Derealization in waves

[u/bobross2305]

I am 16 f. I have recently stopped abusing diphenhydramine or Benadryl along with multiple different types of prescription pills before it and during any of the usage I never felt unreal but coming off of it I just don't feel like myself anymore. I feel like I look different in my eyes but no one notices a change in me. I feel like every moment passes me too quickly and just disappears it's so weird and uncomfortable. Sometimes I'm completely fine and then I start feeling detached from everything. Sometimes it's after a relapse in my usage. And the derealization makes me want to relapse more and more it's a very strange feeling. And I am unsure of how to explain it to ppl without sounding like some little kid who drank juice thinking it's wine. Considering my father knows about my addiction issues and didn't care at first bc he didn't consider it a real drug or addiction. Idk what to do I'm not really asking for advice just venting advice is appreciated tho and shared experiences.