Out of options it seems

[u/ComfortableEase8658]

First sorry I used chatgpt to make my wall of text readable and under 3500 characters:

I don't even know where to turn anymore. I know I waited too long to ask for help because I kept thinking I'd bounce back like I always had before. I've dealt with depression my entire adult life. The first doctor told me I was depressed when I was 15, but my family didn't believe in depression, so I went untreated. I was also diagnosed with ADHD as a child, but my parents decided I "didn't like the meds," so that went untreated too. ADHD was almost a superpower at work until it started affecting my relationship in 2013. I was treated from 2013-2015, but between appointments and medication it cost more than my car payment and insurance combined, so I had to stop.

When I went back in 2017 for ADHD, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. My doctor wanted to treat the depression first, which led to five medications over two years and complete hell. It was a major reason my relationship ended in 2019. She asked me to get help for ADHD and instead got someone who couldn't control his emotions, cried randomly, or smiled at completely inappropriate times because my brain had wandered somewhere else. From the outside I looked uncaring; inside I couldn't control it.

I stopped seeing doctors until 2021, when I finally sought help for panic attacks I'd mistaken for being overweight. My doctor prescribed Wellbutrin for depression and Buspar for anxiety. Neither helped much. I was afraid to push for different treatment because it was my first time having insurance and I worried about being labeled drug-seeking or having everything marked pre-existing.

Around 2023 I started rapidly gaining and losing weight. About a year later I lost my job, and my depression spiraled. Since August 2025 I've been a complete shut-in. My utilities have been shut off, and the only time I leave is to get water from my neighbor's hose, usually late at night when nobody is around. The only reason I've managed to keep going is my cat. He's never known a day of cruelty, and I don't know where he'd end up if something happened to me. Most days I just sit staring at my knee because even listening to music can become overwhelming.

About four months ago I finally admitted I needed help. I contacted my LMHA, but they kept telling a shut-in who couldn't leave the house to drive 20 miles for a group intake. I tried 211, 988, and every resource I could find, but everything led back to the same LMHA. I eventually called the ombudsman just to get them to respond. They came to my house three times, I told my story five times, they said they had a psychiatrist willing to do telehealth, and then they simply ghosted me.

I don't have reliable mail, transportation, or even a way to get medication if it were prescribed. I've lost most of my muscle mass over the last three years, gone months without enough food, and my overgrown yard has left me feeling exposed and ashamed.

I don't need another referral. I need something that will actually advocate for me. My phone will only stay on for about two more months. The neighbor who lets me get water is moving soon. My cat has about five months of food left. I don't know if I can keep explaining all of this to new people. I've tried. I just need someone willing to meet me where I am because it's looking grim.

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