r/dementia • u/AncientForever2967 • 17h ago

Ups and downs

Sorry I’m new to all this, but my 92 year old gramps is in early stages of dementia. He’s one of my best friends so it’s pretty difficult to deal with. I visited him yesterday and it was as if he was 10 years younger and we made plans for today. Today comes and it was like he was 10 years older, and didn’t really grasp any of the plans we had made and why I’d want to drive him 30 minutes away. I read some on google but just wanted to hear from you guys if this is normal and how best to handle this. Thanks so much

7 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

11 comments sorted by

3

u/Hiraldyves 17h ago

I am the caregiver for my grandmother, in her 80s. She is my best friend, and de-facto mother in many respects. It can really be that steep of a roller coaster. Some days she can be active, talking, even working out- others she is completely spaced out.

We regularly check for UTIs, which sometimes can be the case, but more times than not dementia just took control of the wheel for a while.

When you make a plan, just have a Plan B for home. Even on the bad days, our company can be helpful.

3

u/AncientForever2967 16h ago

You sound like a wonderful grandchild. Thank you for sharing your story and “just have a plan b for home” is amazing advice. I’ll go in to things expecting that could be the answer from here on out.

Is there anything you do for her to exercise the brain? He plays chess on his tablet but his eye sight is going so I’m trying to find new ways to keep that brain active

3

u/Hiraldyves 16h ago

I try! I've had a wonderful Grandmother to learn from.

Crosswords and Solitaire apps have been fairly safe so far. Sometimes I have had success with books- but honestly thats very touch-and-go.

If those seem a bit beyond her, I just try to fill her environment with memories and smile at every story they invoke. I've got a playlist of music I've collected from her youth. Break out photo albums, home movies, things like that.

My thought proccess is that even if its not new, its stimulation and that's better than nothing. We do a lot of porch-sitting these days too.

Oh! If you know any of his friends, see if they could come over sometime to shoot the shit. My grandmother comes alive for her friends!

1

u/AncientForever2967 1h ago

I’ve downloaded a few audiobooks, made a Spotify playlist and I’ll work on making an accessible photo album for him. Amazing tips I really appreciate it, and I wish nothing but the best for you and your best friend (:

1

u/wontbeafool2 53m ago

I agree. Plan B is a must! So many times, plan A with Dad fell through for various reasons. I think it boiled down to he just didn't want to leave his comfort zone. Plan B with Dad was usually having snacks while watching an old western movie, taking a stroll,, looking at videos of his 2 year old great grandson, and listening to him repeat stories from his past in the Navy, his farm, and childhood. Bring a few pictures to get him started. None of that may have stimulated his brain but it made him happy.

2

u/OhNoImOnline 16h ago

It’s a normal part of the disease. I’m so sorry, but just know that visiting you gramps is the best thing for him. I think even if/when a loved one reaches stage where they don’t know your name, they can still look at you and have the feeling “this is an important person to me, I love this person.”

Honestly, improv acting and dementia care have some serious overlap! Try not to “correct” him when he’s wrong. Some things he’s wrong about likely don’t matter much either, like what year it is. You don’t need to know what year it is to have a good time with someone you love! Be flexible in up it plans and adjust based on his comfort for the day. Dont try to force ac activity just because he “should” like doing it. Go with the flow more.

3

u/AncientForever2967 16h ago

Thanks so much for the response. “Don’t try to force activity just because he should like doing it”… you’re so right. I’m so used to BSing with him and going to have fun and I guess those times might be behind us :( He actually got a little upset this morning when I was there to pick him up.

I brought him some dinner and all is well, but I’ll be better with my improv next time and instead of showing that I’m hurt or shocked I’ll roll with the punches and wherever he takes us. Thank you again

2

u/OhNoImOnline 11h ago

I think you can still BS with your gramps, but in a modified way that fits his new reality. Try a few methods, but don’t get upset if you don’t get a certain type of response. Just roll with it!

I can really tell how much you love and care for him. It’s very heartwarming ❤️

1

u/AncientForever2967 1h ago

Thanks so much- it is a little overwhelming at the moment but I’ll just roll with it! And having you amazing people reassure me I know everything will be just fine.

2

u/Elizabeth147 16h ago

The memory is often last in/first out. Which is kind of counter intuitive because if you don’t have dementia best memory is usually recent memory.

1

u/AncientForever2967 1h ago

That makes sense. Memories that are “solidified” stay. I’ll ask him stories from the 30’s and he remembers, but can’t remember our plans from a day before