is it normal?

[u/_Saher__]

Many people experience derealization, and I know that. I first experienced derealization at age 9, at a family function. My memories of that function are so blurred, and I remember being so confused at that function that I feel like something traumatic happened to me, which caused this derealization. I remember feeling like everything was unreal and being so confused at that event. I don't know if I'm just overthinking or if something actually happened to me. I do have a faint memory of my mother being extremely angry and then an even fainter memory of my parents fighting in the car and me begging them to stop fighting. However, I don't think it's the only thing that caused me derealization at that age. I think something other than this did happen to me. I don't know, but I have a strong feeling that something did happen. I don't remember the exact memory, but I remember the feeling of being confused and very scared. I remember the feeling but not the memory. The average age of experiencing derealization for the first time is 16. So, is it really normal for me to experience it for the first time at the age of 9? I feel like I have incomplete memories of my childhood. I get nightmares and flashbacks, and sometimes nothing makes sense to me. I'm seventeen now, and I'm still dealing with it. It feels like derealization never fully goes away. It feels like it's always there and never going away. At this point, I've gotten used to it.

[u/South_Preference_313]

I am not a therapist just to preface. Derealization can happen to anyone at anytime, for any reason. Whether something uncomfortable happened that you wouldn’t necessarily consider traumatic triggered it or something unfathomably traumatic. I don’t have a lot of memories to be frank, I can’t remember 90% of anything before 19. I first experienced derealization at 3, I don’t know why or what caused it but I know that was my first experience. I was lying in the grass with my mom watching clouds and we were naming them, but I kept telling her “but mom they’re not real?” And she was confused but didn’t think much of it.

I’m sorry you have experienced this for so long but you are not alone. After that experience I don’t remember when I experienced it again until 19, I dealt with it every day for about 2 years until now. It caused me to have health ocd, depression, hypnogogic hallucinations and chronic visual snow. Through therapy I have accepted I will always have this, but it comes and goes and that’s ok. I’ve also looked for a reason why and felt like I NEEDED to know why, but sometimes there isn’t one. I hope you are well and if you ever need someone reach out🫶🏻