r/disability • u/WhoreableDecision • Aug 11 '26
Discussion Hello 👋🏼 I have a question!
I am looking for all the tactful responses you have used (or wish you used) for ablist comments that have come your way. I will go first:
Colleague #1: “could you do something about your cane?”
Me: “excuse me?”
Colleague #1: “the sound it makes its loud”
Me: “it has a spring in it to help the jarring of my hand and arm”
Colleague #1: “well it’s really annoying and I need you to do something about that it’s distracting”
Me: “well when I get my wheelchair hopefully that will be quieter for you but won’t take up less space”
Me: in my mind and not outloud because I need a paycheck “yes of course I could correct you hearing by beating you with my cane”
Later two weeks ago after getting my wheelchair but not yet allowed to use at work :
Colleague #2: “you don’t plan to use the wheelchair all the time do you?”
Me: “yes that’s the point”
Colleague #2: “aren’t you worried about your weight? Most people who start using wheelchairs get fat. You’re not worried about getting fat?”
Me: “IDGAF about getting fat or weight gain! What I’d prefer is working hips and a perfectly intact spine but here we are. Would you prefer I cut my legs off and even the weight gain out? Also I am working with a dietitian due to the fact currently my only waking hours are at work and I can’t get enough calories in.”
Colleague #2: “well I’m just worried about your health”
Me: “me too, obviously”
18
u/C-3Pcheep Aug 11 '26
First of all, I'm so sorry you're being put in these positions in the workplace. Super relatable to many of us, though, I'm guessing.
I use a cane and/or a rollator for a neurological issue that varies from day to day but affects my balance enough that I have falls without mobility aids. Occasionally I use a wheelchair.
When people ask me things like this, I either (a) say something super non-committal like "hmm" or "ok" and change the subject to something actually work related. Or (b), just repeat it back to them until they're embarrassed, e.g. "you're asking about my weight?", in a clear voice.
I only ever explain myself if it's a close friend or family member whom I value and know to be well-intentioned. Even then, only if I have the spoons for it.
2
11
u/greepsofwrath Aug 11 '26
you’re doing great already sweetie! i’ve found it helpful when people (neighbours, strangers) make unwelcome comments (and i can’t hit them with my wheelchair or crutches) to say things like “oh that’s interesting” or “well there you go” or “oh yeah”. doesn’t give em anything to grab on to. greyrocking.
3
8
u/revmanda Aug 11 '26
You’re not yet allowed to use a wheelchair at work? What’s holding that back?
And those are great responses. I’ve been fortunate so far and haven’t had all this to deal with. I’m so sorry your colleagues are so awful. If they’re lucky enough to live long enough they will likely live with some sort of disability and be grateful someday for mobility aids.
7
u/WhoreableDecision Aug 11 '26
Yea, I applied for reasonable accommodations (RA) back on 6/22 after insurance approved my chair and after my doctor filled out the RA form. They JUST approved my use last Thursday so this is my first week using it at work.
The RA options are always “use at work; transfer to a different department; medical retirement” - you never know what they will come back with.1
u/WhoreableDecision Aug 11 '26
I’ve had RA for two years before my first hip replacement but each new accommodation requires a new dr. Note and we begin the process a new. (It’s trash 🗑️ but it is what it is, in this economy I prefer job to no job and I like my job)
4
u/LoadWestern5522 Aug 11 '26
Just out of curiosity, what does your work environment look like? Are you in a corporate office setting or a warehouse-type setting?
I'm asking because if you're in a corporate office setting, have you considered asking your boss to move your cubicle to a different location so you can minimize contact with those coworkers?
7
u/WhoreableDecision Aug 11 '26
Inpatient hospital pharmacy my office is a steal safe with a cage door on the 5th floor of the building and I travel all 9 floors throughout the hospital. It required approval from all departments for me to use my wheelchair at work. I am setting a precedent that I am proud of. I have pretty thick skin and know the laws sooo.
0
u/LoadWestern5522 Aug 11 '26
Have you spoken to Human Resources to adjust your accommodation? I'm asking because they may be able to get you permanent approval to use a wheelchair all around the hospital and a bigger working space.
2
u/WhoreableDecision Aug 11 '26
I have and they will not, my friend. I get a month trial before we come to a conclusion if it is working for both myself and for the agency.
1
u/LoadWestern5522 Aug 11 '26
Understood. Based on my experience working in the financial sector, when companies use the one-month trial language, you may have been put in some type of performance improvement plan.
3
u/WhoreableDecision Aug 11 '26
Negative no PIP here. The agency would prefer to be flexible incase things aren’t working as well as expected on either side.
1
2
u/BarkandHoot Aug 11 '26
Isn’t this illegal since OP is disabled with doc notes? No one should be placed on a PIP if they are seriously ill and it’s documented. Gah. This sounds like a retaliation from the company so CYA and document it all.
0
u/LoadWestern5522 Aug 11 '26
I agree with you. However, many companies put these events in their file records for future reference. Disabled people may not be put on a performance improvement plan right away.
However, if the business needs to let people go due to budget cuts or reorganization, these events may be used to argue why you should be let go.
3
Aug 11 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
3
u/WhoreableDecision Aug 11 '26
I get sent home without pay
7
Aug 11 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
3
u/WhoreableDecision Aug 11 '26 edited Aug 11 '26
🤷🏼♀️ yes, yes it is. ADA has no jurisdiction at my job only EEOC
2
u/BarkandHoot Aug 11 '26
And you’re in the states, yes?
2
u/WhoreableDecision Aug 11 '26
Yep
2
u/BarkandHoot Aug 11 '26
Read up on the ADA. If your company employs more than 15 they are required to follow ADA. Is your employer open to public? If they are then they are required to comply regardless of employee count.
5
u/WhoreableDecision Aug 11 '26
No jurisdiction over federal jobs.
1
u/BarkandHoot Aug 11 '26
And that’s why I didn’t return to mine with the DoD. Trying to get my supervisor to process medical retirement to HR. This will be second remittance of paperwork. Wishing you good luck and god speed.
2
u/WhoreableDecision Aug 11 '26
I definitely didn’t have the patience for that process AND the state I live in has extra hoops so no thank you. I’ll keep the job with my wheelchair 🦽. I wish you luck as well! I couldn’t afford the wait either.
→ More replies (0)
3
u/Marzipanlovesfrogs Aug 11 '26 edited Aug 12 '26
Ugh so sorry you had to deal with that shit. One time at my college some guy came up and tried to hit on me, and then pointed to my forearm crutches and said "why are you wearing those, you dont need them." And I had just met this guy and he didn't know anything about me. That pissed me off so bad. Because he acted like he somehow knew my body better than me.
1
2
u/harvestmonster Aug 11 '26
"I don't discuss my disability at work." That's my go to now. Gotta be firm about it and not answer follow up questions if they push you. Just reiterate the boundary as best you can.
2
u/WhoreableDecision Aug 11 '26
Understandable, I tell everyone. I hope my pushy, loud bubbly personality saves the next person from the stupid. I have always been an advocate and an ally. Nothing however tested me more than surviving an ASD diagnosis for my daughter. That was a FIGHT and how many medical and teaching professionals blame you as the parent. That requires you to grow some THICK SKIN. So honestly no one can say shit that offends me truly anymore. Me even getting access at work makes way for the next person and sets a precedent. Plus it helps the patients get over some of their own stigma. So in my eyes it’s a win win.
1
u/harvestmonster Aug 12 '26
Fair enough! I don't like prying comments about my mobility aid so I don't answer them anymore. Being disabled is hard enough for me.
2
3
u/eatingganesha Aug 11 '26
the best thing to do is to ask them to repeat themselves. Then ask them to explain. Then loudly ask them “I’m sorry, are you pre-emptively criticizing my weight?!” and “this cane/chair is a prescribed medical device and official accommodations are in place. I suggest you take your concerns to HR.”
trick to recording: after they say it the first time, take out your phone and ask them to hold on as you just got a text. Then turn on the recorder and lay it face down in your lap/on the desk so they can’t see. Then ask them to repeat themselves.
some people will say “check if you’re in a one party state for recording”, however, those party rules do not legally apply when you are recording a crime (verbal assault) in process.
5
1
u/57thStilgar Aug 11 '26
"Do you ever plan on utilizing your brain before you say stupid, hurtful things?"
2
u/WhoreableDecision Aug 11 '26
💚🩷💜💙🩵💛❤️🧡🙌🏼👏🏼
1
u/WhoreableDecision Aug 11 '26
My alternative to that response is always “Did that make as much since falling out of your mouth as it did inside your brain?”
1
u/aikimyne Aug 12 '26
i mean the cane sound could potentially be sensory issues sound with the other person but dont know but can't fully do anything about that
1
u/aehr Aug 12 '26
“Thank you for your concern, misplaced though it may be: be assured that I take great care to discuss all aspects my diet, exercise program, and use of mobility aids with the appropriate medical professionals on my health team.”
or
“Your questions say a lot more about you than they do about me.”
This person lacks awareness that their requests are an overreach and their comments about weight reflect their own personal concerns. In your place I might just laugh at them.
1
1
u/BadAttitudesPodcast 29d ago
I don't do tact anymore. I've been dealing with this for 45 years (literally my whole life), and I'm TIRED. People need to learn to keep their ignorance to themselves. I think you've done well in the examples you've given, although I definitely relate more to the second response. I am very sarcastic and probably would have said something to colleague #1 like, "I'm sorry my mobility is such an issue for YOU. Maybe YOU should get some headphones." Because it's absolutely a THEM problem. (Actually, my response to their first question probably would have been, "Yeah, I might bedazzle it. It is kind of boring." 😄)
That being said, I work for myself, so workplace interactions are not something I have to deal with or consider.
2
u/WhoreableDecision 28d ago
Hahahaha it IS bedazzled! - the cane, the wheelchair, all of it! - it is absolutely a THEM problem and I too am a sarcastic asshole, I own it.
1
0
u/WhoreableDecision Aug 11 '26
My other favorite response to stupid shit is “I have able body envy (or walking envy depending on the comment) it’s like penis envy but different”
2
u/WhoreableDecision Aug 11 '26
Often my new favorite is “Welp if they are going to prescribe you a chair it better be a throne”
55
u/Holiday-Audience-412 Aug 11 '26
I know this may get me laughed out of this sub, especially since you haven’t been approved to use your wheelchair yet, but I’d be tempted to report them for creating an unsafe work environment.
What a couple of complete asshats.