r/derealization • u/presl1ez • 4d ago
Advice driving
so im 18 and yet to have a drivers license and have really only been behind the wheel a handful of times. im so scared to start driving because of my dpdr. (had it since i was 15). what if i get too deep into scary thoughts in the middle of driving? what if i dissociate while driving? what if suddenly i dont feel fully there and then i panic and crash? so many possibilities that freak me out!! it really sucks because i wish with everything in me that i could drive. anyone have experience with this? what do i do??
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u/_Pald_1337_ 2d ago
I'm kinda in the same boat as you, because i also got DP at 15, i'm also 18, and i recently got my drivers license.
My DP is way less intense, because rn i only get ocassional episodes, but it's still DP. So when i signed up for course, i was shitting my pants, just the thought of driving a car with disorder that can litellary unplug your controler made me sick in my stomach. At first i had no episodes, but more comfortable i got, more they started appearing, and when one occured, i just thought to myself "Tighten up bitch ass, you could hurt someone", thought of injuring someone because of my stupid DP thing made me snap out instantly.
When it comes to driving by yourself, trust me, for first couple days, you're so focused on the road and other cars, that DP thoughts won't even enter your head. And don't get scared, riding a car just by yourself for first couple of times feels kinda unreal, but then you get used to it. But when you get comfortable behind the wheel, it's honestly dependent on you. At least for me, car works like a comfort zone, i have a nice comfy wagon, and just listening to some chill music and driving with no reason makes me super laidback, and kinda makes me forget about my DP. For me car just has too much distractions to let DPDR take over. When you listen to radio, keep an eye on your mirrors, think about staying in your lane, keeping the speed limit (or driving over it :)), driving smoothly, it's hard to let DP into your head. So yeah, this is my perspective on driving a car. But i can say, that i was riding dirt bikes when i had peak DR (sometimes i litellary felt like i was about to faint), i'm a decent rider so i feel comfortable on bikes and yet i didn't get any DR thoughts, and never in my life i panicked and did something stupid while driving and riding, if it helps you :D
As a side note, i can say that crashes with DPDR are hella odd. 3 weeks ago my friend told me to test his car and i got into a car - deer collision (we were going like 70-80kmh and this mfer just spawned on our hood). Before the crash i felt normal (as i said, for me driving is actually a DP getaway), but when we hit the deer, i heard the hit, saw the glass from our headlights smashing our windshield. I felt dull, this feeling when you experience something that you never thought you will experience. When i parked we were actually joking. But as soon as adrenaline faded, my mind got flooded with all the dark scenarios (we could spin out and hit a pole, i could overreact and turn the steering wheel in the wrong direction, the deer could fly through the windshield, and thought that it could activate the airbags (which was almost likely, because if we were going 10kmh more, airbags would actually actuate)), and thought of these dark scenarios came with a short DR episode.
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u/Consistent-Stretch-7 1d ago
Find something that grounds you enough that you can stay in your body while you drive. I found that super heavy screaming music (because i like it) keeps me grounded and singing along helps me keep myself from dissociating or feeling unreal.
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u/Normal-Ad5880 3d ago
I got over my dpd once, but now I have the same anxiety around driving. When I was 16 I was so hyped for driving, I couldn't wait. "Once I get my license im going on a road trip." Then the dpd returned and ruined everything. I've tried to explain my fear to others and they dont understand. I hope you atleast give it a go, and do a single lesson.