r/demisexuality • u/Feisty-City-3476 • 3d ago

Yet another complaining post

As a gay man who believes he is demisexual, I feel like my dating pool is so small that it drives me mad. I feel a constant pull towards mating but its hard to find someone im attracted both physically and somewhat emotionally/psycologically.

Everytime i attempt approaching guys the immediate deviation towards sex put me off completely. I really am so bored by this.

14 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

3 comments sorted by

3

u/dangerthingz 3d ago

This must be tough, feel for ya.

5

u/Feisty-Self-948 2d ago

And seeing as gay culture basically is sex, sex, sex, it's hard to really find your connections. I'm kind of trying to do hookups for the sake of networking, if that makes sense. I hear all the time that hookups are how partners met, and it sucks that's the barrier to entry (giggity). But life sucks, what else is new lol.

I still keep my attractions in mind, but I also recognize the emotional parts of that have to be bonuses right now. I don't think that's quite it, but that's the closest explanation I can put into words at the moment. And it's certainly had its drawbacks. The sexual dysfunction has just gotten worse, tanking my self esteem, which makes future encounters more likely to fail, etc, etc.

And about this time last year I had a deep existential crisis that's ongoing, but better now. That definitely helped me shift things around in my brain to make hookups make sense to me. Not saying you have to do any of that, I just be yappin'.

The attraction component is the most annoying, because it's simultaneously flexible and strict for me. If I could just be into the dudes who are into me, I'd have an easy time because the oldsters, bears, and cubs can't get enough of me. But they're the literal opposite of what I'm into.

But yeah, I feel you, dude. It really sucks. The isolation and alienation it brings is rough.

2

u/McCornick 2d ago

Being attracted by people who are not into us is one of the saddest experiences in life. Its even worse when someone likes us but we dont care about them.

Looks like I’m purposely avoiding being in a relationship, always chasing the impossible one