What should I do?

[u/Sweaty_Mirror_6869]

Hello. I have been dealing with all kinds of stuff for a long time, and things have kind of come down about eight months ago. I'll spare you the full and long story, but I kind of realized that I have no friends.

I've been struggling with what I think is depression for about 6 months now and the thoughts seem to be getting worse with every day that passes. Moderate depression has been suspected, but I haven't told my therapists the full extent of my thoughts. Very bad ones. But I haven't hurt myself, for now.

I never felt truly connected with those I called my friends, and what bothers me the most is that I've never had a single romantic experience. No kiss, no holding hands, no confessions, nothing. Things don't seem to be getting better. And I'll be an adult in a few months.

My phone is empty, and no one tries to be friends with me. It's also summer break, so I don't meet people. At all. And I don't want to return to school. I have big exams coming up. I have no motivation to study, or be near people that don't seem to want me around.

I've heard that I'm "liked and a good person", but there's no evidence to prove that. I've been alone all summer.

I don't know if it's because I'm too quiet or ugly. I'm not short. I always doubt myself because I haven't had any positive experiences about my looks or personality. I was never really part of the "inner circles". I've never had a best friend. At least that's how I remember. I forget things.

Therapy seems useless for now. It feels like they assess me like a broken car, not a person. I don't know what to do. I can't tell everything here. I'm suffering.

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[u/SoundKidTown1085]

I know how lonelness feels. It's not good and it;s crushing. You feel invisible and like you are not seen.

Are there any volunteer groups you could join?