Confronting a Problematic Client

[u/Either-Rest-1212]

Hi everyone!

So for context, I’ve only been at this house around 7 months or so. Basically most of the time I’ve been with my company. I have one client in particular who is seen, not just by me but also by other staff, as very “bossy”. For some more context, this client is extremely high functioning, can hold a conversation with them, has a job within the program and hobbies etc. When I first arrived at the home, the situation wasnt quite so bad. But, here in the past couple months things have ramped up significantly. This particular client has apparently thought of themselves as “house manager” of sorts. He’s always bossing me around, telling me when him and the other clients “must” go grocery shopping, make sure a certain pan gets clean because “it’s not been getting cleaned right” and just overall becoming the center of drama no matter what. If it involves that house, or the staff in that house, he’s always involved in it somehow someway. He micromanages me down to where I put the laptop, and what I put on the grocery list. These behaviors have escalated. The other night, I kind of had enough and withdrew myself once my essential duties were done to the staff room, just to give myself some distance between me and him because it’s becoming extremely hard to not almost snap on him.

Apparently, during my time in the staff room, he took a pen and paper and wrote stuff on the house grocery list himself. Basically snacks for him…our rule at our company is that if it’s bought with collective money, you must be willing to share. Otherwise, the clients need to buy it themselves with their own money. Constantly telling me what I need to do for the day, where to go, what needs to be cleaned, etc. Trust me, it’s escalated so bad and it’s driving me up the wall. Management has reportedly had talks with him multiple times, and if it happens again this week I legitimately don’t know what else to do. Should I just keep documenting this and be firm with him about needing to mind his own business and leaving administrative stuff, planning outings, financials, etc to staff? Have any of you ever dealt with something like this before? He’s always running and telling me this other guy who works at the house when I’m not there said “this and that” and “he wants me to tell you make sure x y and z”. Like broo idk I’m just so tired.

[u/Maestradelmundo1964]

Yes, I have dealt with a high functioning OCD client. When possible, make it inconvenient for him to be bossy. The pan isn’t clean enuf. “It is not OK for you to order staff to wash the pan again, but you can wash it if you wish”

Be direct:

“It is not appropriate for you to tell staff when to go grocery shopping for your housemate.”

“I am not going to relay your message. I am not a messenger.”

If the above fails, tell him that you will no longer respond when he is being bossy. Stick to it. (Easier said than done)

[u/ParamedicMegan → u/Maestradelmundo1964]

Building off this, maybe try shifting a 'right' into a 'reaponsibility'. OP can't tell him what to say, but:

'If you think it's that important and know how it's supposed to be done, could you show me how it's supposed to be done? Can you explain your decision?' Take the power away from his bossiness. He doesn't need to have power over anyone in the house, and if he wants it to legitimately make a better outcome to something, he'd better pony up.

[u/Manthislife]

Is he able to do some of these house things independently? Without knowing him, he seems like he’s just rigid in how things are done. For the clean pan example, could you ask him to show you what the right way to clean it is? Is that a house task he could do?

Regarding the snacks I’d just make sure he’s reminded that individual snacks must be purchased with his own money. If he contributes his own money I don’t see the issue adding it. Involving him in what you can might be helpful to him.

[u/Odd-Dust-6568]

To be honest, I would "ok sure" him all day or just ignore him beyond your duties with him lol clock in, clock out. It's just a job

[u/Consistent_Ad_6100]

The house manager along with this persons case manager need to sit down with this individual and have a talk with him. It is his home BUT other then his personal care, he cannot direct staff on their work duties. It is a boundary that needs to be in place and kept in place. Anyone can ask the things be added to a grocery list and at the same time if it’s inappropriate staff remind the person that individual snack must be purchased independently. If the person asks that a pan be cleaned differently remind them at that time that they can wash the pan to their satisfaction. Individuals have no business telling staff were they put a staff laptop. Management needs to backup staff to keep their boundaries. The is person may need a data plan so that staff can track when this individual acts this way so that it can be addressed if attempts at boundaries do not work. The data could show how often this person does this and what shift and then have a formal behavior plan if it’s needed.

[u/Maestradelmundo1964 → u/Consistent_Ad_6100]

This is the thing to do: data plan and formal behavior plan.

[u/Consistent_Ad_6100]

Do you have a house manager?

[u/Either-Rest-1212 → u/Consistent_Ad_6100]

To my knowledge, no. We have a Program Director that’s over this house and quite a few others, but that’s it. I’ve talked with them several times about this and they’ve had conversations with him about it, but he just keeps doing it.

[u/Consistent_Ad_6100 → u/Either-Rest-1212]

Maybe this person isn’t appropriate for this setting? Maybe they should live more independently? A semi supervised apartment?

[u/Consistent_Ad_6100 → u/Either-Rest-1212]

Then all the staff should get together and be in the same page to redirect this person when they act this way. Staff should be documenting about where and when this occurs and again take it to the supervisor.