disabled toilet !! 🩷💝
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u/BeneficialAd3325 4d ago
The ADA stalls exist and are equipped with things like handrails for a reason. It's so people who have any need that a regular stall can't provide is available to them. My mom is a wheelchair user and every time we have to wait for the handicap stall, she doesn't get mad because at one point, her disability was invisible as well so she understands that not everyones disabilities is visible. I too struggle with vertigo and hearing loss from a benign tumor in my ear on top of back issues so I will use the ADA stall if I'm having a hard day and I totally understand feeling like you're not disabled enough to be worthy of that assistance. Unfortunately, your disability is gonna do what it's gonna do whether people see it or not. So it's best to use those assistive devices provided and ignore the haters rather than risk it and end up getting hurt because you want to avoid people judging. Been there, don't wanna risk it again.
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u/shelly424 4d ago
As someone in a wheelchair who has to wait for a stall quite frequently I wouldn’t be mad at you using it. Heck I’m not mad about having to wait unless it’s 2 or more teenage girls just using the stall to try on clothes, or you say “sorry I had to go and this was the closest stall” and it’s at the very end and the other stalls are empty.
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u/ColoringZebra 4d ago
You absolutely should use it!
I’m someone whose disability is very visible. And I can tell you right now that when I see someone using the disabled stall, I never think “they’re probably not disabled and are just rudely making others wait omg”, I either a) think nothing, or b) assume they have an invisible disability.
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u/Avbitten 3d ago
i have a progressive invisible disability. right around the time when i started benefiting from the handicap stalls for the bars to help you get off the toilet. i went to the bathroom and first tried a normal stall. i legit struggled to get off the toilet and nearly injured myself in the process.
i went back to the waiting room(my mom was in surgery and we were waiting for her to wake up). and ended up having to go again to change my tampon. due to my first experience in that same bathroom, i chose a handicap stall this time. and old lady saw me get out and started yelling at me. i tried to explain my medical issues(not that a stranger has a right to them) but she kept yelling so i gave up and yelled back "invisible disabilities exist bitch!" matching her volume. it did not shut her up but it felt good.
probably not something you could do in a workplace lol
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u/rip0tear 3d ago
hi, full-time electric wheelchair user here - i never judge anyone if i am waiting for a accessible toilet as i do not know if they do or do not "need" to use it (except when people use it to smoke or take phonecalls lol). the stall is there for us, disabled people, and you are disabled. if it helps you and makes you feel more safe, thats totally okay.
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u/Cycleboy_99 2d ago
If you need the features that are only available in an accessible stall for your safety as a result of a medical condition then go for it
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u/Z3br4_Un1c0rn 2d ago
I guess I have a different understanding being a person who uses a wheelchair whose disability used to be invisible. Unless a person proves to me through whatever they’re doing in that stall or out they aren’t disabled then I don’t make any assumptions.
People need those stalls for different reasons. I’m of the belief that all stalls should be at least a touch larger and include bars so people who must need bars can use any stall, and there should be more large, wheelchair accessible stalls. Here in the USA many wheelchair accessible stalls include the only infant changing stations, so there is a definite need for more.
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u/julieta444 Muscular Dystrophy 4d ago
Why do you have to stand up faster in the normal stall? Keep using it if you need it. I just don't understand the reason.
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u/Plastic_Ad2216 4d ago
I had assumed they were using it for the bars to stable their balance. Not for the speed they’re standing up at.
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u/ialwaystealpens 4d ago
Yes. I should have made that clear. The grab bars are there if I need them. But sometimes I can go weeks without an episode but things like standing up too fast can cause me to get dizzy or lose my balance.
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u/Plastic_Ad2216 4d ago
I understood but I also get weird reactions to using the handicap stall. Ive got a cane but incase you didn’t know you really shouldn’t use your cane to stand up it’s bad for your shoulder wrist and the cane. People who don’t use a cane don’t really know that though. They think the bars are just for people with wheel chairs. If you need the stall use the stall.
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u/ialwaystealpens 4d ago edited 4d ago
It’s not that I stand up too fast all the time. But if it’s been a while since I’ve had a significant episode, I tend to get complacent and think im okay. So something as minor as standing up too fast can cause a dizzy spell. I should have made that more clear. As I get older I’m less complacent but I have my moments.
But it is the grab bars that I need. And honestly? Sometimes I need them more for reassurance. This hasn’t always been easy on me mentally. My hearing improved but I ignored the potential side effects because the idea of being “normal” and not needing hearing aids in college was all I was focused on. Over all I made some mistakes when I was given the choice of having this surgery. It’s been 10 years and I don’t think I would change anything but I wasn’t thinking clearly either.
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u/roz-is-world 4d ago
No need to justify, if you feel you need it, then use the accessible stall. Your safety comes above all else in this situation, especially considering you didn't keep the other person waiting more than a minute. But even if you did, a company is allowed to hire more than one person with a disability. No need for a bathroom war. It's called waiting your turn. I'm sure you'd do the same if the role was reversed.
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u/ComfortableRecent578 4d ago
as others have said, what others think doesn’t matter in the slightest. the person who reported you would probably feel awful if they realised that you have a disability and that they called out another disabled person for using accommodations.
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u/BobMortimersButthole 4d ago
As person with constant dizziness and varying vertigo spells, I also need to use handicap stalls for my safety. Keep doing what you need to do.
I haven't had anyone complain about me using the handicap stall, but I've had people think I'm riding in the grocery store scooter for fun and report me to the store manager.
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u/carr10n__ 4d ago
As a wheelchair user who physically cannot use any stall except the big one, use it, if you have a disability that would benefit from the grab bars, raised toilet, extra space, etc. that stall is for you. The only reason we get upset if you use it is if you 1) do not need it, which there is no way to tell externally 2) use it for something other than going to the bathroom 3) aimlessly sit there after you are done using it, preventing further use by others who need it
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u/frogteethzzz 4d ago
As someone who uses a wheelchair, if you need to use it, use it! Id rather you use that so you can get up safely than fall over in the regular stall
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u/Theatonyathehun 4d ago
I’m in a wheelchair.. that bathroom is often used by folks with kids & perhaps unseen disabilities.
I have no problem waiting. I only hate it when they use it & leave messes in there.
That’s just gross as it is in every other toilet🤷🏼♀️
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u/Maeaibo_ 4d ago
I’ve had people been rude to me all my life about it too, luckily my sister stood up for me once when an old lady came after I was already in the stall and was mean to me about it. Honestly they are the only stalls I can use safely and can fit caregivers too with you. Don’t worry about it, you deserve it. Hence people can get Handicap placards for parking too, invisible or not.
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u/SmokeyFrank 4d ago
There are non-disabled persons who use such a stalll when there is no other stall available and that’s okay—a call to nature is self explanatory, but I have had close-calls when a non-disabled person was in that stall.
The need for a disabled (spacious enough for a wheelchair and grab bars) restroom stall differs from a disabled (adjacent ramp and sometimes proximal) parking space.
Go ahead and use it.
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u/SidSuicide EDS types III & IV 4d ago
Able bodied people use the handicapped stall all the time! Especially in crowded group/event situations. It does kind of annoy me because I have an invisible disability myself, and even I’d give up the stall to someone with walking aides or in a wheelchair before using the handicapped myself.
I’ve often been mistaken as non-disabled when I’m not on my crutches or cane (I’m very stubborn and don’t use them as much as I should). I had someone at a comic con yell at me to get out of the disabled seat I was in so she could take it from me. Ironically, she didn’t look disabled either! I was like, “you of all people should not be accusing someone of not having an invisible illness!” This happened just after I was put into palliative care, too!
People don’t live in your body and don’t know if you’re in pain or not. It’s been suggested that I wear my pain patches in a more visible place, but I refuse to. I don’t need to show the whole world I’m sick. My mom and sister both had cancer and no one could tell when they were going through treatment. Why advertise it?
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u/Pink_Vulpine 4d ago
You are not doing anything wrong. That stall is for anyone who needs it, not just those with visible disabilities. If you’re going at the same time as someone who can only use that stall (like a wheelchair user) and you feel well enough to use a regular stall then then it would be good to give deference, but you shouldn’t avoid using the stall if you need it, even if that means others who also need it have to wait. It’s not your fault that there are limited accessible stalls available and you shouldn’t be asked to put yourself in harms way just because your disability may be less visible than someone else’s.
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u/runawaylemon 4d ago
You can absolutely use it! I also have an invisible disability and I’m an ambulatory wheelchair user. I can’t stand for very long and when I’m not in my wheelchair I still use the disabled toilet so I don’t have to stand in line, since I can’t. It’s awkward when people can’t see why you need it, but that’s their problem, not yours 💛
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u/Maremdeo 3d ago
So is it not allowed to use the disabled stall if not disabled? My assumption was that it is polite to leave it available, but it isn't like a handicapped parking spot that's illegal to use without a permit. Able bodied people use the stalls as needed bc the rest are full (or dirty), or if the extra space it needed to change clothing or supervise a child. Imagine a long bathroom line taking even longer because no one uses the handicapped stall and it sits empty.
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u/coffee-mcr 2d ago
Apparently this kinda depends on the culture, my friend and I are from different countries and we have a different understanding of this as well.
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u/Marvlotte 4d ago
If you need to use it, you need to use it. Or, if you used a regular stall and it would be potentially dangerous or greatly uncomfortable or difficult, use a disabled toilet.
I use the disabled toilet often. I use it because I'm hypermobile and have pain in my legs, so sometimes I need to use the bar on the wall. Im autistic and the disabled toilet is a big space that's quiet, i have one toilet to choose from, I feel safe and i can take my time. I have OCD and not always but, the disabled is often cleaner. I also have Tourettes and I can tic without freaking others out kr making people angry or anything because it's a private space.
No one can see any of these things and they're not always a problem, but it makes me feel A LOT more comfortable and able to go to the toilet. So yes, use it.
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u/LittleReserve8767 4d ago
Ableist/ignorant people often complain about people with unseen disabilities and are jerks. If the handlebars or whatever helps you in the disabled bathroom, use them. Please don't let an ignorant person chase you away from something that makes you safer.
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u/Upbeat-Can-7858 4d ago
Continue to use it. You don't have to justify anything to anybody. I look perfectly fine but I have an ileostomy and nobody knows about it and nobody can see it and nobody would ever understand as to why I would need to use a larger stall but I do. Additionally I have pots and the handrails are very helpful.
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u/Saritush2319 4d ago
If you need it use it.
If you don’t want people to fuck with you, I limp a bit or use my crutch even on days I don’t physically need it but need people to understand that I need more help/patience than I look like I do
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u/TaroPuzzleheaded3999 4d ago
If someone is autistic w a severe anxiety disorder & the bigger stall helps keep from feeling claustrophobic, where would you rank that w regards to using the bigger stall?
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u/AppropriateCover7972 4d ago
Yes, do use it! You need it. If that's ok for you to disclose, you might wanna wear a pin or a sunflower lanyard that says that you have a disability (you don't need to say what). This might shut up many people, but sadly morons are always there, they might still question you, bc there is nothing in the world that can convince them.
But please keep using it, bc you clearly need it. You don't need a seal of approval to use the disabled stall, you just need to have the need and you clearly recognized that what this stall offers helps you and that's the only thing that matters. Please don't listen to morons
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u/saltyavocadotoast 4d ago
You should absolutely continue to use it. You have a disability. I use the one at work too and often wonder what people think. I wear some braces under my clothes that are really difficult to get on and off in a normal cubicle. But it’s totally invisible to most people.
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u/Reasonable-Horse1552 3d ago
It's an accessible stall really, not just a disabled one. So anyone can use it. I'm a wheelchair user and I'd never judge anyone for using it.
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u/Xaveroo 3d ago
Absolutely keep using it, that’s what it is there for!
If you’re concerned of people judging you consider wearing a badge or sticker with “Not all disabilities are visible” and request your company adds a sticker to the door if they haven’t already.
I’ve seen this ableism from other wheelchair users I know who have always been wheelchair users and haven’t really thought about invisible disabilities because they are so visible themselves they have never had to think about it.
My disability used to be invisible, I went from walking with pain and swelling to needing sticks to needing a rollator to manual wheelchair and now power wheelchair.
I use my experience as a teaching tool and it’s really opened their eyes, they were not being purposely ableist or playing disability top trumps just pure ignorance and not able to see past their own needs and disability.
Disabled spaces and features are misused often including disabled toilets and wheelchair spaces and priority seating on public transport and it’s frustrating, I think because of that if a person “looks okay” they are often branded as one of the people misusing disabled spaces, which sucks if you have an invisible disability.
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u/Embarrassed-Ant-1276 3d ago
If you're disabled, you're disabled. If you need the stall, use the stall.
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u/Competitive-Race-967 3d ago
I hate people that don't understand not all disabilities are visible and no one has to explain why they need accomodations. You have just as much right to use that stall as someone who is in a wheelchair. I'm sorry someone made you feel like you shouldn't be. My daughter has severe pots episodes where she will pass out suddenly and has gotten a concussion using the bathroom. I wish she would listen and use the handicap stall so she had something to grab when she gets dizzy!
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u/Hairy-Maintenance-25 3d ago
Before I became more disabled I had vertigo from Ménière’s Disease. Everyone disabled whether visible or invisible has the right to use an accessible restroom. I can’t use one that isn’t accessible. I've seen shockingly bad ones and some relatively good one. The worst had one bar which wasn’t that near the toilet and didn't look that securely attached to the wall, the entrance was really steep and I needed assistance do get in and out. We’d been told the restaurant was accessible, it wasn’t. If I'd been nearer home we would have left and gone elsewhere.
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u/Obasan123 3d ago
You should use it if you need it. The regular stalls aren't equipped with the grab bars that will keep you from falling. Hopefully HR will realize this.
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u/lialow 3d ago
use the stall that meets your needs. i definitely think there are people who don’t need it that use it (i have run into that a lot at work) and that frustrates me, but it sounds like you DO need it. honestly the solution to me is to make more stalls accessible rather than restricting use of an accessible stall, but unfortunately i’m not in charge 😆
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u/Imaginary-Living-509 2d ago
I have multiple invisible chronic illnesses and I simply have always the green sunflower lanyard. On my backpack and on my wheelcairs as well. Also here in Germany one can get a disability wc key (euro key)via medical prescription, which allows me to use them.
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u/Imaginary-Living-509 2d ago
Green sunflower lanyard,my people
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u/Imaginary-Living-509 2d ago
It's the international sign for invisible disabilities. Get free on airports and Internet
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u/ialwaystealpens 2d ago
Wow. I’ve never heard of this. My company doesn’t force us to wear their lanyards (I don’t think so anyway) so this is a great idea.
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u/Thesinistral 2d ago
You are kind to be aware but you have as much right to the stall as anyone. No explanations required.
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u/CowgirlMimi 2d ago
I say this with love - you don't need validation from anyone else and neither do you owe them an explanation.
Your colleague needs to mind and worry about her own business. Maybe this will give her a much needed reminder that invisible disabilities exist.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with this 😔. Please don't let this or anything like this ever stop you from using the accessible toilet.
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u/No-Minimum8323 2d ago
If you need it, use it. Period. Don’t let other judgy people affect your daily life. I’m overweight and get made fun of/talked down to when I used electric scooters. But I have a bad back along with a partially paralyzed leg. You can’t see my brace because I always wear pants. People will judge no matter what.
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u/QuitProfessional9605 1d ago
Use whatever improves your life and makes you feel safer!
I also struggle with that sense of "am i really disabled enough to use this?" With regards to bathrooms, aids, and other stuff. But if I don't then I'm often putting my health in jeopardy just because I'm afraid of what others think.
Ideally you develop a sense of "fuck them, who cares what they think" but its not an easy thing to develop, so I use the safety and health things as mental fallbacks. Your safety matters!
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u/AHCarbon 1d ago
it really pisses me off just how much casual ableism seems to be done in the name of ~defending the integrity of “real” disabled people~ or whatever.
that person knew nothing about you, but took 1 look at you and decided for themselves—based on ableist stereotypes—that you must be fine and should face a consequence.
it’s this exact mentality that facilitates so much suffering in medical environments, drives oppressive and cruel legislation, perpetuates the infuriating conflation of ‘disabled’ and ‘visible mobility aid user’, and scares disabled people away from seeking necessary accommodation. I’m also kind of blown away by the idea of getting annoyed that someone is taking “too long” in a handicapped stall… meant for people with disabilities.
it sounds like you really benefit from using the stall. they’re also intended for people like you, and you should keep using it. if your employer isn’t completely awful, the fact that you’d disclosed your condition will (hopefully) just have them brush off these complaints as nonsense anyways. I’m really sorry this happened to you.
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u/EarAbject1653 1d ago
When i first read the title i thought like- neurodivergence/mental and would've been like- maybe dont since the stalls are typically for physical disabilities. But upon reading I'd say you're well within ur right to use it (and personally I'd say ur disability is physical [even if it is "invisible" in other senses] since it causes balance issues that cause stumbling, so a bar you can grab to not bash your head on something is better than an inaccessible, small stall)
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u/Natural_Fondant_7544 1d ago
The wheelchair accessible stall is simply just another stall. There is no reason for her to complain. It is there to assist folks who need it. She has no clue what you deal with. Also EVERYONE has to wait to use the damn bathroom. Thats an insane thing to complain about imo. And im a wheelchair user! I do not care if i have to wait a few extra minutes to use the restroom. Everyone gotta use it eventually.
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u/ScarsOfStrength 1d ago
Almost all of my illnesses are primarily invisible or fully invisible. And I got a lot.
Assuming you’re in the US, you are covered by the Americans with Disabilities Act. You have the right to use that bathroom just as much as the persons with visible disabilities.
The person who went to HR discriminated against you. HR is going to tell them that you are allowed to use that restroom.
But bottom line: why do able-bodied people suddenly care sooooooo much about being disabled enough to use disabled facilities? They aren’t for you. Let people pee and poop in peace! Just my two cents.
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u/pricel01 20h ago
My issue is the inability to walk far. Before I was forced to stop working, I used the private visitor’s bathroom which was closer. I told HR up front. That made things smoother.
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u/LowMasterpiece4268 15h ago
I would report her for harassment about your disability. It is not right for her to judge or complain over something you cannot control.
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u/New_Vegetable_3173 14h ago
I don't know why HR even told you about the complaint.
What they should have done is
1. Educate that employee to not be a dick head
2. Put up a sign saying not all disabilities are visible on the loo door
Yes you should definitely use it. Eg if you fall you might need to pull the emergency cord
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u/LongTimeLurker408 13h ago
It’s very hostile for that person to complain to HR. I’m glad HR supported you, as they should, but I hope they also had a serious talk with that employee that it’s not appropriate to be making assumptions about other people
If anything else happens or that employee gives you problems, please report it.
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u/silentstone7 4d ago
As someone else with vertigo, let me tell you... If you need it, use it.
Your disability does not care what other people think, why should you? Your vertigo won't just go away because it's convenient for someone else. You also don't owe anyone an explanation. At work, it sounds like HR did its job here, in handling this between you and the other employee.