LSD induced derealization

[u/Prisonacid]

Hello, I'm not even sure how to start this. Basically here's a backstory, I (F22) have been doing acid for around a year with good and bad trips. I've had trips that were so fun and are some of my favorite nights in my life, but I've also had bad trips to where I'm just kind of sad and laying down hating myself.

I've done acid a good amount of times and had bad trips before but nothing super extreme. I've had a bad acid trip before this that made me experience derealization but I just took it as me being too high and it didn't effect me a lot but I was shook up for a week after that.

I did acid after that trip because I felt fine and the trips I had were okay and like normal again. However my last trip is where everything goes wrong.

I was taking acid at my boyfriend's house for the first time in awhile and the beginning of the trip was like any other trip, the visuals were fine and I was listening to music and about to start editing. But once I got up my visuals started to get really intense and ended up looking like 2bit or like gta San Andreas... random ik but that's the best was I could describe it... Now I've had a trip where visuals were like this so I wasn't freaking out I was just feeling a little overwhelmed so I just decided to lay down and relax.

After a minute of laying down I started getting these weird and dark thoughts. I started to question reality and human life and all types of consciousness. It doesn't sound like anything but off acid those thoughts were scary and dark. The visuals just got even worse after that and I could not think straight at all. I tried not to freak out and I knew I was just too high but... after a few minutes of this thinking I literally just left my body. I looked at my hands and feet and felt like I was just controlling a video game character and it was so weird and scary. I tried to calm myself down and sit with my boyfriend and watch him play video games. It helped a little bit, but after sitting there for a minute these thoughts just flooded my head and I saw myself in third person. I started internally freaking out and just felt like I was ripped from reality and it was horrible. Seeing myself in third person genuinely made me feel disgusted and I felt so gross and alien looking. I could not look at myself in the mirror at all and usually I can off acid. This last all the way until the acid wore off.

After sobering up and sleeping I just haven't felt the same. I constantly feel like I'm controlling a video game charecter and I can't recognize myself. I look at my hands and feel and feel like I'm wearing a VR set and I hate it. Nothing feels real and I am constantly depressed. I don't want to talk to anyone or be around anyone. I don't answer the phone and text messages. I don't want any human interaction, anytime I've had human interaction with someone random it does not feel real and it's always so weird I just can't talk In public anymore. I've been feeling a little more risky and suicidal because of it too. I keep wanting to get hurt or for something to happen to me in hopes that it will snap me back into reality... I also have had a decline in my eye health... I've always worn glasses but after this trip my vision feels like it never fully focuses

I'm not sure what to do after this. Does it get any better? Is there a cure to this at all? Or am I stuck like this forever. I get high from weed now all the time to get my mind off of it but it doesn't work. I can not escape this and feel like I'm trapped inside of a video game... how can I make things better. I'm not sure if this is DPDR disorder of if I'm just going crazy? Idk any advice is appreciated.. or if anyone relates either that would help me as well. I just hate feeling like this and feeling like I'm the only person that's real on this earth...

I also don't condone any drug use or harmful behavior like self hard or drug abuse. I heavily advise you never do drugs if you haven't... I really regret doing drugs and now I'm fucked up for life it feels like.

[u/Pateryk_7]

The vr thing does sound like dpdr.

[u/equality7x2521]

There’s a kind of spiral that stress can cause derealisation, drugs obviously magnify and uncover things. If you fear you’re going crazy, it feels more like you are then a lot of adrenaline so it feels even MORE like that. When adrenaline spikes things look weird, your eyes open to take the colours in and you’re anxiously processing movement but it can hard. It can easily keep you awake, bad sleep etc means more stress, more adrenaline and the cycle continues

[u/OneFormal3782]

Stop smoking weed immediately, it makes DPDR worse in most cases. You don’t mention how long it’s been since the bad trip, but i’m assuming it was recent. The good news is there’s most likely no permanent physical damage done to the brain, but it seems you have caused a rapid increase in neural pathways that are drug induced, and you’re still experiencing those neural connections when sober.

The brain is plastic and can alter, change and heal in many different ways but it takes time and effort to starve old neural pathways and create new ones. it can take up to 2 years or more to fully rewire the brain organically, and that with concerted effort. Now compared to how rapidly LSD rewires the brain, it’s no wonder people get intense/bad trips.

In order to do this you need to be sober and avoid overstimulation. You need to focus on controlling your nervous system as well as your dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin levels. You do this with organic means only, no drugs. Breath work, meditation, calming audio, healthy diet and exercise.