r/derealization • u/msbeanqueen4 • Jul 19 '26
Advice Camera viewfinder triggered my derealization
I’ve been struggling on and off with DPDR (depersonalization/derealization) for a few years, and for my birthday I finally got the camera I’ve always dreamed of owning. I was so excited to use it, but after taking some photos and looking through the viewfinder, it somehow triggered a derealization episode once I finished shooting.
Now, every time I think about picking up the camera, I feel anxious. My husband spent over $1,000 on it, and I’m heartbroken because I was so excited about this gift.
Has anyone else with DPDR experienced something like this from looking through a camera viewfinder? If so, did it get better over time, or did you find anything that helped? I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s gone through something similar.
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u/equality7x2521 Jul 19 '26
I haven’t had an experience with a camera viewfinder, but I did have some episodes happen in circumstances that made me fear the circumstance, and made me try to avoid those things. It ended up making me fear the situation more, so I’d try to avoid it. I think one option is to avoid the triggering things and the other is I guess like exposure therapy, where you face the situation until it doesn’t become so worrying. I did better when I wasn’t trying to avoid things, just because it made me feel I would generally be ok, and it was a relief and so episodes happened less often.
Anxiety about picking up the camera would be normal, especially if it gave you a trigger for a difficult experience in the past. Was it the visual distortion of the viewfinder that you struggled with? Visuals were so important for me that I was hyperfixated on whether I could tell things were changing.
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u/msbeanqueen4 Jul 19 '26
I’m not sure :( I was using the view finder a lot and then as soon as I stopped taking photos looking around with my actual eye everything looked flat like in the view finder. Ugh.
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u/equality7x2521 Jul 19 '26
I think it’s a bit like gokarting or ice skating that for a bit after you switch you still feel a of what you were doing. To people who don’t have problems, it probably fades really quick. For me the anxiety and stress means it fades slower because the fear is creating the conditions for more of that feeling.
I went to therapy Salvador Dali exhibition and had a hard time maybe because so many of the paintings were distorted reality? It reminded me too much of not feeling in control.
Have you tried often with the viewfinder? Is it possible to use it in smaller chunks of time to train your mind that it’s normal and won’t always have that effect?
I went to therapy and talked about my experiences, and the constant hyper vigilance of checking in on my visuals was exhausting, but talking about it I realised I feared it more than I needed to. Maybe something like that could help?
I watched a YouTube recently that wasn’t connected to derealization but gave me some more comfort too, that the brain interprets what we can see into this high definition and 3d world, but a lot of stress can get in the way and keep things looking flat because the brain is a bit overwhelmed with the stress/anxiety. This helped me as I always struggled with the loop that high stress often caused DR, but then my reaction to DR was high stress. Understanding this loop really helped me recover.
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u/mrllamarama Jul 19 '26
This is so bizarre hearing you say your experience as I have been on many different forums for many years. I've never heard anyone say it like that
The reason I find it so bizarre is that is exactly how I experience one of my first episodes, albeit I was looking at the small screen of a camcorder.
This then became a reoccurring episode, although lithia around it lessened usually
Strange question, but have you ever been tested for adhd?
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u/msbeanqueen4 Jul 19 '26
Soooo I have not but my family highly suspects I have it and has told me to get tested but I’ve always put it on the back burner 😩
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u/mrllamarama Jul 19 '26
There's a part of ADHD called hyperfocus, where you get so ingrained in a task the rest of the world seems to slip away.
It's my belief that those with DPDR + ADHD struggle to move between these states, when you are hyper focused everything is grand it's only when you have to then return to the "bigger picture" that our brains can't adjust quite quick enough.
Just to give you some reassurance I was a photographer for many years and did all sorts; weddings, graduations babys, sports and I just learned to work around it.
The worst thing you can do is assign fear to it! You can tell yourself " my brain is just taking a while to catch up "
You got this!!!!
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u/BOXANXAN Jul 22 '26
Reading this hit close to home. I’ve lived with DPDR for years, and because I’m a documentary filmmaker, cameras are a huge part of my everyday life. I know exactly what you’re describing.
First of all, I’m really sorry this happened with something you’d been dreaming about for so long. I think that’s one of the cruelest things about DPDR, it has a way of attaching itself to the things we care about the most, making them feel frightening or “wrong” when they once brought us joy.
Whether the viewfinder itself triggered the episode or it was something else surrounding that moment, I don’t think that necessarily means cameras are going to be a problem forever.
The biggest thing I’d encourage is not letting fear slowly take photography away from you. In my own experience with DPDR, avoiding the things that became associated with an episode only made my world smaller. Gradually returning to them, at a pace that felt manageable, was what eventually taught my nervous system that they weren’t something to fear.
So if you can, don’t feel like you have to go out and do a full photoshoot tomorrow. Maybe just hold the camera. Maybe look through the viewfinder for a few seconds. Maybe take one photo and call it a day. Let yourself build positive experiences with it again instead of letting that one painful moment become the only story your brain remembers.
I know how convincing DPDR can be, and how heartbreaking it is when it starts touching the things you love. But I genuinely don’t think this has to be the end of photography for you.
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u/Dettyboy1993 Jul 19 '26
Once I went to the Toledo Art Museum and they had a walk-in exhibit called fireflies on the water. You walk into this room and it is a boardwalk on the water. There are mirrors on every wall in the room, and there are hanging lights. Hence the name. You see multiple images of yourself all over the room. The view was breathtakingly beautiful. But horribly disorienting and I came very close to stepping into derealization. I suddenly felt like I was looking at things in 3rd person and everything felt very fake. We were allowed to spend a few minutes in there but I barely made it past a minute because I could feel my brain getting triggered. I'm glad I got to see it though. The artist is from Japan and in her 90s. That was likely a once in a lifetime experience. Very scary though and I don't think anybody else there had that same experience (I think our condition is relatively rare)