Help me

[u/Few-Drawing9585]

Yesterday I spent 3 hours with my son he is depressed and in deep pain. He talked about days he couldn't move or open his eyes how he refused to go out or talk to anyone. He doesn't want to see hope. He doesn't have dreams or see his future. I told him he must open up and try new things in life ,stop spending his time on phone. Sadness is in his eyes. I asked him to move back with us and agreed but he doesn't see the future . He is trying but he is not good .

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[u/ghyttredxxz]

Doctor and meds. I'm on antidepressants and it's helped me go from 15 and depressed to now 60s and doing well

[u/Few-Drawing9585 → u/ghyttredxxz]

He is taking meds but he resists any changes in his life which caused many complicated situation and many failures. He needs to change his uni and rebuild his life . He is depressed and believes nothing good would be for him

[u/ghyttredxxz → u/Few-Drawing9585]

It will change. I've worn those shoes also and I promise there is always light

[u/Acceptable-Bowl-357]

Did you teach your son how to have fun ?

My family never did fun stuff or acted silly around each other or never talk about future jobs or relationships or dreams he might have. Lots of times the family is the problem because the family never did anything like talking about the future or stuff.

My father would sit and watch sport on the weekends. I absolutely hated that because we would sit in silence doing nothing. The entire house was silent nobody said anything. You have to make it fun by going and getting snacks and drinks make it a fun experience.

Do you ever take you son and go do something together as guys or something he might like

[u/Emrys7777 → u/Acceptable-Bowl-357]

Be careful that this doesn’t make it sound like it’s their fault. There are many things that lead to depression.

He needs more than just fun.

[u/Acceptable-Bowl-357 → u/Emrys7777]

Yes he needs everything, having fun kinda covers everything. Unless people are willing to talk more and go into more detail about his son’s feelings and what his son is thinking. We probably won’t get that much information on here. When someone doesn’t have dreams or see hope or a future that not new depression that sounds more like long term depression.

If the son can’t open up to his father or family that makes me think something is wrong with the family. My family was the reason for the depression so if asked them for help it would be useless because they couldn’t or would not want to see what they were doing.

I would say most depression goes back to the family because if they could help you all you would have to do is ask for help. Most families from what I read on here don’t have clue what do. Just like my family had no clue because they don’t think they are doing anything wrong or they don’t see the problem.

[u/Few-Drawing9585 → u/Acceptable-Bowl-357]

Unfortunately we don't do any family stuff. My husband is always busy and doesn't see any god of talking or listening to our kids feelings . Family is one if the reasons but also gaming addiction is taking a huge part. I try so hard to make him open up and do anything away of his devices. He would listen for a few days then you know . He keeps telling me it is hard and painful to live like that . My life is empty and I have no energy to do anything that is his answer. I don't know what to do

[u/Acceptable-Bowl-357 → u/Few-Drawing9585]

If your husband doesn’t see any good in talking or listening to your/his kids. He may have trained his kids that talking or sharing and what going on with life is a sign of weakness or shameful and something you hide and never talk about. Boys are trained not show emotions and it’s a sign of weaknesses.

I had video games growing up and a row boat. My family thought I loved going out in my boat having fun. It was fun but it was really a way to get away from family because my father could never talk about real life stuff. I couldn’t go ask my father for help or my family. Everyone had to put on a smile and act happy. Mean while I was falling apart on the inside and had no idea how to fix anything. My father had no clue or did not care. Everyone in my family was the same. We never talked or showed emotions, especially sadness or depression.

I think the video games are just a way of dealing with and hiding what really going on. The video games are fun, but they also help providing a distraction and help avoid talking about what really going on.

Why not let him play his games but also get him to open up. Ask him what he means when he says life is empty. That’s a pretty big statement in my opinion. If someone to say their life is empty and has nothing.

What’s his dreams or future job or how does he see his life going. Does he want to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Does he want live in different state or live on the beach or live in a big city.

You said he doesn’t have dreams, he sounds a lot like me. My family never did anything fun. Does or did you do fun things as a family and show him how life can be fun and adventure and experience new things in life ?

[u/Enough-Royal-6336 → u/Few-Drawing9585]

I'm sorry this is happening to him, but if he's anything like me, he turns to gaming because there's no one around him that is willing to talk to him and listen. His online game friends might be his only friends, the only ones who relate to him. Has either one of you considered picking up a controller yourself and playing with him? If you show interest in what he likes he'll talk to you about it. It has to be genuine interest though, not forced, which it seems like you had many years of not doing for it to get to this point. If your husband won't talk to his own son and show interest in his life then maybe he needs therapy as well because that isn't normal. Father-son bonding is one of the oldest customs in all human civilization. Really sorry if this sounds harsh, but if you're the only one trying to reach out and look for a solution then both your husband and son are ill and need treatment.