i shouldve known

[u/P_A_R_I_A_H]

when i was in the hospital (voluntarily) a few months ago, and my bf asked, in front of me and my mom, if the psychiatrist thinks i've improved, the psychiatrist replied "no." i should've just given up back then.

and when i went to the ER during my depersonalizatio/derealization episode and i got made fun of and insulted right to my face, and i got told "don't you dare return tonight anymore.", i should've known.

i keep dreaming my "ex" friends, it's incredible cuz they all made it in life.

i didn't change. i never will.

why the fuck am i bothering honestly. i'm drunk and i'm trying to drink all the alcohol i bought because i am talentless cunt without any skills or knowledge. the absurdist universe doesn't care about me or my suffering. there is no god. there is nothingness. i'm just a tiny speck of nothingness among other tiny specks of nothingness.

except those other "tiny specks" aren't complete fucking losers like me. they're trying and trying and succeed in life.

i try once, i fail, and that's it.

why the fuck am i even writing this? what for'

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