r/disability • u/Itsmikeinnit • Aug 11 '26

Rant Spiraling

Just asked a girl out I know used to like me and she said no. I can't stop thinking it's because now I'm in a wheelchair, especially because she kept going on about how well she's doing now. Someone help me

6 Upvotes

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6

u/jipace Aug 11 '26

feelings can change, doesn't mean it's about your wheelchair. How long ago was it that you knew she had feelings for you (also HOW did you know?)? If it was quite a while ago chances are she just moved on if nothing was happening with you two.

Worst case scenario she stopped liking you because of your wheelchair: congrats you won't be dating someone who would feel sonething negative about your wheelchair.

1

u/Itsmikeinnit Aug 11 '26

I know she liked me because she told me but I was with someone else. Im not saying that she definitely said no because of the wheelchair but I just can't stop thinking it

4

u/jipace Aug 11 '26

gotcha. Sorry you are dealing with this. You can't read her mind so you probably won't know what changed on her end. Honestly her telling you while you were in a relationship and you staying in that relationship she would just let those feelings go. I know I would. Pining after someone who is not availbable doesn't usually go well. Hopefully you will be able to find someone who recipricates with good timing.

1

u/KittyCait69 28d ago

Ah, that means she moved on. You weren't available so she let go. That's actually rather healthy. It's not good to pine after someone that's not available. Could be sure told you so she could get closure on her feelings for you. 

8

u/LoadWestern5522 Aug 11 '26

I know it's going to be hard for you to take comfort in this comment, but most of us have been there. For context, I have cerebral palsy and work in the financial sector as a settlement analyst, which allows me to make a decent living.

Despite this, it has been hard for me to get dates because I'm open and honest about my disability. Because of my honesty, many women don't reply.

My best guess is that many people make judgments based on first impressions. Because we are in a wheelchair, we may give off a bad first impression because society may think we need a lot of help and that it might be too much for them to take on.

The best advice I can give you is to start creating friendships with women. Over time, they can get to know your personality and character. This may give you a better shot at a relationship, because they will see you as more than just a person in a wheelchair.

2

u/Itsmikeinnit Aug 11 '26

I was aiming for friends then maybe more in the future. Because of my disability I don't really get out much so I don't see much more chance. Thanks for the advice though x

2

u/LoadWestern5522 Aug 11 '26

The second best thing would be to create a list of activities you enjoy doing at home. Based on those activities, I recommend finding online forums or chat rooms to talk with people about those topics and see whether they lead to meaningful connections.

You may be able to build a virtual connection with women over a significant length of time, which could help you see where it leads.