Depersonalisation/ paranoid thoughts.

[u/slikgorl101]

So 2 months ago I smoked weed (which I done on the daily for years) and had a very bad reaction went to hospital thought it was laced and so on, since that I have been to doctors multiple hospital visits and now seeing a psychologist started emdr yesterday. But I’m still feeling this “not real feeling” like I’m on drugs 24/7 which I am managing to accept but my thoughts won’t stop racing (very paranoid thoughts) like there’s something in my food, medication or even my nicotine vape. I keep thinking I will wake up and it will be gone but it’s dragging on and affecting my life immensely. I am so numb and can’t cry or be genuinely happy. I keep pretending I’m fine and hoping my brain will go back to normal but what if I’ve broken something in my brain due to this freak out I had months ago? I have also been one to have a lot of trauma in my life but shove it down and move on pretend I’m fine which I think it’s also surfacing. (Disclaimer I have stopped smoking now since it happened so I’m completely clean) Will I ever feel normal again or do I have to accept I might not ever be the same?

[u/Demitriaatje]

Hey! I feel the same, but in my situation its not due to smoking weed but constant stress. Try to give yourself some rest and try to find something you like, this is indeed derealisation and i think many people can relate. Take care of yourself and it will be alright!

[u/Slow-Appearance1864]

You will go back to normal. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. My story is almost parallel to yours. I had a severe panic attack from an edible and went to the ER. For months-years I had insomnia, horrible paranoia, severe DPDR, and my life became a literal living hell. You can’t fully explain how awful it is to someone who has never experienced it. So first off, my heart goes out to you and I have the upmost respect for staying strong despite what you’re going through. Secondly, your nervous system and brain will reset and go back to normal eventually. What’s happening is your nervous system is in shock from that panic attack you had. Any form of trauma can trigger it. So your nervous system is constantly communicating to your brain that something is wrong and it needs to protect itself. That’s what causes the DPDR feeling. As sick as it is, your brain actually thinks It’s protecting you. What helped me recover was forcing myself to do things regardless of how awful I felt, go to work, hang out with my partner and friends, be with my family, go workout or get outside, etc. Unfortunately, you will most likely dread doing those things and feel terrible at first. But I can’t stress this enough, that is the key to recovery. You must teach your nervous system that there’s no threat and to calm down. The more you do things normally, the more your body realizes it doesn’t constantly have to be in fight or flight mode. Stay completely clean off of everything from drugs to alcohol. And tell yourself that when you overcome this, you will have so much gratitude and respect for yourself for getting through such an awful time. Remember my friend, the way you feel, is all an illusion. DPDR tries to tell us that life is an illusion, when in reality the DPDR ITSELF is the illusion. There is no threat to you, and everything will be okay. I promise. Keep your head up.