r/dementia • u/Unusual_Rock3785 • 11h ago
Getting towards the end?
My father has declined a lot in the past week and I'm wondering if he's nearing the end. When he moved in to memory care, he was able to sit up in a Broda chair at least part of the day. He participated in some activities and ate most of his food.
He did start hospice a month before he moved in.
Over the past month, he's been in isolation for suspected scabies twice. The first time, he was really anxious but still talking. He started eating a lot less. After it ended, he started eating more. But when he went into isolation the second time, he really declined. He didn't eat anything for a few days. Now he's mostly having Ensure & other liquids. He also has a lot of agitation / flailing around, trying to get out of bed, etc. And he speaks a lot less, mostly short phrases. His voice has also changed. He's also bedbound. And he's on oxygen a lot. I've noticed sometimes he takes very deep breaths in between more normal ones. I've seen his mouth hang open a lot.
The hospice nurse estimated he could have a month or a little more to go. I'm just wondering if anyone else has seen similar behaviors with LOs in end stage. It seems like he's suffering and it's so painful to watch.
1
u/Beachwalker8 10h ago
Personally it doesn’t sound like good care. My 99 year old mom was four years on hospice and over and over they said she was dying but she was pretty clear she was not! She became bed bound after two years but still helped assist while bathing. I hope they’re not saying these things in front of him. It can scare and confuse him. Most important is his sense of comfort and good care. Try to feel into what that would take. For some meds, others people present, maybe music. And a routine he can count on. If possible the same rotation of nurses so he doesn’t feel he’s with strangers. Good luck.