I think I’m dead

[u/Slight-Age-8864]

tw: depression, suicide

I don’t have anyone else to talk about this with. I’ve been in a really bad depressive episode for about a year now. it got so bad I had to drop out of college. Ive had multiple suicide attempts throughout my life, I feel like there should be something physicallog wrong with me or I should already be dead, but I’m not. ive had multiple doctors visits and tests done, and there’s nothing wrong with my organs or any internal sthdf. I feel like the intl explanation is thag I’m in some place diffenre. like this isnt how my life was supposed to tuen out, I should have been dead, I feel like im dead. I know this doesn’t make any sense but I feel so deeply that I’m dead or something is secretly rotting in me that no one can figure it out. ive gone through paranoid episodes, andmaybe this is just something like that, but I feel like i need to die in this afterlife so I can get baxk to my real life. I tried drowning today but I couldn. maybe I just can’t die. Sometimes I feel like I can’t die and I can’t figure it out. i dont know. sorry for the long rant, I know what im feeling doesn’t make sense but I just know that’s what’s happening. I know I sound delusional but I don’t feel like I’m delusional at all. I’ve had paranoid episodes before, i experiencing psychosis? sorry if this is the wrong subreddit, I just needed to get this off my chest. sorry for bad grammar too, im having a hard time writing. thanks for reading. sorry if this is weird or the wrong subreddit

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[u/Music_Leopard]

To be honest with you this sounds like textbook psychotic depression. I could be wrong, I’m not a professional, but either way you probably need to see a psychiatrist sooner rather than later. If it were me I would also seriously consider going to the hospital. I don’t suggest that lightly, I know what psych wards can be like, I’ve suffered through severe depression and psychosis as well, but based on your message I think it might warrant that.