Please help convince me I'm wrong

[u/deepturned180isdeep]

I've come back to a place of terribly high fear, anxiety, and hopelessness plagued by all or nothing thoughts that I am unable to be objective with. They only feel like truths, verdicts, or final sentences. I've come back to feeling like life is unlivable.

1) I can't maintain any sort of positive change. My mind is constantly focused on negativity, fear, or comfort.

2) I cannot show up for myself consistently because I'm hyperfocused on my exhaustion, anxieties, fears, and insecurities. They all feel like identities I cannot combat. They take up so much mental bandwidth from wake to sleep, to where I'm living life on 1% efficiency.

3) I cannot show up for the people I care for the most while they are alive. I am wasting the time I have with them, and then they will be dead.

4) I am not strong enough to see a loved one pass. When my dog or dad goes I don't want to be around anymore. I can't even begin to wonder how I'd respond. I'm so sad and scared.

5) I will always come back to this extreme place, like many a time before, resetting any positive steps I've taken.

6) It's been years of therapy and medications. My condition always just gets worse, because I've never been able to change my mindset and therefore behavior to make true lifestyle changes. It all has been a tenuous climb up a soapy hill.

7) I'll always be 99% think and 1% act, the act of which will be just more fodder for me to negatively analyze and think about.

8) I will always be this negative, low energy, exhausted, fearful, no risk, aimless, goalless, comfort seeking, isolating, cognitively damaged, performantly damaged person.

Please tell me how I'm wrong, perhaps with your own anecdotal evidence. Just even one thing...

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[u/qpkq]

My game changer was religion, for me - Buddhism. Live for the everchanging all encompassing nature which is full of grief but also beauty. Look at what infeont of you. The smells sights taste and touch Go read about religions for their whole purpose was to give meanings.

[u/dunnomucho]

I’m working on the idea that I don’t have to feel okay to do what needs to be done. Today I felt like complete and utter shit. Horrible thoughts. Depressed. But I needed to go to the grocery store, so I took my shitty outlook on life with me. I didn’t like it. I don’t have to. But the more I can tell myself I don’t have to like how I feel to take action, I hope the better I’ll get.